“So like, I was eating my ice cream sandwich when this gnome comes from out of nowhere and jumps onto this big, magical toadstool, and he stares at me and then my ice cream sandwich, and I'm all like "What?" y' know, and he keeps staring at me and then my ice cream sandwich, and I'm all like, "You got a problem, gnome?", and he looks at me and he says to me, he says, "Give me a bite of that ice cream sandwich, you son of a bitch!", and then I'm all like, "FUCK YOU! This is MY ice cream sandwich!" Then the magic toadstool started growing and shaking, but then the jellyfish came and stabbed the gnome in the eye with an electric dildo. So I gave the jellyfish the rest of my ice cream sandwich.”
Strange Tales of Total Crap
“Our full length, 12 song CD, "Lock Your Medicine Cabinet" is available for $5.00 and t-shirts (white print on black fabric, like the picture on the far left) are available for $8.00 from us at gigs. Buy some so we can buy more pot.”
— SELF MEDICATED
“One time I fell off my tricycle and I skinned my knee. I cried, but then my mommy kissed it and made it aaaallll better.”
— That magazine that you never read.