Today I was exhausted from working all week so it was pretty much a lazy day for me. But, I did go and get my photos developed so I'll be posting those and possibly changing my profile picture. I was thinking about e-mailing one of my ex's best friends and asking how he was doing and to keep an eye on him for me but then I figured what's the point he will probably just tell me to get a life and move on. I revolved my life around my ex and I know I shouldn't have but I think that's what makes me the most upset I gave up years of my life devoted to him and his crisis and his problems and his wants and his needs and I never focused on myself or my wants. That might be why my life pretty much spiraled out of control. I spent more time on him then on myself. Now it's about me and no one else besides my family but I could pack my bags and leave. Which, after we get the basement cleaned up I'm going to do anyway. There was a time when he asked me to move out here to be closer to him and I did then he cried on my shoulder begging me not to leave so I didn't but then he leaves me. Well, now i'm not attatched to anyone so I will be moving. If me and the guy next store do hit it off and at lease become friends he goes into chicago almost every weekend anyway so it would be fine. I'm on myspace obviously I like it for diffrent reasons I'm also on facebook which I also like for diffrent reasons I
m on xanga which is basically a cool blog and blogger which is a blog but I still post pictures and music and stuff and I just added myself to piczo yesterday which I also really like. So, if anyone is on any of these things let me know and I'll add you or check out your blog. As for now I have to work all day tommorrow so I'm going to sleep. And now 'm also on reverbnation. yay!
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I had a dream with you last night. we stayed up all night just like we used to do. I thought when I woke up you would be by my side but you where gone. you belong with me and I belong with you. I was suppossed to be your wife and you where suppossed to be my husband. When I cry all I want is you when I'm happy all I want is you. I just want to reach out and touch you I just wanna tell you what's going on in my life right now. I just want you hear with me back where you belong together forever. I'm not in denial I know your gone I just don't know why I know that it hurts my heart and soul. I know one day I'll find someone else. I know one day it won't hurt so much. I know one day I'll move on with my life. For now I'm stuck in the memory of you and I together. For now all I just want is to have you back. I'm trying to kill the pain but nothing is working. No matter what happend I still want you back no matter what I will always love you forever. One day I'll wake up and I won't have you on my mind first thing in the morning or the last thing on my mind at night before I go to sleep. One day my heart and soul won't hurt anymore. one day my heart won't be broken. I'm drained from workin all weekend. I'm gonna get some dinner and wash my hair and I'll be back on lata.
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Well, I was working all day so I'm really exhausted from that. I got a starbucks rasberry mocha and it was actually pretty good. I met a new girl who works really close to me. We talked for a while and she is really nice and interesting. I really like her and I hope we can become friends. I also e-mailed my uncles neice she is so sweet and I saw a picture of her after not seeing her for years and she looks so grown up and pretty. I am excited to be seeing her again soon. Then I got a caribu coffee peppermint ice tea. It's good too. I had never been to caribu before but they are actually really good. Tommorrow I'm not working so I'll probably just sleep in and hang out around the house. I'm still pet sitting though so I will kind of be working. I'm exhausted and mellow I'm passin out now till tommorrow.
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you have a better life if you wear impressive clothes.- Vivienne Westwood
I'm sitting here doing a bunch of stuff on the computer I'm going to upload some new photos in a minute in my blog. I'm drinking and pissed at my ex because he is going to a concert that I told him about because I wanted to go with him.
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Today when I was working with my aunt one of her friends told me something that really struck a cord with me and made me think. She said you are young so make the best of your life now and have fun because before you know it you will be old like me. It makes sense you know. I take things for granted because I'm young but that's why I shouldn't take things for granted because when I'm older it would have just been a waste. I should be happy now as much as I can be and enjoy life and live it up because once I'm older I will want this time back only I won't be able to get it back because once it's gone it's gone. Anyway, I'm exhausted and it's been a long day of work. So, I'm off to bed till tommorrow.
