For over a week, I've been dealing with all kinds of pain. From physical to mental, preventing me from working as hard as I'd like to, but never stopping me. It's funny how adversity really shows you what means the most to you and who is really on your side. I still manage to accomplish the goals I set, regardless of what others think they see me doing and what they choose to comment on behind closed doors. The hate and ignorance in this world is real, but my actions continue to speak louder every time, creating an ever greater topic of discussion for anyone. So I keep pushing this music, and pushing' out the fake.
It feels like a weight has been lifted from me. I asked God to bring peace to my mind, and it seemed like it happened almost instantly. There is nothing left for me to say, just actions. Peace.
Sooooo many things on my mind everyday. I try to put into a song, but sometimes, there is no song for these thoughts. I don't like putting my energy into to some of these feelings, but I don't like just keeping things to myself either. A lot of people don't even have a clue what is going on, and those that think they do still don't really know or understand. Regardless of how I feel, I still keep going with what I need to do and no matter what anyone has to say.
I don't have many people to share my happiness with or I am just not able to be around them like I'd like but I always wanted them to see me become successful and be proud to be connected to me. I wanted to do and be so much as a kid, and ironically today, I see myself doing everything I wanted in some fashion. As a young artist and entrepreneur, I learn and gain knowledge from both sides. Things ain't always perfect, like that grammar, but I'm proud to be this person. God blesses us everyday, even when I don't see it sometimes, I have an amazing husband, a beautiful son, a wonderful home, we do everything for ourselves and we have people that who see and understand our vision. We've had as many changes, hard times and bad times as you can imagine and to the worst extent, but I'm proud of everything still because many are unable say that they have or had things are can still do what they love everyday, at this age, in this decade.
A lot has taken place and gotten done over this past week, but I know we still have so much more to do. I have had so much time to think while working on music and managing, and I see myself becoming a much more stronger artist with each step. I am very happy with where I am in life, but I know I am not where i want to be. Sometimes I think about the changes and people that have come in and out throughout this journey, and I go through many emotions, but I then look at my family, what we have, the things we know, and what is about to happen, and I think of the greatness to come. Thank you Lord.
It seems like sometimes things appear to be going a certain way for the best, then all of sudden things change or we're left to adapt to the situation. Sometimes it causes a negative trickle down affect that can't even be controlled. But what I realized is that through it all, as long as I stay focused on the goal with faith and prayer as my motivation, things seem to work themselves out. It's so difficult to see the clear weather when you're in the middle of the storm, but just knowing that it has to end is enough for me. When it will end? That's the unpredictable part.
I didn't write anything for a few days. I had more I needed to do rather than to say #notalking lol. But I see everything coming along and together. It's so exciting to watch the small things happen right in front of you and I 'm so grateful that God finds us fit enough to blessed so vigorously. Sometimes I wonder about decisions I make, things I choose, and who I choose to let myself feel comfortable around. I wonder if what happened what the right thing to happen at the time. But really there is no right or wrong, things just happen over time. And now I'm looking at how everything is changing for the better, one day at a time.
I am at the breaking point to where I am intolerant of a lot of things. I'm intolerant of failure, I'm intolerant of procrastination, I'm intolerant of an uneven spread of work loads, I'm in tolerant of last-minute decision making, and last I'm intolerant of people who lack good intentions in respect to myself. Everything feels so heavy but I have to keep believing in the purpose of everything, without it breaking me.
I've been listening to and making music all weekend. It feels like there's this fire in me that I just can't contain anymore. We've been spending all this time trying to find and make the right team, and do things the "right" way. Unfortunately there is no right way. You just have to do and be you, and the people will either love you or hate you. But I believe in all of what we're doing and I'm grateful for those that also believe it to. Those are the ones that I keep in mind, and whom I can't wait show love to the way I'd like when I'm able. So we still at it.
I've just been listening to all these projects we've been working on, and I am at a disbelief. Not in a bad way either, but in the most magnificent way. We went from just putting out music, to making actual songs. Tracks that will be timeless in our eyes. Everyday we create something new, already putting us years ahead in our portfolio before we've even fully started. It's such a humbling feeling to being able to live the lifestyle I want without anymore stress or worry, and working with the right people. This is me, living in faith everyday...