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Trichotillomania / Blog

Lets' bring in an Oom-Pah band"!!!

The F.B.I. (sot hey claimed to be)woke me from a dream inside another one (I think I am conventionally "conscious") repeatedly repeating the cycle of 5 men with rifles, rhythmically smashing my head in with their clubs . They laugh, leave my smashed self, blood, head nearly broken to much. A small thing walks up me, ..puts something in me and turns it around like the crank of an old car... He takes it and walks away t.The armed men are 25 feet away. My mouth had blue, dead lips that have now become pink, muscles twitch My mouth begins to fizz a mercury-like spray and drops open with metallic snap, brick landing on an aluminum sheet. The men with gens hear, half or so point guns at my now fizzing body....a tick of silence, occurs. A sound from me, all of the men drop their guns and binoculars and put tier hands over their ears screaming..their eyes pop, and ears and nose begin dumping blood:, all of it. my corpse shrieks stops, ..2 chests crack open and gut-matter, pieces of innards shoot forth as those men stop screaming and the rest come to a stop..their deaths, as their now liquified and foamy brain continue to pump with still-beating hearts in a few, slowly stopping..foam from solid brain pinkish gray out of the eyes and nose on the few.. A loud metallic clank occurs as the sound ceases and I shut. A beacon under my flesh glows and hums...Carrion arrive nearly instantly..insects amass in the millions, eating the body I once used. Time then skipped to a different "track and rewound reality...and I come out intact: knowledgeable of the "G-men"..time slows to as slow as I want it. ..I see the sun is not up yet...the men entered the room in daylight..or after the sun was mostly up. There was time. "I" was not in my bed..and my apartment identical to what it would have been had I not "hopped" I reached in my pocket and found no keys...no wallet nothing..I looked, and they were where I put them upon coming home. I checked my weapons and that which was arranged a certain way...very precisely to permit me knowledge..passive knowledge of a slightly moved this or that. I reached for the items that belong i my pockets..create a facsimile of a sleeping me with pillows, a wig-model head and bunched clothing which I repeatedly check from the vantage point of my soon-intruders. I MOLLE myself to the 9s, everything could use in this space/a shitload more as I plan on shedding a whole lot of blood [somewhere around here i realized that this was not "real" in the normal sense, so I did whatever I wanted: fuck the consequence..because I know I am NOT awake right now...I am "elsewhere" somewhere.. I armed myself with my elaborate, imaginary beauty of an armory/survival suite. It lacked nothing. It was simply beautiful. . I had devised a very col and nondescript method of being re-equipped from my never-ending supply of ammo.., it rode a large toy train to which had been modded my yours-truly to come to my position in the place via RF transducer built into my fillings (in 2 spots)..I was re-armed, and murdered my way through the end of the dream...as these were NOT F.B.I. , just posing as to help get people to obey them..i.e. my landlord; who, was dead, no doubt.....I see/know his face..he is a man who doesn't exist (not as that at least) in reality. Is THIS...as you read this...is THIS REAL..as in..this IS "Reality"..as in conventional, normal, what everyone else sees, reality..? How do you know that YOU are awake? How do know without a doubt?

I'll answer for you...you do not. Nobody does. Everything regarding what we perceive as being "real" is based on nothing but faith. You, unfortunately, have no way, without doubt, to know. I was, as I moved myself upward, and out of this dream, had to go through algae and pustules on the ends of seaweed, bursting blood and infection and I'm awake

I'll take "Skill For A Newbie in Hell" for $300, Alex

I was behind the wheel of my car yesterday when the (as far as I can asses) the second-worst pain; in the form of intestinal cramps, hit me horribly. I had about a half an hour where I was going that I needed to be there; I left early...I felt as I were going to die..I began to prepare: I thought about the fact that many people go unconscious while driving go limp and they hit the gas..I deliberately was removing my foot from the area of the pedals duriung each burst of acceleration I used (skateboarding, as I call it..a way it is technically possible [close as hell, but possible] to get from Santa Maria to San Francisco (Lower Haight on a single tank)...now, having said this..I must also say that I arrive in teh Lower Haight with usually a bit more than a quarter of a tank left...so my efficiency is somewhere around 33 mpg...which is impressive . I report that this is with 'regular'...when I use 'Premium'..it is closer to 40 mpg...not quite, but oh so close (all are freeway speeds/milages)

