"Your job is not to play what they want to hear....your job is to make them want to hear what you play"
This is special to us from NE Ohio. Not only have we lived thru sports heart break after sports heart break but our city is the butt of so many jokes that if you Google Cleveland jokes you could spend the rest of your life reading all of them. Hell, the Cuyahoga River caught fire, for Gods sake. When LeBron hoisted the trophy and screamed "This is for you Cleveland!!!!" and the cameras panned to Clevelands home court filled with fans watching it on a huge screen.....it brought tears to my eyes. That was the top sports moment in my life. Cleveland Rocks!!!!!
The Yard Dogs were born out of necessity. We wanted to perform our own original music, create our own identity, have a good time, meet some great friends and make a living as musicians. We did it! In the beginning it wasn't easy....Brian had a successful massage business, Charlie was a marina manager for a very profitable marina/restaurant (he had also recently moved here from Wisconsin) and I was doing all right as a solo singer/songwriter. Brian, Charlie and I performed regularly at my open mic which then was at Berts every Tues. I had known Brian for a while and we played with Lee the Troubador a number of times with me on percussion. Charlie showed up at my open mic one night because his beautiful wife Deb had prodded him into playing some music once again after leaving his band in Wisconsin. I still remember Charlie coming up to me and asking if he could play a few songs with me. I asked :what do you play?" When he told me accordion, I thought to myself..."accordion?" The Yard Dogs were born that very night. Now, around 14 years later, I look back on our struggles thru 12 cd's, shitty gigs where we didnt get paid, gigs that fired us because we werent cool, performing at that Hilton where it sucked so bad we stole a bottle of whiskey and drunk it on the way home....all the way thru our breakthroughs, success, standing o's and multitudes of friends/fans. In short...looking forward to March 12!
The Yard Dogs will get together on Wednesday February 17, 6 pm at Kips weekly open mic (Olde Fish House-Matlacha) in order to practice for our upcoming show at Americana Music Association (ACMA) Musician still invited to come pick a few because open mic will proceed but it would help if ya let me know you are coming via Facebook. Looking forward to jamming with by brothers Yard Dog Charlie and Brian Travis at my local fish house/bar. Lots of parking and great local, fresh seafood
The Yard Dogs will perform at my open mic on Wed. Jan 27 in preparation for their re-union show in March. We will play about an hour long set. Performers are welcome to let me know with Facebook post if they plan to attend and play a few songs. Open mic runs from 6-9 pm every Wed at The Olde Fish House Marina in Matlacha. I hope to see a bunch of our old friends. We will be selling tickets for our show to benefit Americana Music Association which happens on March 12 in Fort Myers. Tickets are 20 bucks for members of A.C.M.A. and 25 for non members. Come on out and learn the benefits of becoming a member. Also, if you haven't eaten at The Olde Fish House before, prepare yourselves to delight in the freshest, local seafood cooked just right. Yeehaw....I cant wait for this one.
I am Ok now but.....................a tornado whisked me off into the clouds and I landed on this old bitch with really cool track shoes.....she was dead so I took'em and joyously tripped down this paved path lined with curious yellow bricks.....a bunch of really happy midgets sang some wild songs for me along with this luscious, overdressed, hot chick who floated out of the sky (I think she was hitting on me) and sent me on my way to the wizard in someplace called Oz....they told me he always had crip weed and could put me up for a few days because he had a mansion or something.....so as I walk this yellow brickway I am tripping on the fact that everything is really colorful, the midgets were pretty cool, I may be able to score with the hot chick that can float in the air and I can smoke some awesome weed with the wiz in his palace .......and then...... I see this scarecrow....I kinda like his clothing style....its rustic, barnyard, old school and will go great with my brand new, ruby red track shoes....stop me if you heard this before
Inspired by Bruce Jenner, I have decided to be courageous and "come out of the closet". Bruce changed sex, but I am going trans species and am currently in the process of becoming a dog. In order to do this I must undergo a series of operations which will implant hair all over my body, vocal chord reconstruction will allow me to bark, remove my legs at the knee, get rid of my fingers and remove the part of my brain which causes me to be judgmental. When these surgeries are done I will love anyone who offers me a treat while protecting to the death those that I love. I will also be able to pee or poop outside and have sex with any bitch I can find. I dont need to be castrated as I already had a vasectomy. I havent figured out my name yet but I dont want Spot, Fido or King. Thank you Bruce Jenner but I believe I am far more courageous than you.
