Our children
are like stones
that we build upon.
All the fissures
of all the cracks that come out of the woodwork
like every bald spot
and crows feet
like every mistake
held to the glare
of the inquisitioner's flashlight.
I am whole
because I am incomplete
I am tarnished
I'm a failure
b/c you are a success.
I'm alive because you are alive
I'm not dead because you are here.
So that when you tell me as you cup my face in your hands
Standing on the edge of the bed tonight so that we are eye to eye you look at me earnestly and say,
"I miss you dad"
Before I have even left your embrace.
Your blue eyes pierce mine
My heart struggles to keep beating
as I walk out of your apartment on 23rd and 2nd
Your mom yells out to me in the darkness as I start to shut the door,
"Tell your daddy you love him."
And I don't know if I don't find that to be an even greater lift than you telling me you love me
as I'm succeeding where I have failed before.
For now when the mother of my daughter
encourages my kid
to respect her father
more than to hate her dad
I know that I am growing
I know that we are starting to love her
more than we could even hate ourselves
Reply
I want to play pick up sticks
with our legs
underneath cool cotton sheets
that envelope us in the vulnerability of our fears
that time times proximity bring
as we get closer and start to realize
how much we can hurt each other
She ignores that and climbs on top of me
her smile
vicious
Like a lioness
who is about to eat her prey
A salesman about to slide an easy sale
between my ribs
and pull out my heartstrings
as collateral
10/2002
Reply
My daughter now lives on Martinique
My ex lover recently contacted me to tell me about her marriage, new baby, and move to Vietnam
While my wife and I live in New York City
Life is about the distance between people.
11/15/2005
Reply
They came like a thief in the night
unscrewed the bulbs in
and stole all the light. . .
from my life
Like pies and puzzles
with half the pieces missing
Lord I'm begging you. . .
areyouevergonnaletmeseethewholepicture
of My Life
Immediacy, insecurity, like leprosy, it feeds on me
Burned wide and bright the path of brush
so that it fired up the sky
like an unattended iron
it also left a hold in the heart of my life. . .
so that I Burst out the door
sprinted down the street
the foundation was so weak
that it all crumbled into the sea
of your life
of all your lives
Immediacy, insecurity, lust and temptation
have devoured me
So that when I went and applied
for a job with TrueLove
the man behind the desk said,
I'm sorryMr.Evansbutitseemsyourwaytooexpe
riencedandoverqualifiedforthisposition,
But if you wish. . .
I'd gladly refer you to
BrokenHearts&ShatteredDreams
I'm sure the'd love to hire a man
with your credentials
They came again
like a thief in the night
andwhileIwasgonetookalltheknobsoffthedoors
of my life
so I couldn't get back in
so I had to move on. . .
from that life
Reply
Classical Music in a hall so vast
on a ledge of brick, a silent night
Housequaken, yeah I'll be shaking it
on a wooden floor, romping, stomping
whether in my apartment or in a matchbox club
at 3 in the morn
Because tomorrow look face first without blinking
into a burning sun
You will see me
I'll be there
Burning
Pictures and paintings down by the seaside
laughing so hard you end up splitting your sides
in lights so bright of endless nights
So get set get on get off 4 the roller coaster ride of your life
B/C I'm
Riding faster than a bullet train on a bullet train
with the window of the world as my television screen
Soaking it up living it up, never ever wanting to be giving it up...
Can't bring me down, I'm always going ova
So bring on Jehovah
I am the Supernova. . .
Because tomorrow look face first without blinking into a burning sun
You will see me
I'll be there
Burning
Reply
They broke the mold when they made me
i was always being different just being me
didn't wear fucking khakis or a polo shirt
with my baseball cap checking out the skirts
at the Frat House with my beer held high
declaring my manhood with a gutteral sigh
because Oh My God did it look like piss
but on and on they kept drinking it
Didn't walk like them. Couldn't talk like them
Making fun of other people that were not like them
Because they broke the mold when they made me
I was always different just being me
Couldn't wear fucking Raybans at the club when it was dark
or in my truck trying to look cool at the park
Couldn't wear surf gear at school when I didn't even surf
or use a sport like golf to treat people like dirt
As my parents thought i was a fag
If i thought a man attractive or dressed up in drag
Didn't talk like them. Wouldn't walk like them.
Sure as hell never ever want to dance like them.
