Trichotillomania / Blog

Confusing thoughts on M-Theory

Puzzling on M-Theory..I begin to ask some questions that make my mind ache due to the limitations of what we, as Humans can conceptualize; I will explain. (I sincerely apologize if this only makes sense to a few of you who know about Cosmology and Physics..it require too much background info to explain..so I will simply state my thoughts. In the current theory of "everything", M-Theory, we talk about there being 11 dimensions in "reality". Now, we have also, mathematically isolated that parallel universes exist in the 11th dimension. OK, now it gets tricky...if we have universes parallel to us (potentially infinite numbers), OUR universe MUST be perceptible and, somehow mathematically detectible; even if the laws of Physics are fundamentally different in these parallel places: THIS universe MUST exist in an equivalent place (the 11th dimension, one can assume for an infinite amount of variations and perhaps in other places in an infinite number of other dimensions). It gives me a brain-ache to conceptualize this next bit: If the start of the Universe is a collision between Branes, then OUR Universe MUST exist in the same 1 Trillionth of a millimeter dimension as all of the perceived dimensions for the "reset" to occur via the collision of Branes..ours with others, ad infinitum. Does this mean we exist in OUR dimension or, do we exist, in fact in our own 11th dimension...or do we simultaneously exist in our "own" dimension and our own 11th? Perhaps I simply have not read enough to understand this.., and I am sure the question has been posed: I simply was thinking about the Universe, and I realized I didn't know the answer to this part of M-Theory. --Nick-Gerald Peterson

A piss of likely trite poetics.

I am THE prestidigitator to try to be the (when you are in a "shooting war", one needs something to shoot) guy I do not hate..the disingenuous and or the fake, with or without cognizance; I feel toxic then..My knowledge, it is a faux pas with nothing but its mind on the the ultimate take. I fly and have flight beyond that which the lie I feel berates me daily...I am the bloody Bailey. I am as fake and as real as you likely are: I am just unwilling to piss about and pretend any longer that I am just a man. To cite the adage: "You can ONLY lie to YOURSELF"! I sigh in a variety of Hell; self-imposed, I guess (If I am being objective) I feel like a current retrospective of somethjing that hasn't yet bothered to occur..and I somehow am nothing but mentally taxed via my lack of comprehension due to my linear perception of time. Good. I permit myself to be idiotic at the moment. --Nick-Gerald Peterson

Mein KOPF!

Confusion is a thing confounded, and surrounded by its "creative" element. Would it not be easier to NOT care about anything that creates 'negative' emotive qualities? I resounding say, "NO"! We'd not be the present encapsulation of that which we cal Human were we to eschew all the "bullshit" life throws at us...., there is simply no choice but to continue: to plod along until perspective finally comes. Unfortunately...many don't have the stamina, intellect or simple stubbornness to "get through" that which hurts, is an extreme challenge, etc., ad infinitum. More to say later...brain-ache approaches. Thanks all, for your attention and your giving our work a chance..: Cheers, --Nick-Gerald Peterson, trichotillomania

Some Clever Title to Get You to Read This.

Some Clever Title to Get You to Read This........: Oblique references to the now: (Note:my mind is capable of communicating with you, those are to be cautioned toward (not distrusted, simply cautioned; and unfairly, at the moment afeared)... If I looked in glass I'd see a so-called inferior thing that can't know itself as any variety of evolution of that which I once was. I am, daily (on the days I permit myself to not just be ignored for comfort's sake to dress and behave as one of 'them' to just avoid the confrontation. and inevitable desire for me to MAKE them know WHY they are jerks; need (for too many reasons to list) to apologize with truth and ingenuity. If I have the humility: so should others; knowing my flaws permits me to to me the lack of guilt in pointing out other's obvious issues..as I am no different other than likely MORE flawed than the average due to my "role" (a stupidity that I feel I have grown beyond. I am just a dude who makes music and art and am no different than anyone else, really....; it took 15 years for me to realize this fact. It is more poignant, though, as per the amount of information and experience that it took for me to simply be honest with myself, I've spend this evening painting a broken lampshade: making it a thing of my own.

