Avenging Wind / Blog

Avenging Wind:: Insurgent Blues Man LOG: 28/07/2013

Update: Supplemental I haven't been consistent with my updates for the album/project's progress.

True--my energies have been (for the most part)-focused on Dump Truck Blues, (yes--that is the title, but you'll have to wait till Nov. to know why...)--and even despite Mercury being in retrograde as it almost ALWAYS is when I decide to undertake any profound creativity--I have indeed been creating.

This 5a.m. post has me pondering a few things, as I am serenaded by the aural bliss of a movie score from the film The Abyss--one of the best scores in my opinion to date--so inspiring, truly taking the listener to the depths of...wherever you wish to go....Anyway--I am up, pondering the future per usual, pondering my direction regarding my art, wondering where I'll be this time next season--IF i'll be alive next season etc....and it is all so very distressing. I know artists personally who are traveling the world, sharing their gifts with people of other cultures and foreign tongues--and here I am in Memphis, afraid that no matter how much heart I put into this project, that it may never get very far, that I won't be able to blog about how it feels to see the sunrise in Ghana, or a full moon over Paris; I am fearing that none of what I do here will ever truly be appreciated in my own lifetime.

Now--though others say it, and I know it to be truth--that I am too hard on myself, I ALSO know I could place more focused energy toward what I truly desire, and if I continue succumbing to fear, empowering fear over Self, my great fear will indeed come to pass, because I would have fed it to the point of self awareness.

Further, if I TRULY love what I do, then whether others approve of it should not matter, so long as I love it! So what if an archaeologist has to excavate my art long after I am dust--they will never truly know the process one endures, the pain, the self doubt, or ultimately one's triumph in accomplishing the endeavor they sought to do---no, that will be mine alone.

AH, do not pity me; I don't deserve it. I knew what I needed to do before I began typing this, as sure as the answers are always found in the question. And the truth is--more than being afraid of its failure, I'm more joyfully terrified of its POTENTIAL (the album, and my own). To actualize that power begs for more responsibility than many might wish. But if I don't see this through to whatever end it might lead, then I have already condemned myself to a living death--if you want to consider regret living at all.

Joyfully. Terrified. Once more unto the breech my friends....

Strange perhaps that my horoscope should advise me to meet the challenge of 'Going Big' today. I will see this as providence.

I will see those foreign horizons in this lifetime, oh yes. Failure is not an option, and fear has been transmuted into motivating fuel.

Whatever it takes...


The Process--Album-in Progress Journal Entry #8

The Revenge of the Nice Guy project is underway-and November is looking sweeter by the day. 4 more songs will be recorded this weekend (hopefully)-putting me at 10 songs in so far—excluding intro, interludes etc. Should my calculations be correct—this album will host 12-13 solid installments-with the dialog interludes creating the story.

I realize its early to celebrate, but I cannot express how awesome I am feeling right now. This means more to me than for the faithful few who have been awaiting it. This is an over-a-decade battle within…losing steam and inspiration—relenting to just beat-crafting although I entered the Universe of Hip Hop as a fan turned emcee first. 10+ years of complicit distractions, apathy etc. Seeing this through means that I can do ANYTHING. Even if the world doesn’t embrace the fruit or appreciate the process it took to bring said fruit forth—I Appreciate the Process. I am thankful for this journey that has taught me so much more about myself—once I allowed Self to receive those lessons.

But-there will be a time for celebration soon. I still have work to do. It’s just nice to see the horizon in my line of sight. One storm is breaking—but it shall be followed by another storm: The ‘wrecking stages near you’ storm.

Stay tuned…

-A.W. (Fathom 9)

The Science of Mic Aggression

A Brief on why I (Fathom 9/Anti-Life Equation) does...what He Do...(Motivational Meditative Thoughts)

*Below are some thoughts that surfaced this a.m. when reading a FB friend's status, and he posed a question:

"why are you singing, rapping, or spitting poetry if you not doing it to uplift people??? To get props???" (Peace to Virghost Memphiasco for the post.)

Few consider why they do what they do. For them, I am not qualified to speak--but this is my reason--my motivation...which is ever-evolving. (Can emceeing become a transcendent medium?)

The Science of Mic Aggression. For me--this Art is freedom--though I doubt any textual definition could do justice in articulating how this medium affects me. It is larger than "assuming" an alternate identity--I literally seek to give the sentence *sentience*--to bring Life from spoken word--will it into being. Many squander over the awesome power of the word. I do what I do in hopes there may be a signal released activating an ancient and sacred code to awaken the "Sleeping Giant" in us all--to become a unified Force of Nature against all systems of Oppression. A dubious task--perhaps--but I would be living a perpetual death if I couldn't do what I do...