Because They Broke the Mold When They Made Me
So get your ass back!
As my heels hit the block
So get your ass back
As my heels hit the block
As I stroll down the Boulevard watching all the jaws drop. . .
Soul Thomas Evans
Reply
To listen to sweet music like my dad used to play for me when I was a child and to hear affectionate melodies in this gritty city.
In the T.V. commercials on pregnancy tests you get the right girl pregnant whereas in real life it may not always work that way.
but nothing like a song, a sweet song to carry you through.
I was thinking about the word shutter with its' two t's like slats representative of slivers with space between them
Space to remind you that life is yours to create what you will in it
Spaces
some of them full
some of them empty
Life
with its' ebbs and flows
Shutters
that make you realize that time's not stagnant, connections like light come and go, and everything's fluid and eventually evaporates.
Reply
Sometimes I look at you watching me
The way you hold me when I want you too
The way I easily fit into your cocoon
The way a bullet fits into a chamber
7/18/2009
Reply
Good
Well for starters the word radiates peace and security in one's self
And I want to transfer that through me in everything that I touch
You see goodness flattens hilly obstacles, makes crooked places straight and makes you feel whole even when you are not quite there
yet
But trying
to be
Good is to not be afraid that anyone will desert you because you know you that you always have yourself in the end
That you must be happy with yourself or you have nothing to offer
and on the flipside
Being Good is to sometimes hurt someone by telling them
the truth that you never really loved them in the same way that they loved you. . .
Like integrity in the way that it only counts sometimes by what you do when nobody is looking
Or to take advantage of others where they'd be none the wiser that you were so slick as to get one over on them
And you don't
Because you want to selfishly feel good about yourself when you look at your heart in the mirror that night
and because you know that what you feel about yourself is more important than what anyone else may think of you
So that you can live with the person who lives inside of you and knows everything (both the good and the bad) about you
So that you can love the person you see inside because you know that in order for you to love anyone else you must be able to love yourself in the end
and that if you become the person you ought to become then the kind of people you want in your life will come to you
So
"Be Good"
She said and everytime we got off the phone and I wondered what exactly did she mean?
Did she mean be good in like try to be pure or did she mean be good so we don't have to worry about you so damn much!?
I think she meant to be good
to the point
that it feels full just to say the word
Good
because your intentions were so pure that you had no regrets with the way you've lived your life so that even the mistakes shaped who you are today
So that you can unequivocally say there is and was a reason for it all for you in hindsight to even see the silver lining in those dark clouds
Because your intentions became cleaner and you were organic and without agenda
by just being you without apology
as to be able to say this is who I am and this is where I've sinned
so forgive me as I've learned and I've grown and this is where I'm better
so that you are able to feel good about who are now
when you didn't always feel good about who you were then
So Be Good
So that you can take pride in who you are without having to wear it on your sleeves
As a great person is one who doesn't tell you how great they are but one where you hear it from others and where they have nothing to gain by telling you
To help others without the expectation of reward or recognition
Let love be the means to all your ends and
Cherish every day as you would your children
Cupping their beautiful faces in your hands and wanting no harm to come their way and if it does for them to grow from and be good for it
and to do everything you can so that they would have a better life than you did
By Soul Thomas Evans
Reply
I will
Climb the highest mountain
Overcome every obstacle
Refuse to take detours or prostiture my principles to whores
I will
Cross every valley
Jump every body of water
Overun the defenses
Dodge dodgeballs
Take blows without retaliation
And instread of despising you I am going to pray for your soul
I will keep on going and going
As you keep throwing and throwing
As I get stronger and stronger
In the face of adversity, lies and vindictiveness
I will surprise you
Because while you are asleep I'll be awake
Like an animal wounded
I will refuse to feel my pain
I will keep on scratching, clawing as you try to shovel more dirt on me
Take more breath from me
I'll refuse to die
You better put another biullet in my head
the next time leave me for dead
Because I will rise again
Push every nail out of every coffin you made for me
Dig out of every ditch you dug for me
Refuse to eat from the plate of hate that you have prepared for me
So you better steal more from me the next time
Stab me harder with your butcher knife
Because if it is the last breath I take
With God not only as my witness but also as my copilot. . .
