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It was 5:30 in the morning when I had a flashback of Lake Metigoshe. A flash, bright enough to see through my forced eye lids, followed by the crash of thunder. As the rain started falling on our house in Henderson, I couldn't help but realize that my day has already started... after only a few hours of sleep, again.
My name is Cory, and I am a performer. I think this is the first time that i've referred to myself as such, but it seems I am a bit confused. I was always under the assumption that referring to one's self as a musician, artist, painter, poet meant some sort of credibility. I remember watching Johnny Carson as a kid, seeing all these musicians, artists, painters and poets and think "these people are so inspiring and fulfilled with what they do, I wanna be that." Being a little kid from a town big enough for a post office, church, hall, ball diamond and a rink, these dreams had LOTS of time to fester. Lots of time to fester while grinding away hours and hours of sitting with a guitar, making it your own, singing countless covers of inspiration to develop your voice. I was given a gift, that at a very young age, I admired... Have I been wrong this whole time?
So this brings me to why I tossed and turned for most of the night and decided to start this journal/blog/vent. Last night I started using "Periscope" at an event at Whist here in the district area of Henderson. The night is going typical, usual local "self-entitled" crowd. The ones that don't live in Anthem, but wanna act like they do. The kind of place that you are not to play too loud, otherwise people can't hear their own bragging voices pile on how great THEIR life is. So I play to the crowd (as any paid fly on the wall er I mean PERFOMER would), dipping into every genre I can, trying to get a bite from somebody, anybody! HELLO! IS THIS THING ON? Is nobody not impressed with any of the last 10 F@*&ing songs i've sang in a row? So I carry on to the last couple songs, drop the D, and give it a couple of tunes that I just wanted to see... I just wanted to see if a full lounge, in North America, on the planet Earth, could go two songs without any acknowledgement. "But wait, Cory, you just said you played nearly a whole set without any acknowledgement?' That's right children, but these weren't just two ordinary songs. No, they are two classics from two of the biggest bands ever. Figured you do "Going to California - Led Zeppelin" leading into "The Chain - Fleetwood Mac" would get something, anything! Well it did... Out from around a pillar, an old woman, looking like she had just morphed from an afternoon tea at the legion, scowls at me "Is this over with yet?"
(insert "the champ" sigh here)
However, I do not snap. My first immediate reaction is how much I dearly miss my grandmothers. How this bitter, old, silver haired women could be sitting in a bar at 8pm, and complaining about either loudness or contents. Hilarious if I may say so myself! But it did put that final nail in the coffin on what I am now. See, to me, a musician is somebody that is credited, respected, idolized for their talent(s). They do not need to get on a stage to prove it, they have multiple platforms to show it. I am a performer, I have nothing to show for the 17 years of playing live other than stories and experience. Until I get that chance to jump to another platform, I will always just be that avoided fly on the wall. Doesn't take much talent to be a musician, but it doesn't matter how talented you are if you are only a "Performer".
I hope you enjoyed reading this, I hope you realize how much it means to me that you read it in the first place, thank you! Well I already feel better except ya, somebody lifted my JBL bluetooth speaker during the night as well. No matter how high fenced in the sheep are, there are always wolves among them.