bigFoLK / Blog

Biography part III (its worth it)

Kerley jumped into the drivers sit, put the key into the ignition, and just before the car cranked, a near by church bell rang the midnight of that Saturday eve.

Kerley revved the engine of the car and looked over at Bono, who looked coolly back at him.

“Sunday, bloody Sunday,” Kerley said as he gave Bono a “thumbs up.” Bono grimaced and shook his head at the poor taste of the joke and sighed back in disbelief, “Your friends are dying out there, you may want to get on it.”

Kerley gassed the car and the wheels spun in the loose gravel as it lunged forward toward the group of tussling shadows. A disparaging thought went through Kerley’s head as he sped toward the group…

“How am I supposed to just hit the zombies and not my friends?!!!” He turned his lights on and began to honk the horn. Jamison hearing the horn, grabbed Eric yanked him to side out of the midst of the attackers. Eric, in turn, began yelling over the honking horn and the ghastly sighs of the foul creatures,

“Tim!” while pointing and motioning toward the on-coming car.

Tim hearing Eric looked toward the honking horn. Seeing the headlights approaching rapidly, he dove into the hole the creatures had come from, just as Kerley tore through the crowd of demon beasts in his ‘97 Jetta. Monster pieces went everywhere. Kerley circled around and came through a second, third and fourth time until all that was left of the horid creatures, was a mangled mass of morbid body parts.

Kerley stopped the car and sat with his foot on the brakes. The red brake light (driver side was out) illuminated the scene of destruction behind him. Tim crawled wearily out of the hole and joined Eric and Jamison who laid exhausted on the ground.

Kerley sat in his car, breathing heavily, as the adrenaline began to fade…

“Thank God, zombies don’t know what a car horn is,” he said looking over, “and thanks, Bah…”

…but Bono was gone. Only his dark, fly glasses lay there in the passenger seat where he’d sat.

Kerley picked the glasses and put them on. He looked at him self in the rear view mirror and then looked back at his friends there on the ground behind him. He threw his arm around the passenger seat and backed up to where they lay. The car idled for a moment in front of the 3 exhausted warriors on the ground, and then with a “rrrrrrreeeererr… sputter… rerereerrrrrr… sputter, rrrrrh” the driver’s window went down and stuck half way. Kerley took his hand and shook the glass a bit and then “rrrerere” it went the rest of the way down. He looked at his friends there exhausted from their battle, raised his dark glasses to his hairline and said…

“You guys owe me one. I’ll see ya for band practice next Thursday,” and he pulled away.

And that is how bigFoLK (the second incarnation) began.

Biography part II

Ah, but what of our hero? What of Kerley, you ask…?

When the battle began and chaos broke loose from its hellish prison, Kerley thought to himself, “What would my hero Larry David, do at this moment?” Following such logic, Kerley ran blindly for his car, fumbling for his keys as he ran. Once he reached the car, he unlocked the door of the and threw himself in the floor of the back seat and wait there, hoping for rescue. It was in the backseat of that car that this story really begins (as do many people’s unplanned story).

As Kerley laid their in back seat staring fearfully toward the night sky he heard a soft whisper. He jerked. Where had that voice come from? Again he heard it. Kerley began to shift and look around for the person in the car. The noise of ongoing battle outside faded into the background as Kerley listened intently, and on the third time the whisper finally came through clearly. It was an Irish voice... a man's Irish voice and nte man was sorrowfully probing him with the one question that echoes through each our lives... “Kerley, what are you doing?”

Kerley looked up and there above him, sitting in his passenger seat staring down at him through his dark, fly glasses was Bono. Kerley’s mouth gaped with shock. He couldn’t speak.

Again Bono prompted him, louder this time, “Kerley! What are doing?”

All Kerley could muster in response was a meager “wha?” Bono continued calmly, “That’s your friends out there Kerley, and you’re here, in a car, doing nothing... hiding and shaking in the backseat. What are you doing?”

Kerley shook his head in confusion, “I don’t know…” Bono shook his head in disappointment and continued.

“You’re in a car, dumbass, you have keys to the car…” Bono’s voice rose with intensity, “Crank the car and run over those devlish bastards out there!”

Kerley looked confused, “but… but, they’re my friends,” he responded.

“Not your friends!” Bono lashed, “the creatures attacking your friends! Run over the creatures, not your friends! You're making me want to cower back there, as well, you bless-ed idiot!”

Kerley briefly took offense, but you can't argue with Bono and he was right. Kerley knew he had to move.

“Ok,” he said nodding in agreement but still sitting in back seat.

“Then get up then!” Bono exclaimed.

Biography part I

Kerley’s Moment (the genesis of bigFoLK)

It started on a Saturday night as 4 souls unwittingly began their journey toward eternity... Not knowing what lay ahead, they were ignorant as to the consequences of their actions and the impact it would have on the world. As they stood, smoking cigarettes (everyone bummed one from Eric), and sipping cool water, the discussion kept returning to the movie Eraserhead (really, Kerley kept bringing it up). They were there, still considering at great length, (really, it was just Kerley talking) the “baby” and what the “The Man in the Planet” was doing inside the baby’s head when…

Suddenly, the night air was disrupted by a slight grumbling (all assumed Tim had skipped supper that night), but soon, the earth beneath them began to rumble as it cracked and rippled around them. Their cigarettes fell from their astounded mouths, as the ground before them split wide leaving a gaping hole just steps from their feet… They stood bravely (everyone behind Tim, of course)alertly awaiting what was to come next, but the night air once again grew silent and still in midst of the dust and smoke from the explosion. The four stood, cautious alert, allowing the dust to clear in hopes they could better see any danger in their current situation before moving again.

“What the…”was all Tim could get out as he stared at the rigid, bent creatures appearing from the new hole in the ground…. The army of the dead had come for them! Tim sprang into action with no thought leaving the other 3 exposed, a feared and in shock for their being, (namely because no one could see what was going on over Tim before he moved). But instinct took over…

Jamison jumped after Tim toward the now dozens of dark silhouettes appearing from the hole, but lost his footing in the loose dirt and slid beneath Tim toppling Tim to the ground atop Jamison. They lay their briefly, stunned as the dark creatures gathered around them and began to hit them with twisted sticks and metal rods. Jamison and Tim fought valiantly, covering their faces and curling to the fetal position, against the dark beasts as the beasts swung against them, gnashing at their flesh.

Eric (much smarter than the two who had blindly jumped into the army of ravaging flesh tearing monsters) ran toward his truck in hopes of attaining a weapon. From the tool box in his truck bed he found just that and returned to the battle wielding an orange fiberglass handled hammer in one hand and a hand full nails in the other. Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes in prayer, he lept full force forward into the dark, pulsing throng swinging the hammer wildly and throwing the nails as small spikes at the beasts.

The creatures, as well as Jamie and Tim, were bewildered and confused as the nails pelted them from above and then fell to the ground "Come on!" Tim yelled, "You can pierce the skin by hand tossing nails at someone!" For a moment the battle paused, as the creatures all stopped and stared in bewilderment at the man violently swinging a hammer with his eyes closed a good 10 feet from them. Eric had unknowingly jumped in the wrong direction and landed just to the side of the fight. Sadly by the time he opened his eyes, the element of surprise was worn, the battle had ensued, and several creatures fell upon him and overtook him.

The 3 battled intensely against the horde of vengeful monsters for what seemed like hours to little or no avail…