Justine Wilde / Blog

The Non-Blog-Blog by Justine Wilde

The paradoxical thing about writing about not writing a blog post is that in so doing, I am actually writing a blog post. Albeit, I'm not scribing about world peace, but, damn, The Non-Blog-Blog is fundamentally critical to your equanimity as well as post-modern in the most pretentious of ways. So, buckle up, babies, it's gonna be a pumped-up-ride.

Stay tuned for more surreal installments of The Non-Blog-Blog. I see you salivating...as you should. Yet, fear thee not, my pretties, there's plenty more to come. \m/

~ Justine ~

The "Happy Meal" Bedlam

*"One would think he was the victim of such madness as would make Bedlam itself tame by comparison."*

Yet, be thee warned, he/she is by no means a "victim'"- she/he is a Psychopath/Sociopath (formerly clinically designated a Megalomaniac).

Beware; if you allow yourself, YOU will become HIS/HER victim, and, remember, for HIM/HER, "BEDLAM" is a fucking "Happy Meal."

*The Mask of Sanity | Hervey M. Cleckley (1941) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mask_of_Sanity


Once again, the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, modify it by adding, deleting, or changing one letter, and supplying a new definition. (#5 and #7 are hilarious!) AND THE WINNERS ARE...

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a$$hole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The WP also published the Winning Subs to its Yearly Contest wherein readers supply alternate meanings for common words. (#1, #7, and #15 really crack me up!) AND THE WINNERS ARE...

1. Coffee (n.): The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.): Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate (v.): To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.): To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj Impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.): Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.) To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.): Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.): Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.): A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.): A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.): The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n.): A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.): A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

15. Circumvent (n.): An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.


Thought I’d give it a go:

Hamartia (n): A near fatal hangover experienced by extraterrestrials.

(Actual definition: A defect in the character of the protagonist of a tragedy that brings about his or her downfall. Also called tragic flaw.)