I'm exhausted I've had such a long day and it's almost 3 AM and I have to be up for work tommorrow. I have a myspace account which I go on all the time and a facebook account I just created it like not too long ago and xanga for two days. I LOVE all those things. Then I went to create a piczo account but realized there was not much for me to do on it and I would probably never go on it anyway so I deleted it. then I created my blogger account which I LOVE because I love to write so it makes sense. Thank the lord I stoped myself before creating a friendster account. I'm not bashing any sites so don't take it that way. It's just I have too many already and I might as well set up things I'm actually going to use and that I have friends on. Plus, I love blogging and that takes up a majority of my time online anyway so if I can't do that then I really don't see the point. But, that's just my opinion. Plus, I love when you can say your status updates and all that good stuff. Like on myspace and facebook and xanga has pulse and this is stricktly a blog but I can write it in my blog which is almost the same thing. Anyway, I have to work tommorrow and be up early I should have been to bed hours ago. yikes! till tommorrow.I am back on piczo and I love it now. I also love reverbnation.
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John Tucker must die!
Has anyone ever seen the movie about the guy who goes around breaking girls hearts so they have his new girl be everything he wants and break his heart. Well, sometimes I wish that would happen to him and he will find someone new and she will break his heart just like he hurt mine. But, then again I still love him so of course I worry about him and don't want him to be hurt or in pain. We had so much passion in our relationship it was wonderful. I do think he was lucky and blessed to have a girl like me. A girl that was there for him no matter what through thick and thin. I was thinking about it last night and I started to wonder if he broke up with me because he is manic depressive. My mom told me when people are bipolar or manic they sometimes do things without thinking and when they get in a too high or too low stage it can last for days weeks months or even years. I know he stopped taking his meds and it worried me and I told him he should go back on them or another kind. They probably stayed in his system for a while but then they where out and all the stress he was under and his drinking none of it helps I'm sure. His friends are enablers and they drink too so I'm sure that dosen't help they are not bad people I just don't think they understand his condition. His family they love him so much but what can they do he is a grown man. I admit he made me a priority when I needed him but otherwise I wasn't one. You can't blame a girl for wanting to come first. But, I do understand he had other things going on in his life and I know I complained once in a while but not much. I admit a part of me is glad he didn't tell me why I'm scared of the answer but another part of me wants to know so I can get some clousure and move on. I admit with him there was always one crisis after another. I won't miss that but I do miss him.
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kitty cats and puppy dogsWell, I got a little cat. She was mine from a while ago but my aunt had her at her house. She is black with white paws and a white neck. It tooks like she's got sox on her back paws and has a manicure on her front paws. She has a thousand names harley/trouble/baby/little girl. I took pictures of her and I'm going to be posting them on blogger as soon as I get them developed. We also might be getting a little girl dog a two year old and I want to name her scout. She is a rotwiller. We are going to see her soon to see if we want her or not and if we get her I'll take her picture and post it.
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He once told me that he liked to watch me sleep to make sure I was getting sleep. now I can't sleep and I can't eat and I'm so stressed out by all this I'm actually breaking out in hives. I only got 3 hours of sleep last night and I think I've lost like 5 pounds in one week. I hope that with each passing day my heart stops hurting a little bit more until it dosen't hurt at all anymore. I don't think I'll ever figure out why he left me or why he left me the way he did but I'll just drive myself crazy thinking about it all the time. He was the king of drama and I'm sure this girl whoever she is a friend or a new lover will eventually get tired of it too unless he get's tired of her first and comes crawling back to me. Everyone keeps telling me he is not worth it and I know that now but I still can't help the way that I feel. I'm exhausted because over the weekend my basement flooded twice and we where pailing water out of it but I just cleaned up so I'm feeling a bit tired between that and only 3 hours of sleep. I might be working at a store a few times the rest of this month it will keep me busy and I need the money I need to get the film developed for the modeling stuff and to send the pictures out and start a portfolio and I want to get my hair cut and dyed bleach blonde so I need money for that too. In september I still have my doctors appointment that got cancelled last month but I'm debating about keeping it or not at this point and september 16th is my uncles b-day party and all through september I'm going to be pet sitting on and off. And going back to school.
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he is single not with someone else. I don't know if that makes me feel worse or better. Worse actually because he didn't leave me for someone else he left me because he didn't want me. Which, after all these years I really don't understand but it's like a knife through my heart. I know I shouldn't but I miss him and I want him back. But, he is not the same man that I fell in love with all those years ago because that man wouldn't have left me and if he did it wouldn't have been in such a cold and cruel way.