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Well, I just keep thinking that if there was some mistake or rumors or lies where told that he realizes that this is not what I want. Even if that is not the case and he really did want to break up with me I'm still hoping he will change his mind and come back to me. I know I probably sound like a fool for saying this but I'm in love and losing him is the last thing I want to happen. But, I hope if he does realize his mistake that he let's me know soon otherwise as time passes by I'm not going to sit around and wait months or years for him to come back. Eventually i wil have to move on. I fear I'm already trying to move on. But, I haven't 100 percent yet so he needs to come back into my life soon before it's too late. Before I've moved on and I'm with someone else and I'm in love with someone else and then it will be too late there will be no turning back. Today when I was working I went over to mikey's pizza kitchen and got a lemon ice. I kept hoping to see this guy from a long time ago even though I know he lives in Arizona now. He wasn't there and all I could think about was the last time I saw him and even though I barely knew him how much I missed him. I'm tired of my heart getting hurt and always loving the right person at the wrong time. I just want to find the one and keep him forever. I want to live in a castle and have my prince charming. I know it's just a fairy tale but I hope one day it will come true for me. I was looking at my ex's pictures as I was scanning them and posting them and it just made me realize how much in love with him I still am and how bad I want him back right now. When my basement flooded I just wanted to call him and reach out and touch him. I just wanted him to be there for me. I wanted someone to be there for me. I wanted a cool bottle of beer or vodka and I wanted a man who's shoulder I could cry on. But, neither of those things happend.
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I had to wake up at 8:30 this morning after being up half the night because of the flood. blah. Anyway, I was working all day and that completely exhausted me. Then I got home and took my pictures to get developed and it turns out I got the wrong photos developed they where supposed to be of me and ended up being of my ex and my dog so that's good at least. I met a photographer today she works right across from my aunts store. She is really nice and told me she would teach me about taking pictures and developing the pictures. So, I'm excited about that. I uploaded my photos on blogger already under the title pictures of me my friends and family.
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My basement flooded again tonight. It got to be 4 or 5 feet. I got covered in water and it was dirty too. On the bright side my neighbor came over and helped. I've been eying him for a while but was too nervous to say anything. So it sucks the first time I talked to him was trying to get my stuff out of the basement and covered in water looking terrible. But, he is oh so sweet. And he was actually interested in my stuff I was saying how my art probably got ruined and I think he was nervous because he said this is your art? and I said yes. Which, is kind of ironic since his name is art. But, I think I'm smitten. Then I went over to say thanks and didn't see him. blah I went over there mainly to talk to him. I wanted to leave him with a better picture of me. Oh well next time I see him then. Which, I hope is soon.
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honesty is a myth
and it aches me
especially when you put trust in the lie
over and over again
and i hope and hope for someone to justify it.
but they are just the same rotten wood
trying to get away with some sort of flame
the smoke rots them
but they are thankful for it that it even actually burned.
those liars
lies rot the soul. they corrode it and turn it to rust.
if you have nothing inside of you you are nothing.
Linda Strawberry
I am going to get off the computer soon because it is getting really late and I'm supposed to be working all day tomorrow. Which, I am not looking forward to but I need the money.
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this one guy from a long time ago who I think I'm going to see september 16th. I'm going to a party and he always asks for me so this time I decided to be there. It's kind of a funny story really. I was with my boyfriend at the time and I went to this party alone got a little tipsy met this guy who totally fell for me and was with a tall skinny blonde chick who suppossedly got around but he liked me instead but they were not dating or anything she wanted him but he wanted me instead. I let him slip away because of my boyfriend but now me and this guy might have a second chance. I'm crossing my fingers. I'm exhausted from cleaning tonight. Everytime I still want to pick up the phone and call my ex or e-mail him but I know I can't. And whenever I see him online I just want to reach out to him so bad it literally hurts. It's strange but when I think about someone else I feel like I'm cheating on him even though if I was with someone else it wouldn't be cheating because we are not together anymore. I guess he still has my heart in his hands. Also, I'm pet sitting tonight. I wasn't going till until september but the lady just dropped the cat off tonight. We are watching him every day till october 5th. Plus, my aunt took my cat back so that sucks. I miss her so much but I'm sure I'll be able to get her back I hope. I've been working all day and I'm really exhausted right now plus I have to work tomorrow and that really sucks I'm not looking forward to it at all. I went and I was going to get photos of me developed but I grabbed the wrong film oh well that's all right. I have tons of pictures I want to post.