Ba-flump, Ba-flump, Ba--flump goes the short-legged guard

I pilfer the thread with which I mend my skin and my sheets; clothes and intersticial bits. I'm too old to start, and also to old to end...not sorry enough; so I continue to mend up my flesh and my things with pilfered damned string. I clean the Bel with the Air that I wring the moisture from to drink, so i may dream, and lean on, at least another dsy. And....that IS the most important thing: without religion or mandate...just get to another day...such is the mandate of all.

Life is clearly trying to kill me,.

I have a lack of understand with regard to the U.S. obsession with little girls (almost exclusively girls get news coverage)...Nancy Grace (so ungraceful..her speech especially) has made an entire career out of exploiting little lost kids and their situations. Mass Media has made us addicted to sensationalism. I am disgusted by my fellow humans...if you cannot directly contribute to finding a kid who is lost, CHILL OUT AS THERE IS NOTHING you can do but "pray" or whatever....so, instead of THIS, gluing one self to TV about that which NEVER would have had ANY effect on YOU etc....AN ALTERNATIVE: Death is death: when you are dead...the method by which you became that way doesn't matter after a while...it just maters that you no longer exist amongst the living. If YOU REALLY WANT TO BOTHER: Set up Neighborhood Watches, Keep an eye on your immediate surroundings. Is it any wonder why these kids are usually taken from poverty-stricken areas? OF COURSE NOT, unless you are stupid. ..which far too many of you who draw breath are ignorant on top of being simple. I am DONE explaining things to people who Can't get it....I don't, by decision, associate with idiots; they exist in abundance, though..around me all the time....family, etc...I wake, I die a little more, I pull myself from the bed and hate that most of the day will be occupied by pain and discomfort , a small relief as I get to see my fiancee (not fucking w/ the French characters)..however..; It can't be enough as I wish everyone I have ot live with would simply drop dead. One: a negligent dick of a father, the other a simple bitch who takes out EVERYTHING on the easy target (me). I hate them to death. I really wouldn't care if they died...as I know, that they'd put on the mask....I know that not a one of them would actually give a shit, as they are too wrapped up in "insert pointless bullshit here". They'd use my death as nothing but a mechanism to vampires more sympathy from the world at large. I know my family doesn't care about my music career, therefore will not see this, therefore...blah blah blah.. Life.....I dare you to kill me. I dare, you you fucking ignominious bastards...how dare you reproduce!?

Who Replaced Reality While I Was Asleep?

I am incredibly tired of seeing commercials for Rx medications for depression that are "quirky", annoying Cartoons . Commercials that use terms, like'I just couildn't shake my depression", or "I could put on a brave face most days"....ALWAYS a female speaking. I suppose AD agencies have too many studies of the typical douchebag american male...as out of touch, and as bent on being a "tough guy" that many will die of cardio-vascular problems by 65 due to self-imposed stress...living up to their own standards of Machismo. I'd like for something to happen to these fools. NOW, TO DISCLAIM AND BE CLEAR: I don't care what makes you happy and what you do..it doesn't change anything about my life until, well..it DOES change/interfere...then, the ultra-insecure, tiny-penised fools who drive/ride/wear/spout their bullshit and get in my way/everyone else's. blog_6_8_11

The next time some about to be in severe pain idiot decides to cut me off in his truck with wheels that require a ladder to get in the car (I live in a town with a large majority of Mexican immigrants...NOT a people who are genetically predisposed to being very tall).... I absolutely am right behind anyone who just likes to work on cars/modify things. In fact, I am that kind of person (don't know much about cars) who took things apart and put them back together as a kid. Basically..to distill it all; I am tired of being surrounded by people who cannot "think their way out of a paper bag"....I seem to be, save for those I am privileged to be around (proportionally not a wide selection in 'these parts' of those who "own" an intellect of any kind. There are more than it may seem, however, ..the problem is that the "more" that exist are so damaged by THIS reality, THIS town...THESE people, that they don't bother to find others of their ilk.... People love, it seems, to pretend they don't make snap-judgements. This is simply not possible for Homo Sapiens Sapiens , unless brain damage has occurred. The base of our brains forces our initial reactions when encountering a new person to do a very set, known and scientifically established set of observations, measurable through increase in blood flow to various regions of the body, increased heart-Rate and blood-pressure and extremely specific patterns of neural activity (not in the brain exclusively, but mostly). To state that YOU,or any person, does not automatically judge is as physiologically true as saying you cannot live without breathing for 20 hours,or live without water,or any moisture for a 6-month period of time. The only things that makes it tolerable are things which are mine, Like Ringo...I can't/won't tell you..but I know its' mine. I refer to the entirety of the complex of things that make me stay reasonably sane. _6-8-11