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Well, I hate when girls pretend to be your friend but then when you try to be theres they act like total posers. And when girls steal other girls boyfriend what is up with that? It's one thing if the relationship is done but if not that's just not right. I hate when girls act all sweet and cute but underneath it all they are total fakers. I act sweet and nice because most of the time I am but sometimes like today when things fall apart it really pisses me off. The only man that was like my father died 2 1/2 years ago my dog died a month ago and a week ago my fiance left me when we where planning our wedding. You think people would be a little bit kinder. I'm tired of men that are jerks. They act like they love you but treat you like dirt behind your back. They leave you without a word or explenation. I'm not normally like this. But, sometimes life just get's me down. I know if people are going to snub me then they are not worth it anyway. It's just that with everything going on in my life right now it hurts and I am a sensitive person. I know sometimes I come on too strong asking people to hang out with me but it's honestly just because I'm lonely and bored. It's not to seem pushy. I just wish people wouldn't hold that against me especially right now. I know my writing probably get's annoying especially with all the complaining i've been doing lately but writing is saving my life right now. It's the only thing that helps. Once all this stuff blows over I'm sure I won't be writing quite as much and I'll try to write happier things.
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I used to think he was my soulmate. I used to call him my soulmate and he used to call me his. "I like the word soul and I like the word mate but as for the rest I just don't know."
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True love is not spending forever with someone true love is loving the right person at the wrong time. True love is loving someone through all the obsticles and hard times. I can honestly say he was my true love.
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I'm trying to just go with the flow and follow my heart. I did that with my ex and yeah I got hurt in the end but I don't regret anything with him. I am just going to try to move on. I do hope one day we can be friends again though I'm going to miss that the most. I am going to be going back to school soon though so that should take my mind off of things for a little while anyway. And my uncles b-day party is september 17th which at first I wasn't going to go to but then I decided I would because of 1. I have nothing better to do and 2. there might be some hot guys there. Especially this one guy that always used to ask for me so maybe I'll suprise him and be there. Plus, I'm going to get my hair cut I want to do something diffrent and edgy and dye my hair bleach blonde. I just want to do something completely unlike me after all this it's time for a change. All my friends have been away one of my friends spent the summer in peru another one is going to spain and another one is in san salvidor right now as I'm typing this. It just makes me want to get away from it all and take a trip somewhere for a few days weeks or even months. I just want to get away and clear my head for a while. Anyway, I am going to follow my passions and right now that is leading me to modeling, photography, writing, and fashion. If I can only choose to do a few things then those are my dreams and that's where my heart lyes right now.
love,
foxy
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foxystina20 / Blog
yikes 3 AM
I'm exhausted I've had such a long day and it's almost 3 AM and I have to be up for work tommorrow. I have a myspace account which I go on all the time and a facebook account I just created it like not too long ago and xanga for two days. I LOVE all those things. Then I went to create a piczo account but realized there was not much for me to do on it and I would probably never go on it anyway so I deleted it. then I created my blogger account which I LOVE because I love to write so it makes sense. Thank the lord I stoped myself before creating a friendster account. I'm not bashing any sites so don't take it that way. It's just I have too many already and I might as well set up things I'm actually going to use and that I have friends on. Plus, I love blogging and that takes up a majority of my time online anyway so if I can't do that then I really don't see the point. But, that's just my opinion. Plus, I love when you can say your status updates and all that good stuff. Like on myspace and facebook and xanga has pulse and this is stricktly a blog but I can write it in my blog which is almost the same thing. Anyway, I have to work tommorrow and be up early I should have been to bed hours ago. yikes! till tommorrow.I am back on piczo and I love it now. I also love reverbnation.
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john tucker must die!!!
John Tucker must die! Has anyone ever seen the movie about the guy who goes around breaking girls hearts so they have his new girl be everything he wants and break his heart. Well, sometimes I wish that would happen to him and he will find someone new and she will break his heart just like he hurt mine. But, then again I still love him so of course I worry about him and don't want him to be hurt or in pain. We had so much passion in our relationship it was wonderful. I do think he was lucky and blessed to have a girl like me. A girl that was there for him no matter what through thick and thin. I was thinking about it last night and I started to wonder if he broke up with me because he is manic depressive. My mom told me when people are bipolar or manic they sometimes do things without thinking and when they get in a too high or too low stage it can last for days weeks months or even years. I know he stopped taking his meds and it worried me and I told him he should go back on them or another kind. They probably stayed in his system for a while but then they where out and all the stress he was under and his drinking none of it helps I'm sure. His friends are enablers and they drink too so I'm sure that dosen't help they are not bad people I just don't think they understand his condition. His family they love him so much but what can they do he is a grown man. I admit he made me a priority when I needed him but otherwise I wasn't one. You can't blame a girl for wanting to come first. But, I do understand he had other things going on in his life and I know I complained once in a while but not much. I admit a part of me is glad he didn't tell me why I'm scared of the answer but another part of me wants to know so I can get some clousure and move on. I admit with him there was always one crisis after another. I won't miss that but I do miss him.
