I went to tai chi tonight. Tai chi and dance is another thing that helps me stay sane. I'm not a good dancer or martial artist, but those physical activities put me to peace. Even a necessary physical activity like shovelling snow can help. I can really lose track of time when I'm shovelling snow. A day does not seem complete to me unless I've done some physical activity. I have arms and legs - it seems a waste to me if I don't put them to use.
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I love my job. I had an excellent day at work today. Rocky only got about a 25-minute run because I slept in. I wonder what he normally gets from his owners? Tofu and onions cooked in whole spices for dinner. I only had one cup of coffee today. And a cup of green tea.
I've been getting some feedback on jealousy and where it comes from. The consensus is selfishness and a sense of entitlement beyond what is healthy. If anyone knows of any research done on the topic, I would like to know about it. A lot of crimes are committed because of jealousy and I would like to see how people can deal with it without resorting to criminal behaviour.
Reply
I got some help to move my new kitchen island into my apt today. I made chicken soup for the movers - excellent friends of mine. Rocky misses his owners so he was happy to have other people around this weekend.
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I'm a bit angry at all of my friends. I finally went to a bar where I found out that a glass of wine is $5.75. Sheesh. All this time I've been paying 8-9$ for a glass of wine everywhere else when I could have been paying $5.75! Nobody told me! My goodness!
Reply
It's 11pm and I only just realized it's Friday the 13th! Anyways - for the first time, I listened to ALL of my favourite songs in one shot. I have 82 songs so far. It took about 5 hours. Nice evening in with a really good pal, Jenny. I'm very glad she moved back into town.
Reply
I had a regular day at work today. Paid $150 for a kitchen island this evening. Visited a friend for tea. Now I'm wondering if I should go back to school on a part-time basis. I always thought I would but for the first time in my life, I have a job where I can say "I can see myself doing this for the rest of my life".
Reply
My life would be meaningless if all I cared about was myself. If I didn't have anyone to care about, I don't know what I would do. I know why I am this way. For those people who care only for themselves, I wonder how they got to that point? And I wonder how some of those people eventually start to care about others?
Reply
Well, it's 1:21am so it's technically saturday December 7. Anyways - I wanted to add one more thing that got me through the abusive relationship: all the love and care my parents gave me as I was growing up. Even though I was very vulnerable and alone in 2009, I still had all those years of excellent care behind me. It sounds cheesy but I've said it before and I'll say it again: even though my mom passed away in 2003, I'm still basking in the glory of her love. I think perhaps this is why the abusive relationship did not last that long. He saw that he could not manipulate me into jealousy. Jealousy was something I was and still am not capable of. "Oh" I said, through my actions and words other than these: "you want to be with her instead? You go ahead then." Ok, I'm thinking out loud here now: perhaps another thing that was a factor was my tendency to not have a sense of entitlement. Admittedly, this is not healthy. Being the school freak has had some bad effects on my psychology - such as my utter lack of a sense of entitlement to proper treatment from a man in a romantic relationship. Thankfully though, I'm learning. Thank goodness and thank the good people in my life who have treated me well.
Reply
This is the first day of the last month in 2013. This has been the best year for me since my run of bad luck started. I'm not superstitious, but it's as if I broke a mirror and had 7 years of bad luck from 2006 to 2012. Because of terrible things happening to me and loved ones, I was put in the most vulnerable and lonely place ever. Because of my vulnerability and loneliness, I was taken advantage of by an abusive man for 3-5 months in 2009-2010. I should have got counselling. I'm ok now, but it is only now I realize that I needed it then. It was only this summer through personal experiences and through professional training that I learned it was abuse. At the time, I thought it was just very bad treatment I was getting. Now I know it was abuse. I'm quite proud of myself that I did not become an alcoholic, I did not start taking drugs, I did not take this out on anyone, I did not do anything bad in revenge (in fact I did the exact opposite), I did not lose my job, I still managed to enjoy a social life, I still managed to meet some great people. What got me through it was the knowledge that I at least had running water, food and shelter in a safe country...and journal writing. Never before did I write so much than during that terrible time. I think perhaps I may have done something regrettable if it weren't for my therapeutic journal writing. I didn't write much this year because there was no catharsis necessary (ok maybe a little bit - but it was more bittersweet rather than just plain pervertedness). But - I do miss journal writing. Before this terrible experience, I did journal on a regular basis but it wasn't for therapeutic reasons, it was just for the heck of it. Anyways, cheers to all those who have gone through hell and made it back out!
Reply
Winds were gusting to 80k today and it was blowing snow all day so I stayed in most of the day. My friend Jenny drove me to the house she's sitting at where she introduced me to Tuniq, the 5mo old terrier who kept on sticking his tongue out at me the whole time we were having tea. I cooked the last of my onions and some garlic, all spice, cloves and a bit of crushed peppers to eat with my thawed out cooked turkey. Looking forward to eating that for supper tomorrow at the office - actually, I think I'll have some now.