The Cold War happened because ALL were drunk for ALL of the 1950s

My Grandfather spoke of how much drinking on the job/on the ALL THE TIME, that went on during his time in the military after WWII; he worked as an efficiency expert. His level of access to various things led to some very interesting stories..some of which I'd LOVE to know more about..but some of it will CERTAINLY be top secret still..I have heard things that were unbelievable (more so because it is odd to think of the military doing this kind of research) I know only the sketches of what occurred...but recall some interesting facts. I will write of them when I know more details re: what I speak of.

Anger as soon as fed is dead - 'Tis starving makes it fat. ~Emily Dickinson

who does a naught forget to see, the naught are nothing to you, and are me; I have the decisive replacement conditioning code downloaded, not implemented My ready-to-act mode is activated

That any single sentient entity is so cold, Ramona A. STONE (SEE 1.OUTSIDE By David Bowie)

That someone can simply put on electronic blinders to their committed crime; it embarrasses me. ..and that I am sure some would disapprove, I assume, ..frankly that makes me sick; but what doesn't. I refused a close friends' mother making "all well" monetarily...but I refused, as nobody should pay for anothers' mistakes.

My sinuses hurt: I can feel a weather change...as does my ribcage and knees. The weather is going to, yet again, become absurdly unseasonable. I am tired of this. I need a nap. The pain..as a thing, success-wise...it is brilliant and shining. a monument to its' compatriot ILLnesses. Pain that can exist for no reason other than that which is theoretical is a sleuth, a sly, a un-faced passer-by that is that primary sting; should ring it that cautionary ring..should sing us the ever-wary sin, and bring us, a every-wary tin. Scary skin, sun-scarred, ton of Oil of Old-Age, to permit movement without creating a vision inhibiting cloud of dead-skin. The molesters, pederasts, etc..who have the predilection should be blinded by a white-hot piece of metal being dropped in their eyes....then their genitals burned off (hopefully cauterizing their urethra shut....its' their fucking problem; them them figure it out the next time they need to piss...they will eventually break out a needle/awl/knife to release the "pressure".. I itch to exercise abilities developed to find transgressors, though..I have too much to lose. Were it just me; I'd feel righteous even if incarcerated; but it isn't just me... I wonder if I'd get in trouble if I taught a knife-combat class (using dull props, but ..there are few reasons to know this skill-set. Self-Defense can cover it, kinda, but..it isn't smart to let someone..anyone who you do not trust, close enough to successfully attack you with a knife. Pepper Spray (I recommend Sabre O.C. & Tear Gas blend) will ALWAYS be a better self defense option [distance..duh] than a blade, unless you are an expert knife thrower, of course. I'd like, just as an experiment, to pop Gordon Ramsey in the mouth.., just sucker-punch him in the teeth, not very hard, but hard enough to piss him off..just to see if he'll attack. I hope he would...very violently..as in pull a bare razor from his cheek and start slashing with one hand and throwing punches with the other. The more "ghetto" the better...it'd be funnier still if he pulled a gun and just smacked you in the face with the whole side of the pistol, breaking your cheeckbone and jaw...muttering some incomprehensible English insults, no doubt calling me a "cont" several times before spitting on me and walking away as he straightens his suit and checks for small spots of your blood. --NGP

Slander isn't such if it is the absolute truth.