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foxystina20 / Blog
lazy day
Today I was exhausted from working all week so it was pretty much a lazy day for me. But, I did go and get my photos developed so I'll be posting those and possibly changing my profile picture. I was thinking about e-mailing one of my ex's best friends and asking how he was doing and to keep an eye on him for me but then I figured what's the point he will probably just tell me to get a life and move on. I revolved my life around my ex and I know I shouldn't have but I think that's what makes me the most upset I gave up years of my life devoted to him and his crisis and his problems and his wants and his needs and I never focused on myself or my wants. That might be why my life pretty much spiraled out of control. I spent more time on him then on myself. Now it's about me and no one else besides my family but I could pack my bags and leave. Which, after we get the basement cleaned up I'm going to do anyway. There was a time when he asked me to move out here to be closer to him and I did then he cried on my shoulder begging me not to leave so I didn't but then he leaves me. Well, now i'm not attatched to anyone so I will be moving. If me and the guy next store do hit it off and at lease become friends he goes into chicago almost every weekend anyway so it would be fine. I'm on myspace obviously I like it for diffrent reasons I'm also on facebook which I also like for diffrent reasons I m on xanga which is basically a cool blog and blogger which is a blog but I still post pictures and music and stuff and I just added myself to piczo yesterday which I also really like. So, if anyone is on any of these things let me know and I'll add you or check out your blog. As for now I have to work all day tommorrow so I'm going to sleep. And now 'm also on reverbnation. yay!
Reply
one day
I had a dream with you last night. we stayed up all night just like we used to do. I thought when I woke up you would be by my side but you where gone. you belong with me and I belong with you. I was suppossed to be your wife and you where suppossed to be my husband. When I cry all I want is you when I'm happy all I want is you. I just want to reach out and touch you I just wanna tell you what's going on in my life right now. I just want you hear with me back where you belong together forever. I'm not in denial I know your gone I just don't know why I know that it hurts my heart and soul. I know one day I'll find someone else. I know one day it won't hurt so much. I know one day I'll move on with my life. For now I'm stuck in the memory of you and I together. For now all I just want is to have you back. I'm trying to kill the pain but nothing is working. No matter what happend I still want you back no matter what I will always love you forever. One day I'll wake up and I won't have you on my mind first thing in the morning or the last thing on my mind at night before I go to sleep. One day my heart and soul won't hurt anymore. one day my heart won't be broken. I'm drained from workin all weekend. I'm gonna get some dinner and wash my hair and I'll be back on lata.
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good day
Well, I was working all day so I'm really exhausted from that. I got a starbucks rasberry mocha and it was actually pretty good. I met a new girl who works really close to me. We talked for a while and she is really nice and interesting. I really like her and I hope we can become friends. I also e-mailed my uncles neice she is so sweet and I saw a picture of her after not seeing her for years and she looks so grown up and pretty. I am excited to be seeing her again soon. Then I got a caribu coffee peppermint ice tea. It's good too. I had never been to caribu before but they are actually really good. Tommorrow I'm not working so I'll probably just sleep in and hang out around the house. I'm still pet sitting though so I will kind of be working. I'm exhausted and mellow I'm passin out now till tommorrow.
Reply
vivienne westwood
you have a better life if you wear impressive clothes.- Vivienne Westwood I'm sitting here doing a bunch of stuff on the computer I'm going to upload some new photos in a minute in my blog. I'm drinking and pissed at my ex because he is going to a concert that I told him about because I wanted to go with him.
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make the best of your life
Today when I was working with my aunt one of her friends told me something that really struck a cord with me and made me think. She said you are young so make the best of your life now and have fun because before you know it you will be old like me. It makes sense you know. I take things for granted because I'm young but that's why I shouldn't take things for granted because when I'm older it would have just been a waste. I should be happy now as much as I can be and enjoy life and live it up because once I'm older I will want this time back only I won't be able to get it back because once it's gone it's gone. Anyway, I'm exhausted and it's been a long day of work. So, I'm off to bed till tommorrow.
