It was a hot summer day in Croatia and there I was, scheming on how to get to the bottom of the Adriatic sea. As usual, I had one of my good homies in on it. We were on a mission to be the next Jacques Cousteau of the world! Only difference between Jacques and us was we didn't have any of the right equipment...which was irrelevant to us cause we were gonna just make our own out of shit farming equipment my grandpa had. We knew we needed to accomplish three things. 1. Sink ourselves to the bottom. 2. Get oxygen down there. 3. Have a rope that I could tug on to let my homie up top know we've encountered danger. After several hours of strenuous labor, we were off to the boat with a handful of the most sketchiest diving equipment ever built by man. We quickly loaded the boat and departed out to sea. Our destination was approximately 20 feet from the shore. There I began to suit up. I strapped a pair of sandals that we tied bricks to. This was gonna take me down into the deep sea. I put on my goggles and locked in my snorkel. The snorkel was attached to a 15 foot piece of hose which was attached to a hand pump at the other end for pumping up water rafts and such. This way my homie could pump air down to me while I was underwater. And lastly, I had the safety rope tied around my hand. This was it, the moment of truth and exploration. I lunged off the side of the boat and sank to the depths of the sea, which was like 8 feet underwater. Instant chaos! Goggles filled with water, the air supply was depleting, my feet weren't staying in the sandals and I was yanking the shit out of that safety rope which did nothing. I quickly aborted and swam back up to safety with a feeling of failure. While we made our way back into the house discouraged, my dad looks at us and says "What are you guys doing with that tubing? That's the tube we use to funnel things into the septic tank and you guys are going around sucking on it." The End.