Those who prefer to act as cowards, to NOT take responsibility.., to be a simple bitch. To not be culpable, honorable, decent, humane, kind or to even fake it for long enough to simply make things right. Rhett: You will be approached one way or another to pay me my money. You STOLE from me...(there is no statute of limitations on emotional trauma)....; and all I asked for was a $200 check to pay for the guitar you stole, you piece of shit. You, are the least screwed up of your siblings, so I can only imagine that your siblings are in prison or dead. I've never seen such a dysfuctional family, and simply don't give a shit about spilling beans about a person nobody REALLY knows. A theif...PROBABLY a junkie, the MOST PASSIVE/AGRESSIVE asshole on Earth. I have no sympathy for a person who can thieve from those who took them in and fed them when they had no where to go. Shame on you to death, you FUCK" I will wait...and wait..and on the day I learn that you got what was coming to you, however it is to come from whomever/however it comes..if you get sick, or if your loved ones are sick....remember what you have done and NOT apologized; not shown any remorse, not expressed a thing but a seeming glee in "getting away" with it. I can promise you, you dumb bastard (true from what I recall).., you cannot hide from your responsibility; I will not stop until I am paid my due $200. You are elongating your potential pain to a retarded degree...you could have done the correct thing (of which there is only 1), but you decided NOT to. I hope you come to your senses before I need to start sending people to you to make you know I am serious, and this is NOT about $200..; it is about taking responsibility..and knowing, that no matter what you do, you WILL. If I need to get a court order to repo your car, wholesale it, and take the money...I will. I WILL NOT lie down. Nobody gets to steal from me without recompense. --NGP

More Jibber Jabber.."What would Chuck Berry Do"?

I don't have the capability to describe the lunacy of the effects of the internet and electronic communication in general (how, we must ask, does the internet further universalize any given person' experience beyond what TV does. Does the interactivity make it more "valid"?...or give it value, rather....and he'd probably take pictures of you using the loo.

If you knew how much I wish I could put every person in the world who has the attention-span, and thus the capacity to survive of the proverbial gnat, into one person...I'd put them in a large decompression chamber.....TAKE them, devise something with reversible ballast to drag them to the bottom of the ocean and back at high speed...put them in a decompression chamber, permit them to think they are having treatment for "the bends"...and at some point (when I feel like it...simply let the chamber decompress REALLY FAST...AND watch said combinatorial miscreant will explode. I would laugh, and likely do a dance......or would I? Hmmm

If you desire survival from natural disasters....get a car that can drive the same route a plane can fly via its absurd all-terrain modifications that you WILL do if you wish to insure your survival. With millions clogging the roads...HOW DO YOU GET OUT?? I just gave you the answer. Don't be a moron and NOT expect most of the apocalyptic hard-on to clear the shelves of all of you local stores of damn-near everything. Start getting food and water now..along with the capacity (ahem) to protect your food and water. Having booze (vodka is a good choice, as it is usually clean enough to use for sterilization and will actually power some multi-fuel generators. Any "luxuries" that are small, and can be hidden/kept safe can likely be traded for life-saving ???. Stock up on bandaging materials.....KNOW HOW TO MAKE FIRE!!! HAVE SOME BASIC TOOLS (a good knife is what means life or death..AGAIN, A GOOD KNIFE IS WHAT MEANS YOUR LIFE OR DEATH..PERIOD., ..IF YOU HAVE AN IMPENDING DISASTER OF THE NATURE YOU'LL BE INSIDE, FILL YOUR BATHTUB/S WITH WATER AND LEAVE THEM, AS YOU MAY BE DRINKING IT SOON. (incentive to keep your bathtub clean). In a mode such as this, a ration of calories daily is 1500 for Women (avg), and 1700 for men..HOWEVER, if you are doing lots of physical labor to prepare your "survival"..you must replenish your calories, or your body will eat you, literally. If you can get them, buy antibiotics. I think that many doctors may be willing to prescribe an emergency amount of some broad spectrum antibiotic for putting into a survival kit.. Start a seedbank. There are many sites that sell "heritage" seeds...which are genetically stable F1 strains, therefore far easier to grow. Learn to grow everything you can that you eat. Grow herbs and spices along with medicines. Aloe and other plants WILL be invaluable as most people don't have the expertise to grow certain medicinal crops (we all know of what I speak)...we must share such knowledge...but selectively. For example: lets not tell EVERYONE how to grow(giving them the seeds), process and make cocaine. I know, personally..if there was a potential point of famine/death..as in very close....I'd bury my head in a brick of coke and die of a heart attack as opposed to starving to death a bit later...so I think it best that cocaine, opiates, etc be grown by select people and not policed or prohibited..but, since BOTH are absolutely necessary for the medical care (in the event of surgery and/or injury as anesthesia)..they can't be squandered on "getting high"....Cannabis, however......come on. In such a scenario, how could anyone really care...not to mention its' medicinal capacity is just as "profound" as the former two mentioned/. I shut up now.