Re-Dedication to Self...

*I wrote this a little over a year ago. Much has transpired in that expanse of time. Still, I am ever-vigilant, and the Universe continues to bestow an abundance of blessings upon me despite myself. I have no choice but to actualize. There is something within me...something screaming deafening shrieks because for far too long it has been made to remain silent. But silence is a part of my nature--a Quiet Storm that longs to summon the Tempest within. And my brothers and sisters have been right: I have feared and flee in the wake of that which is within me. I can't truly Live repeating such a cycle. I say this with no boastful intonation, but I AM Special. I AM Unique. I Have POWER-and it yearns to be shared--expressed. I've run so much from myself that my spirit is weary. I acknowledge--if this be a sacrifice--if I must relinquish certain pleasures to honor my vow--so be it. I just ask the Universe, the Ancestors, my Mother--give your child strength to endure, and the courage to MANIFEST all that is righteous and pure within me--in the form of a beautiful song...*

I, Fathom 9--am as I have come to believe, no! I know this to be true... I am in the wake of an internal storm...a Tempest that must lay waste to what was, and usher in the dawn of a day renewed. In this hour I am in the lab forging what is not to be my magnum opus {hopefully}--but rather, a testament for a screaming soul; a soul seeking to express its own voice, a voice of many-housed in the vessel of one. Know that I am more than merely an emcee, more than a producer; I am a conduit of articulation for the Universe, and within me exists power that up until recently I have feared to embrace. I am weary residing in the shadows of my own discovery of self, and I am worth more than I have allowed myself to be. May this project be a catalyst for the Dawn of My Own Becoming--- As an artist, I have toiled with the notion that perhaps no one wished to hear what I had to say, perhaps no one cared for what I have to share. This has and shall always remain a possibility. But, what does it matter? If my sole purpose was to perform/produce music and art for the potential of platinum pursuits, there would be little need for me to exist in that capacity. I have a far greater task before me, and more so--a responsibility to self and All to bring forth the gifts I have been blessed to have. This of course, is no greater or lesser than any other; we each have our varying gifts. But for too long have I allowed my own fears to consume me--beginning projects I knew I would never complete, and my only excuse was that I felt no one wanted to hear what I had to say. This is why Revenge of the Nice Guy is so very important. The very nature of this project is to challenge myself to go beyond whatever limits I have set for myself. This project is allowing me to be as FREE as I wish to be, while offering me a point of focus and discipline.

The Curse of the Artist-A Reflection (I AM a Servant of the Secret Fire...)

***********After a very long day, I fell into a deep sleep, only to be awaken per usual far too early in the a.m. I logged back on to facebook, and stumbled across an interesting status. While names are not needed to be shown here, the subject of the status was--interesting and troubling.

It goes without saying that on this site there are a multitude of artists--and when I say artists I'm using said term as an umbrella for each and every medium. True, we bombard pages upon pages with links etc of what we create. It also goes without saying that not everyone Will see or experience everything many of us create.

Now--I personally don't care how a person lives--whether it is with their parents, girlfriends/boyfriends, rooming houses etc--as long as they aren't using anyone with malicious intent or causing any physical or other harm to another or themselves--don't mock them because they have answered their calling and are actively pursuing their destinies. While many of us profess to be wise--we have yet to fully unplug, but we in our own ways mock those who do. To be an artist is to realize that any semblance of a normal existence is forfeit. But to choose to pursue that path is a courageous act in an age of Apathy.---(Below is the comment I was originally going to leave on said status--but I thought it would be more fitting as a note. But then, you probably won't read it...)************

"For some of us--if we didn't/couldn't do our art, there would be absolutely no point to living; we'd die of a broken spirit and broken heart. I cannot speak for other artists, but I KNOW that to commit to what you do--to know it is your calling takes courage and steadfastness. Yes, some may live with their mothers; mine is dead--but the Universe has commissioned us ALL to do work. The hows and whys are in many instances beyond our OWN reasoning. I think people are just eager to share a reflection of their soul with the world. We know everyone can't or will hear/see our work/art. And that's just fine.

History tells us that many geniuses will never be appreciated in their own lifetime. It may be a curse for you, but it is definitely a beautiful curse to many of us--and we are bound to it, whether by choice or fate.

I've toiled, worked, sweated, and quite literally bled for mine. So it very much so IS work, and sacrifice. I see that even to those who would be seen as wise must still bind themselves to the limits of this matrix--and those of us who have made this great and terrible choice to CREATE OR DIE are seen as mad. Fine. I will accept madness, for I know madness is but a doorway to wisdom, and the paths to Wisdom are trodden by few."