--Nick, from Trichotillomania

Thoughts on Rock and Digressions

I Love Rock and Roll, but, by necessity, Rock is most certainly a very rotten corpse; no: it is an ancient mummified corpse visible in that which we hear on mainstream radio continuously...I wonder: is it that people don't like "change"? I use the term with 'Rock' defining a genre, as opposed to what I personally consider to be within the general category of what I refer to as "Rock and Roll" which includes all Popular (not referring to the genre known as Pop, though I include this within the abstract "Rock") music and far, far beyond. I guess, to be more clear and concise (that'll be the day [yeah, I know; dumb lyric to cite whilst on this subject..BUT, Buddy Holly rocked])... To Rock...that nebulous quality certain songs/musicians, singers have that simply makes them "Rock". The use of the word verbally applies far more to what I mean and has a lot more relevance to the present musical landscape; particularly to the mainstream drivel with the occasional gem force-fed us through crap-format radio. The idea/look/intention/effect and indeed affect as well of "Rock And Roll" are things about which I am far too young to really even comment without too many degrees of separation between me and the information (i.e. through how many years/people has the anecdotal evidence been deformed ...like a game of telephone. *(massive digression starts here) [note:Upon watching an episode of Brad Meltzer's Decoded ( a great show, admittedly), a member of the investigative tea, Scott Rolle used the same analogy regarding The Beale Papers. I only bother to mention this due to the amount of material I've written based on this primary idea: that recorded History is flawed. So I , Nicholas G. Peterson, first said, "The Bible is History's longest and most complicated game of Telephone" in The Summer of 1997. This referred to The Bible, Koran and all Religious traditions and/or documents, as well as historically contentious issues as being intrinsically very different from the "original" document/concept/event when there are too many degrees of separation via years, ulterior Socio-policial manipulation as in the decree that the King James Bible had to be written to reinforce the ecclesiastical structure of The Church as well as the wealth and power of the elite through use/association of the wealthy with Divinity through the use of words like "Lord", "Kingdom", etc ). *(massive digression ends here) It is, in the end, just a matter of assigned words/pictures that our brains have a need to categorize to simply make sense of things; but it never will NOT piss me off when someone self-proclaims some sort of "authenticity", when that "authenticity" is simply not possible. A fine and common example would be The "Hippie" born in 1993; who acknowledges no music or culture beyond the year 1969 and, in the end, couldn't properly understand what it was like in reality; and as we see changes in reality via time and our linear perception of same. We have not the political/social construct that made the 60's what they were. This being said...I am a fan of plenty of genres of everything; I, however, do not belong to a "genre of people", AKA a clique. I find this need to belong to a group to be distasteful and sad as it reflects that "people" are, in a word: afraid. Please enjoy what you enjoy; just don't cut yourself off from the possibility of discovering things unknown to you. Please remember to take this all with a large helping of salt and that, like all of us, I reserve the right to be wrong.

Now, to attend to that odd smell in the kitchen (or maybe its' emanating from this page) .


spongelike exhaustion metaphor.

Enjoy sleep: you never know when you'll not get it again.

Insomnia is a bastard; especially when due to physical/psychic (NO chance of sleep there, in my experience)_ pain.

The best and worst things happen at nether hours.

4 am, but 4 pm is an ugly hour of day. It is within its' very appearance. The 4 o'clock PM hour is reddish (a brown tinged one) in color. It exists entirely within the time "Three's Company" was on the air as a new show. It is furnished with like items: yellow and brown floral couch, fondue. It is the color of blind naivety: of dragging optimism behind oneself as a vestigial, but oh-so-necessary to a stupid degree (modern equivalency: Political Correctness; i.e. nothing is too sacred to not mock..whilst, once properly chemically fueled, one marches in a coke-addled optimism toward a shiny future that doesn't come because it doesn't have money for gasoline. The is always a seeming abundance of reasons "NOT TO" do something than reasons "TO DO, TO ACT", etc. Were I not me; I'd read this and pity who wrote it as it feels deluded and self-conscious (not in the good way)........and I'm usually really good at self-pity. Instead; I am tiredly bemused at what is and is not....the things spewing from my brain. Just bemused.


A brief, trite reminisence of my years in High School.