Reply
If he wants me back
Well, I just keep thinking that if there was some mistake or rumors or lies where told that he realizes that this is not what I want. Even if that is not the case and he really did want to break up with me I'm still hoping he will change his mind and come back to me. I know I probably sound like a fool for saying this but I'm in love and losing him is the last thing I want to happen. But, I hope if he does realize his mistake that he let's me know soon otherwise as time passes by I'm not going to sit around and wait months or years for him to come back. Eventually i wil have to move on. I fear I'm already trying to move on. But, I haven't 100 percent yet so he needs to come back into my life soon before it's too late. Before I've moved on and I'm with someone else and I'm in love with someone else and then it will be too late there will be no turning back. Today when I was working I went over to mikey's pizza kitchen and got a lemon ice. I kept hoping to see this guy from a long time ago even though I know he lives in Arizona now. He wasn't there and all I could think about was the last time I saw him and even though I barely knew him how much I missed him. I'm tired of my heart getting hurt and always loving the right person at the wrong time. I just want to find the one and keep him forever. I want to live in a castle and have my prince charming. I know it's just a fairy tale but I hope one day it will come true for me. I was looking at my ex's pictures as I was scanning them and posting them and it just made me realize how much in love with him I still am and how bad I want him back right now. When my basement flooded I just wanted to call him and reach out and touch him. I just wanted him to be there for me. I wanted someone to be there for me. I wanted a cool bottle of beer or vodka and I wanted a man who's shoulder I could cry on. But, neither of those things happend.
Reply
at least some good came
I had to wake up at 8:30 this morning after being up half the night because of the flood. blah. Anyway, I was working all day and that completely exhausted me. Then I got home and took my pictures to get developed and it turns out I got the wrong photos developed they where supposed to be of me and ended up being of my ex and my dog so that's good at least. I met a photographer today she works right across from my aunts store. She is really nice and told me she would teach me about taking pictures and developing the pictures. So, I'm excited about that. I uploaded my photos on blogger already under the title pictures of me my friends and family.
Reply
smitten
My basement flooded again tonight. It got to be 4 or 5 feet. I got covered in water and it was dirty too. On the bright side my neighbor came over and helped. I've been eying him for a while but was too nervous to say anything. So it sucks the first time I talked to him was trying to get my stuff out of the basement and covered in water looking terrible. But, he is oh so sweet. And he was actually interested in my stuff I was saying how my art probably got ruined and I think he was nervous because he said this is your art? and I said yes. Which, is kind of ironic since his name is art. But, I think I'm smitten. Then I went over to say thanks and didn't see him. blah I went over there mainly to talk to him. I wanted to leave him with a better picture of me. Oh well next time I see him then. Which, I hope is soon.
Reply
honesty is a myth
honesty is a myth and it aches me especially when you put trust in the lie over and over again and i hope and hope for someone to justify it. but they are just the same rotten wood trying to get away with some sort of flame the smoke rots them but they are thankful for it that it even actually burned. those liars lies rot the soul. they corrode it and turn it to rust. if you have nothing inside of you you are nothing. Linda Strawberry I am going to get off the computer soon because it is getting really late and I'm supposed to be working all day tomorrow. Which, I am not looking forward to but I need the money.
Reply
another chance
this one guy from a long time ago who I think I'm going to see september 16th. I'm going to a party and he always asks for me so this time I decided to be there. It's kind of a funny story really. I was with my boyfriend at the time and I went to this party alone got a little tipsy met this guy who totally fell for me and was with a tall skinny blonde chick who suppossedly got around but he liked me instead but they were not dating or anything she wanted him but he wanted me instead. I let him slip away because of my boyfriend but now me and this guy might have a second chance. I'm crossing my fingers. I'm exhausted from cleaning tonight. Everytime I still want to pick up the phone and call my ex or e-mail him but I know I can't. And whenever I see him online I just want to reach out to him so bad it literally hurts. It's strange but when I think about someone else I feel like I'm cheating on him even though if I was with someone else it wouldn't be cheating because we are not together anymore. I guess he still has my heart in his hands. Also, I'm pet sitting tonight. I wasn't going till until september but the lady just dropped the cat off tonight. We are watching him every day till october 5th. Plus, my aunt took my cat back so that sucks. I miss her so much but I'm sure I'll be able to get her back I hope. I've been working all day and I'm really exhausted right now plus I have to work tomorrow and that really sucks I'm not looking forward to it at all. I went and I was going to get photos of me developed but I grabbed the wrong film oh well that's all right. I have tons of pictures I want to post.
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