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Dear lord, almighty! How long have I forsaken thee? Well, sir, that ain't long enough!
Troy Wayne here with the fake news, howdy, now let's get to it.
It sure is hot here in Lubbock. Good God,it is. I figure the only thing I have to mention besides the heat, is my brand new appendectomy. Is that how you spell it? That thing they do when your guts set to stabbin' atcha and you have to have part of 'em removed by a real doctor? Well, that's what I had, and guess what? There was actually a glut of pills over here at my trailer for about one day. After that, just pain.
Oh yeah, THE RECORD IS DONE!!! That's right, I'm lookin' at it right here on the coffee table. When you get your copy, you'll notice right offa the bat how kickass we look in the picture on the cover. It's hard to not mention that, I'm afraid. Number two: That music on there is so good, it seems like it must be somebody else playin' it, but it ain't! That's us on there, the goddamn, fo-sho, Beaumonts.
It'll be out on Arclight Records on August 27. We'll be havin' us a party at The Hole in the Wall in Austin, Texas on that same day. Come on down and we'll sign your body parts and ask to borrow money. After a few drinks, other ideas and suggestions will undoubtedly come up, you are completely free to ignore or indulge in either, this is Texas. Point bein', there's finally some good country by-god music to break up this dismal music season.
Oh yeah, from now on, no music venue, festival, birthday party, or music venue The Beaumonts play will serve Lone Star beer during our set. Reason is, Lone Star ain't a respectable outfit anymore. They pretend like they're Texans, kind of like that asshole Toby Keith and his copycat step-cousin "The Nuge," but they are really some corporate assholes from up north who don't even brew any of their own beer. I'll elaborate some more on this when I'm a little more under the influence. Right now, I'm as sober as Pat Boone and it's hurtin' my brain to be peckin' all these words out on this godforsaken machine. Let's end it for now. Get on down to The Hole in the Wall and check us out on August 27 was the message here, you can skip the rest of this transmission and just read this part.
This has been TW Delco, comin' atcha from deep in Central Lubbock, Texas. Now that I can buy booze without drunk drivin' out to the strip, I don't even drink anymore, which figures.