Reporting "Live From Matlacha" with the latest breaking news. Kip Lawrence is expected to announce his platform for the presidential election of 2016. We are here live at the vacant lot which used to house the world famous Lob Lolly Bar.....Here comes Kips campaign manager Carl Christianson.....lets listen in....."Ok.....where the hell did he go?" says the thoroughly pissed off and hungover Carl. "you were the last one to see him....you and Kip were drinking beer and smoking pot behind the post office the last I saw him", replied one of the campaign minions. "Oh yeah...says Carl....he has my lighter" "Go find him NOW"...the press is assembled and we are ready for him to make his speech" .....................................".as they look for Kip lets go to a commercial...." says the roving reporter for WTF...................Flo from some insurance company pleads for you to buy their insurance.....Flo is wearing thin...............Ok.....we are back live as Kip approaches the podium looking quite disheveled with a noticeable musky odor....lets listen in..............."tap, tap, tap on microphone....can you hear me out there?" Kip asks...."I AM ANNOUNCING MY CANDIDACY FOR KING....UHHHH...I MEAN PRESIDENT OF THE WORLD.....UHHHH I MEAN AMERICA!!!!!" Kip screams with passion and vigor. The audience (Carl, Kips poor daughter, this reporter and someone who may or may not be dead in the crosswalk) applaud enthusiastically. (except for tourist who seems to be alive) "Vote for me and I promise not to appease everyone"..."I think it is important to do whats best, not what people think is right"" I further promise... 1. I will never lie to you, rip you off or get a blow job in the White House 2. I promise to find the leading intellectuals on BOTH SIDES of the issues and then make a decision based on common sense 3. Countries who do not like America get no money unless they suffer a tremendous loss of life due to an act of God. If that happens, they can expect help because I do not like suffering and would rather be the bigger man no matter the country's views of the US. 4. Anyone in the US can expect help when they have fallen on hard times but no one will live on welfare unless we make sure they are trying to dig themselves out. They will feel much better if they have a job and a goal in life. 5, All drugs will be legal. I will spend the money we waste on incarceration, investigation and courtrooms by teaching people how not to be addicts. 6. No more busing kids to schools far from home. The kids and their parents will have more pride in their community if the school is around the corner.. "Hey Carl....could you hand me a beer?"..... 7. If you have a child, adopt a pet or assume care of a living being, you are responsible until one of you dies. Wanna give them up? Sure you can but we are gonna deduct money from you until one of you dies....."Hey Carl...do you know where the second page is?", asks Kip.....Kip wanders off the stage......we will be right back after a word from our sponsor .......your roving reporter .reporting Live From Matlacha for station WTF "the home of Mullet, Mangos and bugs that bite....
Your roving reporter bringing you all the news from The Mullet World......this just in..... Governor Deb declares The Mangrove Republic now has their own National Flag.....it is a giant palmetto bug surrounded by little specks reported to be no-see-ums.....artist who designed this flag is unknown but looks to be a Leoma painting while she was suffering from a bad dose of blotter acid.....speaking of Palmetto bugs....do not purchase shrimp from Larry's Land Shrimp....they arent shrimp and you may contract Bubonic Plague or terrible halitosis....Road Kill Report....no animals currently dead on island streets but rotting mangoes across the street from one time child actor, now living in squalor, currently working as a Danny Dog impersonator, Kip Lawrence...."come and get um" says Kip "but you may get yelled at by crotchety old man"...And now a live report from WTF's food writer Matti Le Shay...."its mango time on Pine Island." "In a later segment we will show you how to make simple and delicious mango crumble" "Also....has everyone tried lychee fruits?" "If not, you are missing the fruit of the gods" "After this commercial break we will have Larry from Larry's Land Shrimp in our kitchen cooking up some jambalaya"" This is Matti Le Shay reporting live from WTF....back to you roving reporter"...."Roving reporter?"...."hey...where did that idiot go?"
WTF...bringing you all the news that aint the news in Matlacha...owners of mango tree across the street from Kip Lawrence say "get off my property" as Kip tries to rescue stray mangos laying on the ground...owner of tree would rather put them out with the trash rather than feed Kips family who is in dire need of food due to Kips laziness.....large bunny spotted once again in Matlacha...."I saw it kill and eat a large coyote" says one very stoned person who lives in Matlacha and shall remain nameless....this just in Skip Elliot Bowman just married the woman of his dreams....let us all congratulate him and offer condolences to his wife.....road kill report.....dead stuff all over the place....Mullet futures trending upward as word is leaked that fish are supposed to taste like fish.....reports from the home of Arthur and Amy....she didnt marry beneath her even though he is a musician...he can cook too....Live From The Scratch and Sniff Cafe...chef Carl is preparing his next wonderful meal....see road kill report from top of page....remember The Yard Dogs? Yeah...me either.....This reporter interviewed Robert Macomber at Circle K and he is loving the life of being a bon vivant, writer and married man....his wife Nancy is currently in seclusion and will not concede to an interview about their sex life although we hear "Onward and Upward" coming from their bedroom almost every night....Annie Wenz.....what should I bring to your house for dinner tonight? I have some mullet and a bunch of my neighbors mangos....last but not least...Kip Lawrence actually has a show which will allow him to show how talented he is....The people putting on the concert ask "why did we hire this loser" On a serious note....this Sunday from 2-5 starts the weekly event "Sunday Songs In St James City" at St James City Civic Center with Cindy and Alan Bickford plus the limited talents of Kip...lawn chairs and coolers allowed