Shebella MAFIA / Blog

I love the way you see me & I see you too

When most people look at me, they look at what they plan to pursue. But every time you look at me, you look at me as though I am something you plan to see through. Someone you intend on studying, and understanding, With a curiosity that is so demanding. I see the way you look at me, and it makes me feel priceless. I have never felt priceless. I have never felt the highness of a kindness like yours. I have never seen the lightness in the righteous before. I don’t have to worry about a crisis & I can minus the dryness. Your touch works better than Midas, giving me a rightness That has me feeling a shyness, that gives my skin a brightness. You love me like I am timeless and I see this all because it all resides within your iris. So at the end of the day, every day, I just want to thank you! Because you have penetrated me, and you have broken through The world may not see it, and frankly, they may not want to. Once they do they will comprehend & quit whatever tricks they want to look to Because then they will realize that as they look at me, that I, my love, I only have eyes for you.

I’m not a D8R, but we can Hang!

I am not a DATER, however, I will HANG OUT though.

And just as I was asked a moment ago, I am sure some of you are wondering about the difference, and why I am opposed to one and not the other.

A DATE (by definition) is an appointment for a particular time, esp with a person to whom one is sexually or romantically attached. Dating requires being courted, and chivalry and dos and don’ts and pet peeves. And having to be interested in someone or at least finding out if you are. You know… regulations. We all know if dates go well it’s suppose to lead to feelings, then relationships, then engagement, marriage, a kid to kids to dogs, cars, joint accounts, bills, debt, and death. Lol, the term date is literally DATING the beginning of your end.

A HANG OUT (also by definition) is to become associated with a person. You see how simple that is. No circumstantial obligations. Just acceptance. If you want to learn to appreciate them, great, if you learn that they aren’t all that great… you keep it moving. I cannot deal with expectations. I refuse to do it! That’s because I like the idea that I can learn you as an individual, deal with learning how to respect you as for who you are, not who I want/need you to be in order to fit in with me. I like the action of validating people for merely being people, and not solely based upon what they can offer me.

And that’s the problem I have with DATING. The expectation! People have a habit of building up hopes and seeing people as who they can potentially be, instead of seeing them for what they are at that moment. Then when they don’t meet expectations they get disappointed. If people just learned how to appreciate the right now, and only create expectations for themselves instead of trying to live life for everyone else, it would make life a breeze. I mean we all have the potential to be great. The difference between those who are great and those who can be is ACTION. And that action has to be brought about by ones own self.

To me the difference between a DATE and a HANG OUT is equivalent to the comparison of Being Tyler Perry, and a spectator watching a Tyler Perry movie on boot leg. Lol, and I will break that down for you. Tyler Perry puts time and love into his work. He is choosy about what he takes on, and aware of what may come of it, and since he has a following and reputation, he has developed expectations. If the movie does well, he will be encouraged to continue on his path with even more anticipation and expectation as he had before. If it doesn’t do well, there will be disappointment and some hesitation and adapted adjustments for the next project. Much like dating. HOWEVER, if you aren’t Tyler Perry and you got the movie for the super low low outside the grocery store or barber shop, there are really no strings attached. If it’s great, you just came up on something without being asked to do more than you are willing. It’s just a bonus, and an addition to your collection. If it’s lame-o supreme-o, you would say, “At least I didn’t go to the movies and have to pay for this”, or “I only paid a dollar for this.” And then move on. You see how there is no real attachments to it. No real disappointment, because you didn’t have to work as hard because there are no expectations. You just get to be yourself without having to take things too personal.

Besides, I would rather get to know you as my friend prior to trying to date you anyway. That is a huge problem in the dating world now. There is no respect in a relationship prior to it because the foundation of the relation doesn’t happen. People normally know nothing about their significant other until after they start dating. I want to know you before I try to want you.

So that’s it. the reason I prefer hanging out over dating. I am not sure if this qualifies as a rant, but I do know you should know this about me regardless to if you are trying to pursue me or not.

I don’t write EROTIC poetry (I’m not a poet) But I think EROTIC thoughts

There are moments I think of often,

And then there are moments I hardly think of.

As of now, I often think of how hard you are.

I am impatiently awaiting the discovery of your sexual healing

Because my body has been neglected

And I am waiting to be inspected by the tips of your fingers,

The grip of your hands, and the embrace of your arms

I anticipate the moist kiss of your lips left upon my breast

I am ready for perfectly placed pecks that trace my silhouette

And whispers in the air of “I’m not there yet”

I am longing for a sensual aggression that sends chills up my spine

Following the phrase, “This P***y is mine”

Thinking of you massaging my thighs has put me on edge

Picturing you in between my thighs has got me on edge

Needing to feel your tongue… mmmm I am on edge

And I am aroused

I want to hear these words exit your mouth, and spoken softly in my ear…. “Baby, you are so wet”

I want to feel the strength of your desire and the warmth of your passion

As every bit of you enters me

Every stroke makes me a bit less bashful

And every moan takes you one step closer to ecstasy

Leg locking, hair pulling, shoulder biting, ass smacking, and lip quivering ecstasy

I want all of you in me.

I want every thrust to be the best thrust you have ever put into motion

I want every movement to be as graceful as your smile is flawless

I want every kiss to be as full and as soft as the lips that are serving them

I want you

I want everything about you

From the sweat beads on your forehead to the future scars on your back

There are moments I think of you often

And then there are moments I hardly think of anything else

Right now I am thinking of how often I can get you hard.

