When I was a teenager and up into my mid thirties, I would take anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half to get ready.
The "getting clean" portion of the program only took about 10 minutes or so. The remaining time was spent agonizing over my face, hair and clothes.
Like so many females, I never thought I was enough. I lamented my chunky legs, my small breasts and the face that I saw looking back at me in the mirror wasn't anything like the faces I saw in the glamour magazines.
I even had D sized implants at one point in my life, not because I thought that was what beauty was but because I wanted to "measure up!"
Yes, I literally bled for the sake of "beauty" and I learned some valuable lessons along the way about myself.
The funny thing that dawned on me as I began to explore what beauty is and what it is not is this:
beauty truly IS in the eye of the beholder. Now, I know it's cliché, but stay with me here. If I lived in a culture where the bigger my butt was, the more potential mates I would attract and the more I would be adored and given positive attention, I would be pretty sad if I had a tiny booty. However, if I had that same tiny booty in a culture that valued tiny booties, I'd be the belle of the ball right?
So basically in that scenario, I'm handing over all of my personal power to outside forces and allowing them to tell me about my value.
I used to hate that I am short. Being five foot one meant that I would never be leggy with those long willowy model legs that I was constantly shown in mainstream media.
I'd run and run and run at the gym trying to get my short little legs to look as long and lean as possible.
It wasn't until a guy friend of mine who was really tall, (like six foot five tall) was going on and on about this girl and that one being so hot to him and guess what... they were short! Some were even shorter than I am! I thought, "wait a minute, I thought all guys liked women who are at least five foot seven with long legs!" Imagine my surprise!
And guess what? Even my "chunky" legs are the type of legs my husband likes to call "super hero legs," and he adores them!
So here I am at 49, spending less time fretting over what I see in the mirror and more time feeling beautiful. I get my share of compliments, but my soul doesn't require them to feel complete and Whole.
So what changed? Well, I began to learn about how to truly love myself. Yes, I know, another cliché right? Well, there is a reason clichés exist; it's because some things get said so often that they almost become a parody of their original intent.
Well, maybe it's time to embrace some of those empowering clichés; especially if they can help us live more happily and more authentically.
One final cliché for the road; Just Be Yourself
Kelly Corsino is a Positive Music Artist and Skincare Consultant.
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Kelly Corsino / Blog
I Know It's Cliché But...
When I was a teenager and up into my mid thirties, I would take anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half to get ready.
The "getting clean" portion of the program only took about 10 minutes or so. The remaining time was spent agonizing over my face, hair and clothes. Like so many females, I never thought I was enough. I lamented my chunky legs, my small breasts and the face that I saw looking back at me in the mirror wasn't anything like the faces I saw in the glamour magazines.
I even had D sized implants at one point in my life, not because I thought that was what beauty was but because I wanted to "measure up!"
Yes, I literally bled for the sake of "beauty" and I learned some valuable lessons along the way about myself.
The funny thing that dawned on me as I began to explore what beauty is and what it is not is this: beauty truly IS in the eye of the beholder. Now, I know it's cliché, but stay with me here. If I lived in a culture where the bigger my butt was, the more potential mates I would attract and the more I would be adored and given positive attention, I would be pretty sad if I had a tiny booty. However, if I had that same tiny booty in a culture that valued tiny booties, I'd be the belle of the ball right?
So basically in that scenario, I'm handing over all of my personal power to outside forces and allowing them to tell me about my value.
I used to hate that I am short. Being five foot one meant that I would never be leggy with those long willowy model legs that I was constantly shown in mainstream media.
I'd run and run and run at the gym trying to get my short little legs to look as long and lean as possible.
It wasn't until a guy friend of mine who was really tall, (like six foot five tall) was going on and on about this girl and that one being so hot to him and guess what... they were short! Some were even shorter than I am! I thought, "wait a minute, I thought all guys liked women who are at least five foot seven with long legs!" Imagine my surprise!
And guess what? Even my "chunky" legs are the type of legs my husband likes to call "super hero legs," and he adores them!
So here I am at 49, spending less time fretting over what I see in the mirror and more time feeling beautiful. I get my share of compliments, but my soul doesn't require them to feel complete and Whole.
So what changed? Well, I began to learn about how to truly love myself. Yes, I know, another cliché right? Well, there is a reason clichés exist; it's because some things get said so often that they almost become a parody of their original intent.
Well, maybe it's time to embrace some of those empowering clichés; especially if they can help us live more happily and more authentically.
One final cliché for the road; Just Be Yourself
Kelly Corsino is a Positive Music Artist and Skincare Consultant.
