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Today I went running on the same trail that just 2 years ago was my only escape from life and confusion as I then knew it… At that time I was in a dire search for "MY BEST SELF" … I needed answers… I needed clarity… The trail is now snow-covered just as it was back then: Running, my father is on the last leg of his battle with cancer. I feel alone, slightly confused and helpless, yet hopeful. I have recently returned from Hana, HI where I had spent 4 months recovering from what was the greatest disappointment of my 8 year quest for a legitimate 'career in music'. I am running searching for "my best self", quite unsure as to whether or not I wanted music to be a large part of my future… truly only wanting to find "my best self", wanting happiness and goodness in bundles. In Hana there was much healing, much goodness, much discovery. I spent time with good friends. I spent time with myself, in quiet. I made many new friends. I was accepted by a people, a community that loves, gives and supports regardless of your current standing and reputation in all things life. I saw families work together, live together and change the world they live in together. I desired family, I desired love, I yearned for support but MORE IMPORTANT, I yearned to support, to be family, to love… Back to running… I knew the girl I wanted to love, support and family-ize… 4 years earlier I had not been what she needed… wasn't ready (call it pride/call it lack of focus/call it lack of desire to be better) to be what I needed to be in order to qualify for her consideration… Running… Too much going on in my head, heart and life… How to move forward? How to feel right? How to find "my best self"? LOOK NORTH Today I'm still searching for "MY BEST SELF"… Life has changed significantly in 2 years... I'm running that trail again… My father has passed away, the family has struggled with many aspects of such a loss… recovery is happening… the family is healing… growing. She's with me… It took a lot of growth, abandonment of pride, purification, expression, convincing, and 'Thankful for Mandy Thursday packages of love and healing' but now she took the plunge, she believes in me enough to trust me in marriage… she's pure, she makes decisions in purity, in love, she listen's and hears with ease, she's the better me… I'm truly grateful to have her (to say the least). I'm still searching for "my best self"… I'm happy… I am surrounded by family… i am family… i have love… I give love… I have support… and I give support. My mind is clear… I'm trying to listen. And thanks to hope, goodness and much searching, I'm hearing things on a much clearer level. My heart is constantly speaking to me again and again. I try to make the decisions that make sense in my heart… I have to refocus daily, hourly… Goodness abounds. Balance, balance, balance… The need for more music manifests itself... New songs, true songs come with ease... Music Opportunities punch me in the face and the universe screams "MUSIC IS PART OF YOUR BALANCE". New opportunity to record and a new album, "NORTH" finally recorded and mixed, new songs which reflect : 1 - falling in love 2 - learning to give, love, support because that's what "my best self" does 3- processing the passing of my father 4- just plain old being happy Opportunity is brought through miraculous souls. Many people to thank, too many : Mandy, Matt, Alan and Ike (to name a few) Many friends to be grateful for: Scott, Kara, Stevie, Fou & Moeai's, Wes, Dustin, Clark, Jon, Josh, Greg, Mitch, Rodd, Zak, Donnie, Patrick (to name a few more) Much goodness to be uber happy about. Much happiness. Much clarity in my search for "MY BEST SELF" :)
Brother, a song from 'North', my soon to be released album. LISTEN NOW @ www.corymon.bandcamp.com or www.reverbnation.com/corymon This song personally means as much to me as any song that I have ever written... wrote it 2 or 3 days before heading into the studio this last October… the song was not on the original list of the 17 potential songs… it became a must record as we sifted through it all in studio. The lyrics are an extension of, or at least give reference to, and to some degree share lyrics with my song 'The Minnesota' (from '6 Day's in the Devils Workshop', my 2008 release)… The Minnesota: Wrote the song after I had a dream that I was floating on a 'Huck-finn' styled raft waiting for something, something good, something positive, waiting for much goodness to come… You know, we've all been there (i hope)… as far as you can see there's no looming moment of greatness in your foreseeable future, in fact if your honest with yourself things are looking quite bleak, yet for some reason you just feel encouraged, you know that goodness/change (in the case of The Minnesota, 'My Ship', is going to come) --Yeah well that is The Minnesota -- Onto BROTHER: Mandy and I had just decided to move my brother and his son in our basement upon our return from Denver (recording studio) in order to give them a more stable home base and to walk my brother through the whole 'de-tox' thing (man, what a tough road). My brother has struggled significantly with substance abuse through a good portion of his life mainly, in my opinion, due to his 'self-medicating', trying to ease/mask depression and anxiety… It was apparent to me after a long and sad conversation that I had with him, that he was currently void of all presence of hope… in my limited life experience, whenever I have lost hope, well, such times are as my friend Jeff Stone would so eloquently put it, "THE WORST"… So 'Brother' came together as I played and played the guitar part simply because I liked it, it felt good, it instilled hope… unable to really write anything lyric-wise, due to the fact that my mind was entirely consumed with my brothers current lot. Minnesota (the dream) creeps into my mind… some of the lyrics (or references to) fit in the melody that was coming to mind and before long the song pretty much manifests itself…much like Minnesota did back in 2008. Two fastest songs I ever done did write (they wrote themselves really). 'The Minnesota' and 'Brother' are essentially 'sister songs'…they are tied together. I did a bit of crying through the writing of both :) LYRICS BROTHER: Awake your soul on the northern sky, moon arise push the breeze aside , it's the only dream I know - Take a float on the Minnesota, coming ship is my only home, now it won't be long
Now my feet are at the water - Come and help me brother - From hell to heav' we'll pave a road - Now my feet are at the water - Come and help me brother - From hell to heav' we'll pave
Give in some to find your better self, let it, let it go to find your better health - You're wonderful, you wonder, wonder why - Now you never ever wanted to be, never ever wanted to need another try