Well Trained Monkey / Blog


Hello, friends of Well Trained Monkey from far and wide!

First off, I'm completely ignoring the practical advice of web promotion experts everywhere by using all caps in my subject line because this is a BIG FREAKIN' DEAL!

As you may have heard, the End of the Mayan Calendar is one week from tonight, December 21, 2012. What do you think will happen when the Mayan Calendar ends?

Pop culture versions:

Doomsayers would have us believe Planet X/Nibiru will be passing by on an elliptical path that swings it by the Earth every so often, causing gravitational havoc, tectonic plate shifting, and alien invasions, or that we'll be knocked out by massive solar flares (maybe another side effect of Planet X), or that an Orwellian New World Order will set up shop under a one world government with a one world currency, microchipping us all and establishing totalitarian rule.

New Agers tell us we are about to enter the Age of Aquarius when we'll all have a much better sense of connectedness, and maybe the human race will have the opportunity to join an intergalactic health club run by aliens. There will be a greater balance between masculine and feminine energy on the planet and we'll have access to the ancient knowledge of advanced civilizations that once populated the Earth. We'll be entering the fourth and parallel fifth dimensions and our consciousness will expand in tandem with these shifts. It's recommended to pay attention to where you will be physically, spiritually, and mentally on the date of 12.21.12 to ensure you are ready to transition into a higher state of being.

Well Trained Monkey version:

It's the ApoCalypso dudes! Everybody goes to Big V's on University Avenue in Saint Paul, the inevitable place where the stargate wormhole will appear above the stage after Incinarator, Repulsar, Necrovagina, and Well Trained Monkey have performed. We all step through the stargate into a parallel universe where magic robots with time machines do all the work and all we will have to do is play music and frisbee golf.

All you have to do to ensure you are ready to transition into a higher state of being is to be at Big V's at 1567 University Avenue West (corner of University and Snelling) on the evening of December 21st, 2012, bring $5.00 to get in, another $40, $60 or whatever so you can drink Pabst Blue Ribbon (official sponsor of the End of the Mayan Calendar Show at Big V's), an open mind, and get ready to be enraptured! Doors are at 9:00.

Well Trained Monkey loves you and I look forward to bringing you electro-Calypso as well as ApoCalypso music from the Age of Aquarius.

The Facebook invitation for this event is here, and it has some pretty hilarious threads going. Enjoy:



The Laundry's debut "First World Problems" drops NOW!


Streaming for a limited time, please check out the new EP from my reggae band The Laundry. We recorded our 6-song debut "First World Problems" at Studio W in River Falls, Wisconsin over a weekend in June.

The Laundry are a power cleaning power trio dabbling in reggae, funk, and occasionally demented gypsy polka, but mostly electric reggae. Recording and production for the album was done by Jason K at Studio W. Scott Hatch: bass, vocals. Wayne Sayres: electric guitar, vocals, alto saxophone on "Dishes and Laundry" and jailhouse blues harp on "Everybody Feel Irie (Be Happy)." Bryan Jacobson: drums, percussion, and vocals. CD release party Saturday night August 4th @ Wild Tymes in downtown Saint Paul - free! Thanks and everybody feel irie. -Wayne

CONvergence 2012

Warning: excessive name-dropping in this blog, and you should check out the music of all the folks I mention. : )

I've always wanted to attend a sci-fi convention, and last night I was able to take a dip into CONvergence 2012 as a guest musician. I was able to get comfortable in the Hamonic CONvergence Lounge and play an entire hour's worth of Well Trained Monkey material, with my good friend John Hewitt doing a great job of auxiliary percussion on a vintage set of synth drums. Thank you Dayna Jean Wolter with Pirates of Dreamtime, with whom I played a Ficshe-organized Solstice show @ Club Underground a couple weeks back, for the opportunity! The sound in the Harmonic CONvergence Lounge was top-notch, thank you Barry and Steven for the sound and lights wizardry.

Before the show I tried to drum up a little audience by running around amongst the CON-goers with my red goggles yelling into a toy megaphone. I got to dance with a person in an awesome robot suit and played some loud sax in the public spaces. It was tremendous fun, and I felt pretty at ease amongst fellow weirdos.

I love it when I'm playing a show, get done, and realize a good friend I have not seen in some time has been in the audience—that was the case last night when I saw my favorite fiddling friend and fellow science fiction fan Andy Anda, who I have sat around many a bluegrass festival campfire with at El Rancho Manana. Andy is a tremendously gifted fiddler and it was awesome to see him and catch up a bit.