Cpies of me dying ticks apart while I and other

Tons of guns, and life, 'cuz none have a Howitzer behind our walls now,. We sat down to drink, to dull the pain of being too stupid to not have thought, but that now, regretfully, we think. Circling deaths' asshole/drain I wake at exactly the same minutes every cycle. I am awake at 3:27 to take drugs...sometime urinate (which, at the hour, I hate, my taint gets a CRAMP, for fucks' sake...and for all that I despise (the list is too long) and could kill with my eyes;I'd still not let them suffer this way for more than a few minutes. Mercy as a male requires me to shoot him, as that is what he wants at the moment. I might not paint his bathroom walls with his insides..I'll kneecap him to stop the "Gooch" cramp...nobody deserves to go out after having such a cramp, as they have suffered enough. If you haven't had one, (which almost nobody has) I'll get a needle and a spasmodic agent and give you one and record you begging me to kill you (yes..it does hurt that much...like getting kicked in the testes and then having a car battery negative terminal clipped to wet, exposed "in-between" flesh,..one bloodily grasping the perineum, the other on the Glans...THAT is what a cramp there is like. Damp, dripping and shivering with electric aftershocks..in a corner, no need for a prison or handcuffs or locks...as you are broken from your mind outward... Point and "reason/logic" don't work in THIS place. Don't be one of the idiots who lets the shelves go bare when the gullible masses buy crap en masse around the end of next year. Don't be one of "them". Calmly prepare NOW..without having to smash faces to get enough food and water to permit your family to live (not because there is any liklihood of ANYTHING happening on the designated date in 2012; but bet on the masses to be as stupid as they always have proven themselves to be...and for store shelves to be totally stripped. If you don't know what to buy, and can't figure it out (YOU ARE ON THE INTERNET)!!!, you don't deserve to live in my NEVER humble opinion. --NGP

Thoughts Without Title #1

A theme-park for the near-future: a brilliant money-maker. I advise you invest, make a ton, and bail, as this will likely be illegal, somehow...give some lawyer a month or two to read and find that which could directly apply to this and not be disintegrated by all of its' built-in loopholes.

You. You , the filth..the filthy wretched. The gits who don't bother. It is likely, but less likely if you are reading this because you bother to read my things (we'd have, minimally, a better chance at understanding. I can't stand that which surrounds me; well, I can because I have to....at least for a while longer. I wouldn't mind it if I didn't have to have those elements enter my "place of asylum" ..where I sleep, crap, eat and unfortunately spend my days. The problem simply compounded by physical pain, a screaming retarded kid, etc. I have entered a new age of not giving a shit about that which can truly slide; so, screw with me, and you lose your right to know me...fist time. I have forgiven many things, MANY really awful things....only when I feel the person (deceiver) really gives a damn/wants my friendship more than anonymity re: their giant indiscretion. . It'd be easy were this all a fantasy..., but now, the only way to get there now is a botched suicide attempt that makes me retarded.Don't get me wrong , anywhere...I am not currently capable of dying , giving some the satisfaction that they beat me: that THEY, moronic fucks, could actually get over on me. If I end up dead in a manner out of my hands, KNOW that I WILL haunt you, to the point of madness and then, inevitable suicide, those of you who know damn-well who you are...and will see this (you still bother to read my thoughts, how touching) ...I wait and watch, the form disappears into dust, ...it seemed to see a full-length mirror and ran toward it with abandonment of all that which was ever earthly, and left in the floor was a pile of pebbles and sand, on my mirror, a faint dusting of outline of a man-shaped thing.