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kittie cats and puppy dogs
kitty cats and puppy dogsWell, I got a little cat. She was mine from a while ago but my aunt had her at her house. She is black with white paws and a white neck. It tooks like she's got sox on her back paws and has a manicure on her front paws. She has a thousand names harley/trouble/baby/little girl. I took pictures of her and I'm going to be posting them on blogger as soon as I get them developed. We also might be getting a little girl dog a two year old and I want to name her scout. She is a rotwiller. We are going to see her soon to see if we want her or not and if we get her I'll take her picture and post it.
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no more drama
He once told me that he liked to watch me sleep to make sure I was getting sleep. now I can't sleep and I can't eat and I'm so stressed out by all this I'm actually breaking out in hives. I only got 3 hours of sleep last night and I think I've lost like 5 pounds in one week. I hope that with each passing day my heart stops hurting a little bit more until it dosen't hurt at all anymore. I don't think I'll ever figure out why he left me or why he left me the way he did but I'll just drive myself crazy thinking about it all the time. He was the king of drama and I'm sure this girl whoever she is a friend or a new lover will eventually get tired of it too unless he get's tired of her first and comes crawling back to me. Everyone keeps telling me he is not worth it and I know that now but I still can't help the way that I feel. I'm exhausted because over the weekend my basement flooded twice and we where pailing water out of it but I just cleaned up so I'm feeling a bit tired between that and only 3 hours of sleep. I might be working at a store a few times the rest of this month it will keep me busy and I need the money I need to get the film developed for the modeling stuff and to send the pictures out and start a portfolio and I want to get my hair cut and dyed bleach blonde so I need money for that too. In september I still have my doctors appointment that got cancelled last month but I'm debating about keeping it or not at this point and september 16th is my uncles b-day party and all through september I'm going to be pet sitting on and off. And going back to school.
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he's not the same man
he is single not with someone else. I don't know if that makes me feel worse or better. Worse actually because he didn't leave me for someone else he left me because he didn't want me. Which, after all these years I really don't understand but it's like a knife through my heart. I know I shouldn't but I miss him and I want him back. But, he is not the same man that I fell in love with all those years ago because that man wouldn't have left me and if he did it wouldn't have been in such a cold and cruel way.
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sad and annoyed
Well, I hate when girls pretend to be your friend but then when you try to be theres they act like total posers. And when girls steal other girls boyfriend what is up with that? It's one thing if the relationship is done but if not that's just not right. I hate when girls act all sweet and cute but underneath it all they are total fakers. I act sweet and nice because most of the time I am but sometimes like today when things fall apart it really pisses me off. The only man that was like my father died 2 1/2 years ago my dog died a month ago and a week ago my fiance left me when we where planning our wedding. You think people would be a little bit kinder. I'm tired of men that are jerks. They act like they love you but treat you like dirt behind your back. They leave you without a word or explenation. I'm not normally like this. But, sometimes life just get's me down. I know if people are going to snub me then they are not worth it anyway. It's just that with everything going on in my life right now it hurts and I am a sensitive person. I know sometimes I come on too strong asking people to hang out with me but it's honestly just because I'm lonely and bored. It's not to seem pushy. I just wish people wouldn't hold that against me especially right now. I know my writing probably get's annoying especially with all the complaining i've been doing lately but writing is saving my life right now. It's the only thing that helps. Once all this stuff blows over I'm sure I won't be writing quite as much and I'll try to write happier things.
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soulmates...
I used to think he was my soulmate. I used to call him my soulmate and he used to call me his. "I like the word soul and I like the word mate but as for the rest I just don't know."
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true love...
True love is not spending forever with someone true love is loving the right person at the wrong time. True love is loving someone through all the obsticles and hard times. I can honestly say he was my true love.
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goin with the flow
I'm trying to just go with the flow and follow my heart. I did that with my ex and yeah I got hurt in the end but I don't regret anything with him. I am just going to try to move on. I do hope one day we can be friends again though I'm going to miss that the most. I am going to be going back to school soon though so that should take my mind off of things for a little while anyway. And my uncles b-day party is september 17th which at first I wasn't going to go to but then I decided I would because of 1. I have nothing better to do and 2. there might be some hot guys there. Especially this one guy that always used to ask for me so maybe I'll suprise him and be there. Plus, I'm going to get my hair cut I want to do something diffrent and edgy and dye my hair bleach blonde. I just want to do something completely unlike me after all this it's time for a change. All my friends have been away one of my friends spent the summer in peru another one is going to spain and another one is in san salvidor right now as I'm typing this. It just makes me want to get away from it all and take a trip somewhere for a few days weeks or even months. I just want to get away and clear my head for a while. Anyway, I am going to follow my passions and right now that is leading me to modeling, photography, writing, and fashion. If I can only choose to do a few things then those are my dreams and that's where my heart lyes right now. love, foxy
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