After packing up gear I went off to explore the Con. Almost immediately someone shouted, “Well Trained Monkey!” It was a concertgoer who’d seen the aforementioned Club Underground show a couple weeks ago, Joe, who said I’d startled the hell out of him earlier when I was playing sax in the lobby. Small world! He gave me a tour of the Con and I got to check out the different panels, cinema rooms, raging parties, and wild wonderful weirdos in a range of crazy costumes all while telling them about my one person band. Also at the Con I saw Pirates of Dreamtime do a fantastic and meditative set, ran into talented musicians Natalie Nowytski, vocalist with Orkestra Bez Ime, and Tanya Brody, Celtic harpist, with whom I had played a show with at Wild Tymes a little while back. Even ran into a coworker at the law firm where I work. So as a stranger in a strange land, I was pleased to find myself in great company. It was an awesome experience all around and I wish I’d stayed to hear the Feng Shui Ninjas but by 12:30 I was rapidly turning into a pumpkin so I had to take off. Great experience and I will probably try to attend another one as a full weekend participant sometime.

Till next time, Well Trained Monkey

"Tears Fall" - Tantrum Remixed by Well Trained Monkey

Greetings again friends! I need a favor of ya. I recently completed work on a piece of studio music I had been mixing for quite a few months, and I'm pretty happy with it; I remixed UK singer Tantrum's powerful vocals into a relentless and twisted blend of salsa, bossa nova, techno and jazz to create the new track "Tears Fall," a tale of forbidden passion. I did the programming, sax, bass, and Hawaiian cigar box wah guitar, but what I'd love to get some comments on are the excellent vocals as I want to share your thoughts with Tantrum as a thank-you for providing them for the track. Listen to the original here: http://www.reverbnation.com/tantrumsounds

My remix is the first song in the Well Trained Monkey player.

As always, thanks for your support! -Wayne


This year's Nordeast Minneapolis Art-A-Whirl Festival is going to be one to knock yer socks off. May 18, 19, 20, yours truly, Well Trained Monkey, and some lovely bands I associate with will be performing for your entertainment at the Mahlmann residence @ 1308 Grand Street. It will be on the official AAW map! Artists with wares for your perusal, food, music, it'll be a party. Set times and more info will be posted soon!

A Track-a-Day - Canteloupe Island Cover

Hi again friends! It's the final day in the Well Trained Monkey track-a-day all week long until tonight's free B-DAY PARTY FOR ABE VIGODA @ the Hat Trick Lounge in beautiful downtown St. Paul, at which I am performing with Plasmatic Brain Spasm, Primadonahue, and Low-Gain. (134 5th St E, music at 9:00)

Today's track is a new cover for me, Herbie Hancock's classic "Canteloupe Island." Programmed drums, recorded sax n bass yesterday and mixed it down this morning. Not perfect, not meant to be (that applies to all my material).

Note: I do NOT own rights to this song and will happily comply and take it down if copyright issues arise.

"Time Machine Chase on Martian Highway"

Well Trained Monkey soundtrack music to a radio play that was never meant to be heard!

The demented nugget of Americana I’ve posted for today’s track-a-day-before-The-Abe-Vigoda B-day party at the Hat Trick Lounge in St. Paul Friday 2.24.12 is weird even by Well Trained Monkey standards.

Sans dialogue, “Time Machine Chase on Martian Highway” is a soundtrack recording to a Well Trained Monkey radio play in the conceptual stages entitled "The Time Machine is Now," focusing on the adventures of famous inventor Dr. Klimenhoppum and his fabulous time machine – “Eureka, it works!” Unfortunately for the good doctor, he discovers nearly too late that his is not the first time machine in the time highways, and that it may have been a good idea to equip his machine with fighting lasers and rocket launchers when his time machine is attacked by evil time travelers with viciously armed machines of their own.

Following a narrow escape that strands them in a confusing time grotto that should not exist, can Dr. Klimenhoppum and his friends, the sassy female warrior from Atlantis Sasha the Brave, her stuffy romantic foil English Victorian age gentleman Mr. Walton, and an adorable but freakish bug-eyed insect-like being about the size of a Boston Terrier with the power of human speech who only ever shrieks, “I AM NOT A PET!” be able to repair their time machine and escape? The soundtrack may not exactly answer these and other questions, but if you listen to it all… Wow, it’s over seven minutes. Enjoy! -Wayne

Fishamenz Taint track "Banana Boat"

I knew what they would do to it, but I gave FISHAMENZ TAINT a beat for their new track "Banana Boat" anyway! Fine work by distinguished emcees. (NSFW)!

Laser n' lights 'n all that

This Thursday night's show at the Driftwood Char Bar & Grill in South Minneapolis will feature an enhanced light show for the Well Trained Monkey set. Will it top "John Carter of Mars?" Maybe, come and see.