1. I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves.
2. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.
3. My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant.
4. Don't let an extra chromosome get you down.
5. I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn't want to interrupt her.
6. People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian", well nobody's laughing now.
7. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
8. Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes.
9. My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
10. I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long.
11. The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself "This changes everything."
12. My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the local zoo.
13. Say what you want about deaf people...
14. I've spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer, but no one will do it.
15. I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade."
16. I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
17. I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.
18. People say I'm condescending. That means i talk down to people.
19. You can never lose a homing pigeon - if your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a pigeon.
20. Whiteboards are remarkable.
21. I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over.
This is the first entry on a long journey that has already encompassed some 42 years of my life as a musician. It all began one innocent day in February of 1968. My newly moved in neighbors, the France brothers, Willie and Craig,had me over to visit and introduced me to the evil weed. A week or so later Willie introduced me to an old box guitar with only four strings on it and showed me how to pluck out Sunshine of Your Love by Cream, ala Eric Clapton. Well look out Eric, there is a new sheriff in town(lol). As days go by and time goes on I will probably expand on this rather huge task to fill in the blanks of a 42 year career that has gone from that fateful day in my neighbors room with that old guitar to whatever may be considered present day. Being the time dragger that I am I will expand a bit here to fill you in on one particular. I now(6-2010), have a couple of musical pieces on Facebook and Twitter. Man In The Darkness is a song that I wrote about a girl I dated briefly back in 1980. The song finally got recorded in 1993 in Tulsa OK, and here last week put forth on the internet via Facebook, then Twitter. I am sure my success lies just around the corner... well, here it s November 2014. I am without a band, and have been for some time. I am rather depressed about it and wish I could meet some real musicians that would get together with me and discuss my needs. Perhaps there will be a mutual ground and some really good vibes could happen...I have many songs written, composed and such, and would like at least a bassist and drummer can connect with me to get some good things going.....Let me know!!!