It is interesting that it seems fashionable to be a nerd, geek, etc...; however it also interests me that everyone of these media dumplings is a liver of the stereotype. They are, for all intents and purposes, no different than(insert idiot-pop star of the moment). The very things that got me targeted and my ass kicked throughout grade-school have become mainstream in the most disgusting and "beside-the-point" manner: I got to a point that I simply stopped caring about what quite literally every other person in the world thought about me..I got angry and "acted out", if you will, earning a somewhat undeserved modicum of respect based on fear of "that weirdo", or a particular favorite of the Catholic hispanic population of my area: "That Devil-worshipper". I am hot-headed and simply have to say what I mean when provoked; I prefer, though, a nice and mutually respectful intellectual exchange. I fear that social-networking, in many cases, has been seen to lead to people speaking about things/in a manner that is not only disrespectful, but oftentimes simply mean-spirited without provocation. I try to avoid, as the adage goes, discussing Religion or Politics; online especially....it rarely ends well and frankly I'd prefer to not argue about things which people hold sacred...things that one cannot under normal circumstances "convince" another of. I wonder what group of kids will be the auto-oiutcasts of the future. The cruel and seemingly unavoidable reality of school is that there exists a bizarre hierarchy of "coolness" that has to have a bottom. I reminisce fondly (I guess), now, about High School. I existed as an untouchable in their caste system, quickly decided not to play the all-too-typical game of Social-strata climbing/falling and ended up having people emulate me and my close friend to the point where we were hiding for privacy as we had become, de facto, popular. I, honestly, had an awful time of it in school; but I can at least be happy that I did things my way; and can say I have not compromised with regard to that need to simply "follow my nose" about what I do, say, how I live, the work I produce, etc. May we all have the freedom to do thing our way: whatever that may mean for anyone out there. --NGP

the continuation of the nonsense

Just so I don't leave a subject hanging in mid-thought; to continue: I am, in my opinion, qualified to make "critical" statements about music and creative pursuits in general. Now, this being said: I am not in any way standing on a mound telling everyone my opinion/s and furthermore that I am RIGHT about anything....I will, however explain exactly why I think a song/band/painting/film is or isn't (insert adjective/s)...I will talk at great length to be sure I am understood (and I humbly say I can minimally have a person understand my point of view after direct explanation and examination if not convince them, that indeed...my statement or opinion has merit). I fully comprehend that most people don't enjoy talking for hours about the nuances of a film, endless conversation about music/music history/art and its' history, etc.....HOWEVER: as a musician: what else am I truly qualified (when addressing an audience that is listening to me talk due to their interest in our music, it simply feels off and odd to do just what various celebrities do when publicly stating religious beliefs, lifestyle opinions, political view, etc....you know what I mean and likely some of the people I am thinking of when writing this. I have my assumptions and thoughts about various public figures and their public disclosure of their private lives; but I do my best to (when it applies) separate their work (and enjoy it thoroughly in some cases) from tabloid-esque factoids about them "behind closed doors" as well as blatant, self-generated statements that only succeed in ostracizing at least some portion of their prior audience. I guess that finishes the thought. --NGP

"Roles" and other such nonsense.

Each time I think of my "role" regarding how to approach things, as a musician or from any creative point of view; I question the fundamental concept of an artists' "role" (I am a sucker for quotation marks in place of questioning my use of a word or phrase) and why/whether I am qualified to spout off about topics about which I am not an expert nor necessarily terribly well-informed. I AM, of course, entitled like everyone to opinions: but, sorry, every-time an actor, musician, entertainer, etc. begins to get "preachy", so to speak; I become nauseous. It is a thing I don't understand well myself, but I simply feel that these opinions don't matter, therefore I would rather not have a bad taste in my mouth about X, Y or Z musician, band, actor, etc due to knowledge of what their personal proclivities may be that simply don't compute to me. I would rather just enjoy the persons' work and leave it at that. --NGP

Not a singular thing other than the infomercial.

I sit here at stupid hours when the world around me sleeps....I sit and think/write/smoke/decompress. It is a strange thing how quiet of a certain quality can be deafening...it follows that isolation (in the grand, Phildickian sense of the word)...as in the separation of "everyone from everyone" in the most meaningful/affecting posture. The film "Surrogates" comes to mind. I am tired but desire no more sleep: my mind is far too active It is about 12 hours later, and I feel fine being candid that I am writing this as a "reason" for any readers to bother to listen to our songs...not much more. I appear to be in a situation that has uniquely isolated me from music and influence over the last 10 years in such a manner that only certain things made their way through as influences; a self-admitted music snob only permits certain things as "acceptable" for extended listening (let me assure you that numerous philosophical discussions amongst friends/fellow musicians regarding, essentially, whether it is "right or wrong" for us to be so critical regarding what we hear and our willingness to eschew that which simply doesn't appeal due to the presence (in those who have played music for the majority of their lives) to what we hesitantly refer to as a more "educated ear" than the average person...again, being very careful not to place ourselves "above" others in regard to our "sophistication"..ergh...I am putting my foot in my mouth I think, a bit: no matter....it is a daily occurrence at its' minimum. --NGP