Everybody’s name is Steve. I call everyone Steve. Everyone. Dudes, Ladies, people actually named Steve, dogs, cats, inanimate objects. I also use the word jawn but it's quickly becoming replaced by Steve. The origin of Steve is long and fabled. Actually it's relatively short and ridiculous.
Once upon a time there was an actor named Michael Keaton. This actor had appeared in many successful movies including two Batman films and a picture called Betelgeuse. Then he decided to be part of a film called Multiplicity. In said film he clones himself to make more time to spend at home, on other projects, etc. The first clone liked to work. The first clone cloned himself to make second clone that had an effeminate quality and liked to clean. The third clone was a clone of a clone of a clone and was missing some key parts of the DNA strand. #3 called everyone Steve. He liked pizza. He had a wallet and a license. He could drive (not really). This was the only redeeming quality of this film. I thought this was hilarious. Michael Keaton went on to star a film called Jack Frost where he played a guy who dies and turns into a snowman. He continues to be an actor.
Once upon another time there was an actor named Donal Logue. He was in a film called The Tao of Steve. In this film he and his friends had taken to calling each other Steve as a sign of respect and camaraderie in tribute to Steve McQueen. They had one friend who was the new guy whom they picked on and called Stu to denote his less than Steve-like status. It was a sub plot to a pretty vomit-inducing rom-com that I watched just because it had the word Tao in the title. I thought this Steve thing was hilarious. Donal Logue continues to be an actor.
Once upon a completely different time at Folk Fest I was in the road talking to some friends about calling people Steve. I decided this was a good system for when I wasn’t able to remember people’s names. It was a perfect system, like Tron. Ok, maybe not like Tron. But it served me well that first year. The system evolved into a cadence in which I could find out someone’s name or joke with people who already knew my shtick. It’s come to the point where I answer to the name Steve. This could be a bad thing. Or it could be that the joke just gets better with age. I prefer the latter. So let’s all be Steve. It’s fun. It’s an easy game with no rules. Yours truly, Steve.
Its well known among people who have met me that I am a Super Mario fan as well as an accomplished Mario player and collector of fine Nintendo products. Today I write you in hopes to ease the stresses of everyday life and frustrations of the modern world. My advice to you: Play more Mario.
Had a bad day at the office? Boss being a jerk? Co-workers getting on your nerves? Just turn on your wii, crank up some Mario and vent your pent up anger towards Koopa and his neverending supply of evil cohorts. Throw some damn fireballs at something.
Feeling lonely? Been a while since you had someone who makes you feel like hero? Has someone stolen your princess? Have no fear. Mario is there to take you on an adventure to find your special one!
Feeling down? Is life a bit too serious? tired of all the drama? Once again our good pal Mario and all his friends are there to wisk you away to a magical world of fantasy where you can jump higher, run faster, and generally do things that you couldn't imagine happening in real life. For example; riding a dinosaur that eats things and poops out coins.
I hope that this advise brings you whatever it is that your life may be missing right now. From my experience, there's nothing like a few power stars and beating a few bosses to raise the spirit.
So with that, I bid you a fond "Yahoooo!"