You will not destroy me
Unsinkable
My dreams will thrive
Swimming in my own blood as it comes up to my neck
Unsinkable
I will not die
I will
I will
I will
Overcome........................you
By Soul Thomas Evans, 2002.
http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/soultevans
Reply
Soul Thomas Evans / Blog
Our Children
Our children are like stones that we build upon. All the fissures of all the cracks that come out of the woodwork like every bald spot and crows feet like every mistake held to the glare of the inquisitioner's flashlight. I am whole because I am incomplete I am tarnished I'm a failure b/c you are a success. I'm alive because you are alive I'm not dead because you are here. So that when you tell me as you cup my face in your hands Standing on the edge of the bed tonight so that we are eye to eye you look at me earnestly and say, "I miss you dad" Before I have even left your embrace. Your blue eyes pierce mine My heart struggles to keep beating as I walk out of your apartment on 23rd and 2nd Your mom yells out to me in the darkness as I start to shut the door, "Tell your daddy you love him." And I don't know if I don't find that to be an even greater lift than you telling me you love me as I'm succeeding where I have failed before. For now when the mother of my daughter encourages my kid to respect her father more than to hate her dad I know that I am growing I know that we are starting to love her more than we could even hate ourselves
Reply
Pick Up Sticks
I want to play pick up sticks with our legs underneath cool cotton sheets that envelope us in the vulnerability of our fears that time times proximity bring as we get closer and start to realize how much we can hurt each other She ignores that and climbs on top of me her smile vicious Like a lioness who is about to eat her prey A salesman about to slide an easy sale between my ribs and pull out my heartstrings as collateral 10/2002
Reply
Life is About the Distance Between People
My daughter now lives on Martinique My ex lover recently contacted me to tell me about her marriage, new baby, and move to Vietnam While my wife and I live in New York City Life is about the distance between people. 11/15/2005
Reply
They Came Like a Thief in the Night
They came like a thief in the night unscrewed the bulbs in and stole all the light. . . from my life Like pies and puzzles with half the pieces missing Lord I'm begging you. . . areyouevergonnaletmeseethewholepicture of My Life Immediacy, insecurity, like leprosy, it feeds on me Burned wide and bright the path of brush so that it fired up the sky like an unattended iron it also left a hold in the heart of my life. . . so that I Burst out the door sprinted down the street the foundation was so weak that it all crumbled into the sea of your life of all your lives Immediacy, insecurity, lust and temptation have devoured me So that when I went and applied for a job with TrueLove the man behind the desk said, I'm sorryMr.Evansbutitseemsyourwaytooexpe riencedandoverqualifiedforthisposition, But if you wish. . . I'd gladly refer you to BrokenHearts&ShatteredDreams I'm sure the'd love to hire a man with your credentials They came again like a thief in the night andwhileIwasgonetookalltheknobsoffthedoors of my life so I couldn't get back in so I had to move on. . . from that life
Reply
Into a Burning Sun (1992)
Classical Music in a hall so vast on a ledge of brick, a silent night Housequaken, yeah I'll be shaking it on a wooden floor, romping, stomping whether in my apartment or in a matchbox club at 3 in the morn Because tomorrow look face first without blinking into a burning sun You will see me I'll be there Burning Pictures and paintings down by the seaside laughing so hard you end up splitting your sides in lights so bright of endless nights So get set get on get off 4 the roller coaster ride of your life B/C I'm Riding faster than a bullet train on a bullet train with the window of the world as my television screen Soaking it up living it up, never ever wanting to be giving it up... Can't bring me down, I'm always going ova So bring on Jehovah I am the Supernova. . . Because tomorrow look face first without blinking into a burning sun You will see me I'll be there Burning
Reply
They Broke the Mold (1994).