The Forgotten Heroes

“I am a decorated soldier and prisoners get more respect than me!”

Words that escaped his mouth with such conviction that it drove chills down the center of my back, into the gut of my stomach, and back up into the pit of my heart. I had never knew of a war hero that was so close to my age and openly shared his experiences, and then that statement happened. My eyes opened to a degree that changed me indefinitely.

It made me realize even more how flawed our society is, or just our world in general. I mean fortunately the war didn’t part me from my brother or sister, but if it did, I would be the proudest sister of a soldier ever, like of all times! And that got me thinking. We praise insignificant things. We allow our children to idolize false images of safety. The super heroes and movie mobsters, the moronic cartoon characters and damsels in distress. It’s so easy for us to over look the reality of it all, while the real heroes go unnoticed. As if to say, ”If it’s not happening to me, it’s not a concern of mine.”

It’s disgusting to even think that our youth is quoting Little Wayne, but they have no idea of the world that exist outside of their block! That Nicki Minaj is imitated and worshiped but promotes the demotion of self worth and single-handedly is destroying whats left of the art of being a lady. You know every team on the NFL and NBA, every name of a REAL HOUSE WIFE, but know not of the fallen soldiers that stayed 20 minutes away from you. It’s a surreal truth when you start to realize how much time is spent on things with no value when there are mothers that are arranging funerals for individuals that they valued most in life.

There are real people in this country that fight for change. There are men and woman that see horrible things and go through indescribable events to ensure our “normalcy”. They willingly give up everything they love and know. Human beings just like you and I that put everything on the line to exhibit the love and passion they feel for a country we destroy from within on a daily basis. Real men and woman that give up LIFE selflessly for the individuals that reside in this very country, it’s truly and undeniably remarkable.

We as people are doing a horrible job showing appreciation to those who are willing to risk their lives to make our everyday life a reality. Regardless to if you believe in war, or if you believe in a specific faith, or whatever your preference is on love or belief is on anything, they fight for a country that obtains all of those beliefs and our cultures and diverse backgrounds. And I understand at times this amazing country of ours seems to be the lamest place in all of the world, but it is OURS, and it’s allowed us to be the incredible individuals we have and are becoming. I am not asking you to start kissing feet or tattooing names on your body. I just ask that you show you’re grateful to those who dare to do the things you would hesitate to do in your nightmares! Start respecting men/woman that are really fighting for a cause and really are making a difference in the world, let alone on the streets. I know this is random, but sometimes we have to be our own wake up call. That way we keep the nightmares at bay, and learn to remember instead of continuing to forget the already forgotten.

Hello world!

Welcome Guys!!!

This is my first post, so before I start blogging about my random Thoughts, Feelings & Ideas, I figured I would give you a taste of who I am. I thought I would do that by sharing something I wrote when I just finally got fed up with being referred to as phrases I was exposed to during my cultures sudden obsession with Nicki Minaj. From time to time I rant and this was a great rant! So I hope you can enjoy it and can relate! If you are offended I provoke/challenge you to open your eyes and realize all the wonders and glories that this world possesses. Because honestly, Nicki Lewinsky is at the bottom of that totem pole! (Initially, no pun was intended, but now that I think about it, all pun intended!!!) Let me hush my face, because she is a rant all on her own! And all of her Barbs and Kens??? This is our future guys! REALLY!!! Anyway, so as I was saying, I hope you enjoy this and come back and visit soon! Love you Love me 2!!! This isn’t a Poem… These are just thoughts… RANDOM BUT HONEST by Shebella Sexyrockstarlady Matthews on Saturday, January 30, 2010 at 9:05pm

I need to BREATHE!

Acacia Shanklin Photography

Do not call me a 5 star chick. I am not a hotel nor am I a restaurant I am no sleazy mindless girl brainwashed in this ” hip-hop” world So please do not rate me as so. Please stop labeling me with everything you want and need for me to be. Sure my energy is outrageous and my laughter is contagious But please remember that I am just HUMAN I trip over phone cords I run into walls

I occasionally get jealous And yes it is rare, but if I love you enough and you hurt my feelings, I will cry I talk too damn much I over analyze everything I lock myself in my bathroom with nothing but my cds, my headphones, & my stereo because I like the isolation, not because I am crazy Sometimes I do things that I am not proud of

Sometimes I make mistakes that ruin opportunities I wear Chucks and Tu-Tu’s, not because I want attention, it’s because it makes me happy I hate it when girls talk about me because I have the nerve to wear whatever I want and than a week l8R I see them jocking Sometimes I want to call undignified men and women bitches and hoes Sometimes I call my best friends, men and women, bitches and hoes I don’t want to be nice all the time I want to learn how to be mean I hate when strangers touch my hair

I hate when people have to stare I hate when men try to stunt with numerous phones on their hip I despise the idea of being wrong I can’t go without sex for too long I can’t stand flashy people I unintentionally hurt individuals I care about I have a massive trust issue I hate borrowing money I dance when there is no musiQ because there is a non-stop sound track in my mind I have a horrid potty mouth at times I have problems staying focused I am not as amazing as some people think I am I am not as insane as others may believe

I stress on bills too

I am never who you think I am I am just a question I am indecisive I HATE planning I would prefer a hug at the end of an argument instead of awkward tension

I release negative energy through dance, song, musiQ, writing, or sex I love it when someone wants to hear me sing I love it when people know “My Used 2 Be” I don’t like labels and titles and I don’t want to live up to anyone’s expectations of me, unless they are my own I just want to be respected for being honest with myself and always following my heart