"Listening to your music is like flipping through the TV channels and making the mistake of pausing to watch a horror movie on TNT. I'm petrified, but for some reason I don't change the channel right away. Before I know it, it's done - and I'm like 'Why?'"
Slow On the Remote
"Singing and playing music is like masturbation - it's fun and everyone does it sometimes, but most of the time it's best not to do it in front of other people. Bro, keep that shit under wraps."
Keep The Day Job
"Dude, I think you just shit in my ears."
Sorry Cant Hear You, Got Shit In My Ears
"I don't know you. Stop trying to friend me on FaceBook."
"Didn't you read the WARNING on that 4-track Tascam? It said 'Not for use by no-talent ass clowns'."
Lobby for Better Audio Equipment Labeling
"Sounds like you strung it upside down and played it RIGHT-hand."
"I think your guitar's missing a few strings."
Big Al's Guitar Shop
"If you ever record another one of my songs, I will personally beat you down with my neck rack."
"Fuck critics, they can kiss my whole asshole. If you don't like my lyrics, you can press fast forward."
"Guitar and voice lessons, $25/hour: 305-867-5309."
"I think you're cute."