They broke the mold when they made me i was always being different just being me didn't wear fucking khakis or a polo shirt with my baseball cap checking out the skirts at the Frat House with my beer held high declaring my manhood with a gutteral sigh because Oh My God did it look like piss but on and on they kept drinking it Didn't walk like them. Couldn't talk like them Making fun of other people that were not like them Because they broke the mold when they made me I was always different just being me Couldn't wear fucking Raybans at the club when it was dark or in my truck trying to look cool at the park Couldn't wear surf gear at school when I didn't even surf or use a sport like golf to treat people like dirt As my parents thought i was a fag If i thought a man attractive or dressed up in drag Didn't talk like them. Wouldn't walk like them. Sure as hell never ever want to dance like them. Because They Broke the Mold When They Made Me So get your ass back! As my heels hit the block So get your ass back As my heels hit the block As I stroll down the Boulevard watching all the jaws drop. . . Soul Thomas Evans
Reply
Last Night How I Felt
To listen to sweet music like my dad used to play for me when I was a child and to hear affectionate melodies in this gritty city. In the T.V. commercials on pregnancy tests you get the right girl pregnant whereas in real life it may not always work that way. but nothing like a song, a sweet song to carry you through. I was thinking about the word shutter with its' two t's like slats representative of slivers with space between them Space to remind you that life is yours to create what you will in it Spaces some of them full some of them empty Life with its' ebbs and flows Shutters that make you realize that time's not stagnant, connections like light come and go, and everything's fluid and eventually evaporates.
Reply
Sometimes I Look at You Watching Me
Sometimes I look at you watching me The way you hold me when I want you too The way I easily fit into your cocoon The way a bullet fits into a chamber 7/18/2009
Reply
Be Good
Good Well for starters the word radiates peace and security in one's self And I want to transfer that through me in everything that I touch You see goodness flattens hilly obstacles, makes crooked places straight and makes you feel whole even when you are not quite there yet But trying to be Good is to not be afraid that anyone will desert you because you know you that you always have yourself in the end That you must be happy with yourself or you have nothing to offer and on the flipside Being Good is to sometimes hurt someone by telling them the truth that you never really loved them in the same way that they loved you. . . Like integrity in the way that it only counts sometimes by what you do when nobody is looking Or to take advantage of others where they'd be none the wiser that you were so slick as to get one over on them And you don't Because you want to selfishly feel good about yourself when you look at your heart in the mirror that night and because you know that what you feel about yourself is more important than what anyone else may think of you So that you can live with the person who lives inside of you and knows everything (both the good and the bad) about you So that you can love the person you see inside because you know that in order for you to love anyone else you must be able to love yourself in the end and that if you become the person you ought to become then the kind of people you want in your life will come to you So "Be Good" She said and everytime we got off the phone and I wondered what exactly did she mean? Did she mean be good in like try to be pure or did she mean be good so we don't have to worry about you so damn much!? I think she meant to be good to the point that it feels full just to say the word Good because your intentions were so pure that you had no regrets with the way you've lived your life so that even the mistakes shaped who you are today So that you can unequivocally say there is and was a reason for it all for you in hindsight to even see the silver lining in those dark clouds Because your intentions became cleaner and you were organic and without agenda by just being you without apology as to be able to say this is who I am and this is where I've sinned so forgive me as I've learned and I've grown and this is where I'm better so that you are able to feel good about who are now when you didn't always feel good about who you were then So Be Good So that you can take pride in who you are without having to wear it on your sleeves As a great person is one who doesn't tell you how great they are but one where you hear it from others and where they have nothing to gain by telling you To help others without the expectation of reward or recognition Let love be the means to all your ends and Cherish every day as you would your children Cupping their beautiful faces in your hands and wanting no harm to come their way and if it does for them to grow from and be good for it and to do everything you can so that they would have a better life than you did By Soul Thomas Evans
Reply
I Will
I will Climb the highest mountain Overcome every obstacle Refuse to take detours or prostiture my principles to whores I will Cross every valley Jump every body of water Overun the defenses Dodge dodgeballs Take blows without retaliation And instread of despising you I am going to pray for your soul I will keep on going and going As you keep throwing and throwing As I get stronger and stronger In the face of adversity, lies and vindictiveness I will surprise you Because while you are asleep I'll be awake Like an animal wounded I will refuse to feel my pain I will keep on scratching, clawing as you try to shovel more dirt on me Take more breath from me I'll refuse to die You better put another biullet in my head the next time leave me for dead Because I will rise again Push every nail out of every coffin you made for me Dig out of every ditch you dug for me Refuse to eat from the plate of hate that you have prepared for me So you better steal more from me the next time Stab me harder with your butcher knife Because if it is the last breath I take With God not only as my witness but also as my copilot. . . You will not destroy me Unsinkable My dreams will thrive Swimming in my own blood as it comes up to my neck Unsinkable I will not die I will I will I will Overcome........................you By Soul Thomas Evans, 2002. http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/soultevans
Reply