The baseball cap that Brian received at Christmas was too big, so he torqued on his skull-crank a while.
One. Two. Three. Four torques until his head fit nicely.
"Thanks Mee-Maw!"
It was Starter.
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Percy wanted to be a sandwich pilot like his old man.
For two years, he studied at the Midwest Institute of Coldcut Aviation to earn his license.
You could tell Percy was proud at graduation.
"I'm going to be a sandwich pilot like my old man," he said.
Then the recession hit.
Percy applied everywhere but no one was flying sandwiches anymore. Not commercially anyway.
Percy was heartbroken.
He went to his old man and broke the news.
"I can't be a sandwich pilot like my old man," Percy said.
His old man responded like anybody else would.
"That's too bad," he said. "I know you wanted to be a sandwich pilot like your old man."
Then he took Percy out for a sandwich.
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Jason was in his room with all his phones ringing and the lights going on and off like usual. It was nearly sundown, late for him to be awake. “Is this important?” he barked into one of the receivers. "No,” a voice answered. “OK, thanks for calling,” Jason said. And he meant it.
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I know I shouldn't be coughing like this.
Mom had the retching, too. Every night at dinner.
"Hey, people are trying to eat!"
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--- Attractive woman stares helplessly at puddle of grapejuice on kitchen floor. Attractive man in "WonderWipes" T-shirt climbs in through window, presents and suggests "WonderWipes."
Attractive woman smiles: "I knew you'd say that!"
Laugh track. Juice morphs to logo.
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---
My Whisper 2000 lets me in on private conversations I would not otherwise be let in on.
You wouldn't believe how many people talk about me.
"Did you know he has no toes?" I heard a woman ask a man on a train. "You'd never notice. Not with those moccasins."
My Whisper 2000 runs on AAA batteries. I buy them in bulk so my fanny pack remains stocked at all times.
I put my soup in there.
If anything's conspicuous about my eavesdropping, it's my Bose Noise-Canceling headphones, the wires coming out of my pack, and my Bob Barker-style microphone (for enhanced sound quality).
Some people take one look and say, "Are you recording me?"
I usually just start headbanging, and hope they lose interest.
---
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When Roger was 5, he liked to stare at a particular family portrait for so long that his mother's lips would appear to move.
There was another photo on the living-room wall showing Roger and his grandmother seated on a flower-print sofa. In time, he learned that with patience and attention he could will this image into action, too, and witness himself lean away from her loose, bruised skin in disgust.
This made Roger feel like a terrible boy. Which he was.
---
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---
The waiting man waits, eye on the second hand.
Waiting to go home.
Waiting to get up.
Waiting to wait some more.
Smoke break.
---
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Horse Thief / Blog
One Size Fits
The baseball cap that Brian received at Christmas was too big, so he torqued on his skull-crank a while. One. Two. Three. Four torques until his head fit nicely. "Thanks Mee-Maw!" It was Starter.
Reply
Percy
Percy wanted to be a sandwich pilot like his old man. For two years, he studied at the Midwest Institute of Coldcut Aviation to earn his license. You could tell Percy was proud at graduation. "I'm going to be a sandwich pilot like my old man," he said. Then the recession hit. Percy applied everywhere but no one was flying sandwiches anymore. Not commercially anyway. Percy was heartbroken. He went to his old man and broke the news. "I can't be a sandwich pilot like my old man," Percy said. His old man responded like anybody else would. "That's too bad," he said. "I know you wanted to be a sandwich pilot like your old man." Then he took Percy out for a sandwich.
Reply
Jason Blues
Jason was in his room with all his phones ringing and the lights going on and off like usual. It was nearly sundown, late for him to be awake. “Is this important?” he barked into one of the receivers. "No,” a voice answered. “OK, thanks for calling,” Jason said. And he meant it.
Reply
It's Soup
I know I shouldn't be coughing like this. Mom had the retching, too. Every night at dinner. "Hey, people are trying to eat!"
Reply
Market Saturation
--- Attractive woman stares helplessly at puddle of grapejuice on kitchen floor. Attractive man in "WonderWipes" T-shirt climbs in through window, presents and suggests "WonderWipes." Attractive woman smiles: "I knew you'd say that!" Laugh track. Juice morphs to logo.
Reply
Overheard Compartments
--- My Whisper 2000 lets me in on private conversations I would not otherwise be let in on. You wouldn't believe how many people talk about me. "Did you know he has no toes?" I heard a woman ask a man on a train. "You'd never notice. Not with those moccasins." My Whisper 2000 runs on AAA batteries. I buy them in bulk so my fanny pack remains stocked at all times. I put my soup in there. If anything's conspicuous about my eavesdropping, it's my Bose Noise-Canceling headphones, the wires coming out of my pack, and my Bob Barker-style microphone (for enhanced sound quality). Some people take one look and say, "Are you recording me?" I usually just start headbanging, and hope they lose interest. ---
Reply
Terrible Boy
--- When Roger was 5, he liked to stare at a particular family portrait for so long that his mother's lips would appear to move. There was another photo on the living-room wall showing Roger and his grandmother seated on a flower-print sofa. In time, he learned that with patience and attention he could will this image into action, too, and witness himself lean away from her loose, bruised skin in disgust. This made Roger feel like a terrible boy. Which he was. ---
Reply
Waiting Man
--- The waiting man waits, eye on the second hand. Waiting to go home. Waiting to get up. Waiting to wait some more. Smoke break. ---
Reply