craig james / Blog


Dear Systems Department,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 Installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems Initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer Run, and crashes the system whenever selected.

Attempting to operate Selected "Saturday Rugby 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead.

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications. Be it online or offline.

I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend7.0", but uninstall doesn't work on this program.

Can you please help?


Dear Customer,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the "wife1.0 "program.

Many customers upgrade from "Girlfriend 7.0" to "Wife 1.0 " thinking that "Wife 1.0" is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.

Actually, "Wife 1.0" is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by it's Creator to Run everything.

You are unlikely to be able to purge "Wife 1.0 "and still convert back to "Girlfriend 7.0 ", as "Wife 1.0 " was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System

once it is installed.

Some people have tried to install "Girlfriend 8.0 "or "Wife 2.0 " but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).

Having " Wife 1.0 " installed, I recommend you keep it installed And deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems Occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE ME Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE ME for a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.

"Wife 1.0 ", although a very high maintenance program, can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\KISSES 600.0" or

"TENDERNESS \UNDERSTANDING 1000.0", or even "Eating Out

Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if child processing has already started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1"(Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for "Wife 1.0 "and the system will almost certainly CRASHA