Reply
A Tender Shoot Emerges
As the days grow longer and warmer, my thoughts turn to childhood memories. I was a sick child for many years, and on top of that, I was a bit odd owing to my affinity for hanging out with adults til all hours of the night making music. I struggled relentlessly to fit in to no avail; too young for some, too old for others. It was years later at an impromptu gathering of school mates that I learned the truth about those early years that were so challenging. In one eye opening night, my school mates, one-by-one shared with me what THEY saw in me during those days of our youth; how I seemed unapproachable because I was a performer and on TV and wore all the latest fashions, etc... Imagine my surprise to find out that I WAS liked; maybe even somewhat admired. I have spent the majority of my life torn between two desires: the first has been the desire to be in community with people- to love and be loved. The second is to show my pretty, shiny self; never allowing the vulnerability of a bad photograph, a bad hair day, a no make up day, an "I really don't have my shit together day" to be seen by anyone except for those in my inner most circle. This made that circle VERY small. After all, who would I trust with this potentially DISASTROUS information that I am actually human with my own struggles with weight, beauty, intelligence, talent, self-worth, motivation, doubt and disappointment? For many years, I have been working on dismantling this persona. The work has been done in the unseen, in the dirt, germinating. Spring is the signal of re-birth, and my Spirit is ready to be fully seen (chubby knees and all). I see myself as a tender young shoot allowing herself to emerge from the ground with all of the excitement and uncertainty that life contains. Wherever you are on your journey, I hope to meet you on the path and whether our encounter is brief or a lifetime bond of friendship, I Bless you for allowing me to be fully seen and if you are so inclined, that I may fully see you. In this place, we are One. -Kelly Corsino
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Lilies
It was a sunny day and two of lilies were spreading their wings to soak up the delicious rays of sunshine. One lily happened to glance over at the other nearby and a thought entered her tiny little flower mind, "wow, look at HER... her petals are so big and perfect. There isn't a single tear in any of them, and her color is so vibrant; not like mine" as she gazed up in disappointment to her own petals. I feel like a fraud. SHE is what a lily is SUPPOSED to look like" Unbeknownst to her, the other lily was looking back at her having her own little flowery dialogue; "I feel so big and ridiculous... look at my petals so large and cartoon like. Why can't I be more demur like her? Look at how sweet she looks with her delicate color and perfectly frayed edges. I feel like a fraud. SHE is what a lily is SUPPOSED to look like" The sun, sitting high in the sky above, heard all of these flowery thoughts and whispered "flowers, I shine for both of you equally. I love how you open to me so that you experience the fulness of life in communion with me. Look at how lovely you both are and how perfectly you bring forth nectar for the bees and beauty for the landscape. I am so pleased with both of you for bringing your distinct beauty. You, with the diminutive, pale and frayed beauty reminding me of how delicate and fragile life is, and you with the big, bold colors reminding me of the spark of life...thank you both for being exactly as you are. I couldn't be more pleased." Within minutes of receiving this gift from the sun, the flowers looked at each other and agreed that they were both lovely in their own unique ways and vowed to love each other and themselves exactly as they are.
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How do I find her?
I have been searching for quite some time now to find that girl; the one who looked back at me in the mirror when I was about seven or eight years old. She had ancient wisdom running wild behind her eyes and yet an innocence to suggest that in spite of being one whom many would call an "old soul," she was willing to do the journey as a beginner all over again. She only wanted to love and be loved. I have been searching for her on and off since my late twenties and every now and again, I spot her. She shows up when I am just about to ignore that homeless person, just about to give up on myself, just about to say something truly regrettable to someone I love dearly. She whispers, very softly "you can do better than that. Stop and talk to the one less fortunate. You have something to give each other right now and you don't want to miss it.” Or, “don't think for a minute that you can't learn to be an awesome piano player. So what if you're starting a little later in life? So what if you would already like to be done with it and just know how to play the dang thing already. You have been focused before and learned to do many things you never thought you would. Why should this be any different?” Or, look at the eyes of the one you love and take a breath… is what you are about to say going to help or hurt?” Even when I feel like there is mud all over the windshield of my life, she still seems to see so clearly. I have begun to notice that there is a possible connection between my commitment to my meditation practice and getting more glimpses of her... is that a coincidence... I wonder...
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Answering the call of my Dharma
I recently learned that Susan B. Anthony was a painfully shy young girl. Not one that seemed likely to do BOLD things in her lifetime. Yet, in the midst of living in proximity to a totally oppressive environment for women where we were thought to be possessions, she was raised as a Quaker and Quakers didn't view women as anything other than equal to the men. Susan was a HUGE instrument in the very first women's movement of the US. She may not have known when she was that shy young girl, that her Dharma, or calling if you will, would change American history forever. I have been in deep thought for several months now considering my Dharma. I had thought it to be a musician most all of my life and although I have been able to do that as a professional many times in my life, I have several other businesses that pull my attention away from the one thing that delights my soul... making music. I have begun recently to take action on re-tooling my life in order to have the experience I want to have. Some of that involves choices around very mundane things like when to go to bed and how to arrange my schedule, but the biggest shift has come in my intention. I am allowing time for myself to, as Rev Kristen put it, "Wander in the delights of the day." I am taking the time to contemplate not what has happened in the past or what may occur in the future; instead I am contemplating concepts like gratitude and what I am so Blessed by in my life. I am contemplating the here and now and noticing the world around me as it unfolds so amazingly like a play right before my eyes. I have had exposure to these types of practices before and tried my best to employ them, but I guess it came down to reaching a personal low and being really desperate before I finally got really committed to it. So I'll ask you the question that was asked of me, "What would I need to give up (or perceive to give up) in order to have the time to wander in the delights of the day...? For each of us that will be different; both what may need to shift to make room and what we will be making room for in our lives. In any case, whatever it is that fills in the blank, "if I had more time, I would_______" Find the time, and do something that truly feeds your soul. Do it with intention. Do it on purpose! Let it lead you to your Dharma.
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