Reply
Tuutalik Boychuk / Blog
Tuesday December 17, 2013
I went to tai chi tonight. Tai chi and dance is another thing that helps me stay sane. I'm not a good dancer or martial artist, but those physical activities put me to peace. Even a necessary physical activity like shovelling snow can help. I can really lose track of time when I'm shovelling snow. A day does not seem complete to me unless I've done some physical activity. I have arms and legs - it seems a waste to me if I don't put them to use.
Reply
Monday December 16, 2013
I love my job. I had an excellent day at work today. Rocky only got about a 25-minute run because I slept in. I wonder what he normally gets from his owners? Tofu and onions cooked in whole spices for dinner. I only had one cup of coffee today. And a cup of green tea.
I've been getting some feedback on jealousy and where it comes from. The consensus is selfishness and a sense of entitlement beyond what is healthy. If anyone knows of any research done on the topic, I would like to know about it. A lot of crimes are committed because of jealousy and I would like to see how people can deal with it without resorting to criminal behaviour.
Reply
Sunday December 15, 2013
I got some help to move my new kitchen island into my apt today. I made chicken soup for the movers - excellent friends of mine. Rocky misses his owners so he was happy to have other people around this weekend.
Reply
Saturday December 14, 2013
I'm a bit angry at all of my friends. I finally went to a bar where I found out that a glass of wine is $5.75. Sheesh. All this time I've been paying 8-9$ for a glass of wine everywhere else when I could have been paying $5.75! Nobody told me! My goodness!
Reply
Friday the 13th, 2013
It's 11pm and I only just realized it's Friday the 13th! Anyways - for the first time, I listened to ALL of my favourite songs in one shot. I have 82 songs so far. It took about 5 hours. Nice evening in with a really good pal, Jenny. I'm very glad she moved back into town.
Reply
Thursday December 12, 2013
I had a regular day at work today. Paid $150 for a kitchen island this evening. Visited a friend for tea. Now I'm wondering if I should go back to school on a part-time basis. I always thought I would but for the first time in my life, I have a job where I can say "I can see myself doing this for the rest of my life".
Reply
Monday December 9, 2013
My life would be meaningless if all I cared about was myself. If I didn't have anyone to care about, I don't know what I would do. I know why I am this way. For those people who care only for themselves, I wonder how they got to that point? And I wonder how some of those people eventually start to care about others?
Reply
Friday December 6, 2013
Well, it's 1:21am so it's technically saturday December 7. Anyways - I wanted to add one more thing that got me through the abusive relationship: all the love and care my parents gave me as I was growing up. Even though I was very vulnerable and alone in 2009, I still had all those years of excellent care behind me. It sounds cheesy but I've said it before and I'll say it again: even though my mom passed away in 2003, I'm still basking in the glory of her love. I think perhaps this is why the abusive relationship did not last that long. He saw that he could not manipulate me into jealousy. Jealousy was something I was and still am not capable of. "Oh" I said, through my actions and words other than these: "you want to be with her instead? You go ahead then." Ok, I'm thinking out loud here now: perhaps another thing that was a factor was my tendency to not have a sense of entitlement. Admittedly, this is not healthy. Being the school freak has had some bad effects on my psychology - such as my utter lack of a sense of entitlement to proper treatment from a man in a romantic relationship. Thankfully though, I'm learning. Thank goodness and thank the good people in my life who have treated me well.
Reply
Sunday December 1, 2013
This is the first day of the last month in 2013. This has been the best year for me since my run of bad luck started. I'm not superstitious, but it's as if I broke a mirror and had 7 years of bad luck from 2006 to 2012. Because of terrible things happening to me and loved ones, I was put in the most vulnerable and lonely place ever. Because of my vulnerability and loneliness, I was taken advantage of by an abusive man for 3-5 months in 2009-2010. I should have got counselling. I'm ok now, but it is only now I realize that I needed it then. It was only this summer through personal experiences and through professional training that I learned it was abuse. At the time, I thought it was just very bad treatment I was getting. Now I know it was abuse. I'm quite proud of myself that I did not become an alcoholic, I did not start taking drugs, I did not take this out on anyone, I did not do anything bad in revenge (in fact I did the exact opposite), I did not lose my job, I still managed to enjoy a social life, I still managed to meet some great people. What got me through it was the knowledge that I at least had running water, food and shelter in a safe country...and journal writing. Never before did I write so much than during that terrible time. I think perhaps I may have done something regrettable if it weren't for my therapeutic journal writing. I didn't write much this year because there was no catharsis necessary (ok maybe a little bit - but it was more bittersweet rather than just plain pervertedness). But - I do miss journal writing. Before this terrible experience, I did journal on a regular basis but it wasn't for therapeutic reasons, it was just for the heck of it. Anyways, cheers to all those who have gone through hell and made it back out!
Reply
Journal entry
Winds were gusting to 80k today and it was blowing snow all day so I stayed in most of the day. My friend Jenny drove me to the house she's sitting at where she introduced me to Tuniq, the 5mo old terrier who kept on sticking his tongue out at me the whole time we were having tea. I cooked the last of my onions and some garlic, all spice, cloves and a bit of crushed peppers to eat with my thawed out cooked turkey. Looking forward to eating that for supper tomorrow at the office - actually, I think I'll have some now.
Reply