Well welcome back Army. Another whimsical rant from Gibby. Been a few days since the band did anything. It was a rare weekend when all of us were free of our responsibilities. i.e. Kids, work, court cases, or that inevitable bi-monthly church group protest at the abortion clinic because the pastor, while taking with your wife, mind you, caught you making an off color joke after church last Sunday. So you get roped into burning a Sunday afternoon protesting during the beginning of football season. All because comparing Jesus to the type of immaculate conception miracle bullshit that the Packers need to have another good season this year is. Apparently, being drunk in the Dells, going to church, and bashing the Packers during the pastor's homily is looked down upon. I guess watching the game with ear buds also does not automatically transport you to the game. but seriously, I thought it was just another bar, I mean they had a big monitor, served booze with little crackers during half time, so thought it was just the announcer talking about the game. But you know when you get really crappy seats at the away teams stadium? So you bring your little TV with the plugins to listen and watch the game. You get the feel of listening to your regular announcers while on the road. Normal shit right? No. Not tonight, Orion Nine is going bowling. Now here is the deal with bowling. Orion Nine has fully done everything that we could have possibly done on a Friday night short of slow riding at the high school for the football game of the week. So what is left to do in Glendale Heights on a Friday at 10 pm? Get loaded and knock some pins down. So off to the Brunswick Zone we go. Setting the scene the usual suspects: Gibby, Rick, Burt, and joining up tonight Suzy Q Sue, Bonnie Blue, and Burt's Brother Sid all packed into a very small Chevy cobalt. Half lit we all stumble into the video arcade to try our skills out at the new Time Crisis and DDR machine. Rick and Burt headed over to the Daytona Racing machine and battled it out in a head to head race at beautiful Daytona International Speedway Complex. It was a head to head battle but in the end Burt pulled out a head pulling a Dick Trickle and slipping his way into the promise land. Not a bad win when a chick looking like Nicole Kidman hands you a first place trophy on the game screen. But i never thought sex would sell in this day and age with girls running around half naked looking like Snooki. What type of crack are people smoking when they want to see a half naked hobbit with a bad spray tan run around Italy. Its called Jersey Shore for a reason. Its in Jersey and the only asshole that gives a shit is the guy that looks like the retarded cousin of Derek Jeter. Yeah, looking at you Pauly D. But in any event, it was Jersey Shore night at the Brunswick Zone. Now if you really want to feel like a pedophile, get loaded and stumble into the Brunswick Zone take a look around and realize you have just walked into the nexus, or some sort of mutant paradigm where Nicole Kidman is still a sex symbol too. Shit...at least she, in all her kangaroo fucking glory, was smart enough not to buy into the Scientologist hogwash. I mean really...the only religion founded on more fraud and lies is Mormonism...yes we're looking at you, Joseph Smith...but i digress.
Gibby Reviews Captain America Gibby back from yet another adventure, Frank, Gibby, and a PR rep to be named later all met up at the local mall to watch Captain America. Stopping off at the local B House to quench our thirsts with tasty beverages beforehand, we were greeted by locals and bar owners alike. A packed bar for a Friday night, we were not used to seeing a drove of people. I guess when you are two unemployed musical artists there is no such thing as the weekend, so it could have been a typical Friday for all we know. But then again aren’t we all really just unemployed musical artists in some way shape or form. Tasty beverages and exactly 5 mins to get to the show we were sitting pretty. The ride to the show as always, like most of the bands relationships, short, painful, but pro creative, we got safely to the venue. Treking through the mall while the night security manager eyes what these three could possibly be doing in a mall at 10:30 on Friday. Well first, we raided the concession stand. Frank mixed up the perfect combination of munch a crunch, popcorn, and sour gummies, a true movie dinner indeed. Gibby hit the soda station and preceded to order a Mr. Pibb. After explaining to the 16yo girl behind the counter that all he wanted was a soda and her repeating that this is the coffee bar and not a soda station he gave up and asked if there was a place where he may acquire such a fine drink. She kindly pointed soda station in the back of the stand and said it was self serve. he gladly thanked her and slipped her a five for her troubles. Which reminds me if ever asking for directions or help in a strip club environment be sure to tip the guy who gives you the information you requested. Which is key to getting you into the much coveted VIP areas and always Always tip the bathroom guy. By the way, as I sit at band practice. Kip is fucking up and Mitch is having a shit kicking fit, as well as bitching about making generic metal music. Kip said fuck you I’m going to shoot you. Mitch’s retort, that’s fine just play your part right. But when all was said and done it went back to Mitch dodging a bullet with some chick on the dirty.com that can’t sing and is giving everyone herpes. But back to tipping. Well sometimes just giving her the tip is enough for some. The bathroom guy is your key to unlocking the simple pleasures of the club. He has probably been there for longer than you have ever been and the club trusts him. For as low as a $1 tip you can have access to the very fashionable colognes and breath mints which come in very handy in keeping those dancers close to you without having to tip them for their time. A $5 tip could get you access to the very personal stash of goodies, this may include but is not limited to, smoking in the bathroom (a good find for those clod winter nights), drink tickets, an upgrade on bottle service, or the more coveted access to party favors that otherwise would not be available to non-tipping customers. I hope this information on proper club tipping has been helpful. And to subscribe to our newsletter please send $1 to Eternal Happiness Corporation, CO Frank and Gibby. Can you really put a price on happiness? Well yes you can, it’s $1 from your pocket into ours.
Our Navigaional Beacon, Take Two riding shotgun. As if the infinite connectivity of his mobile hot spot was not enough his iPad acted as a mobile map that would make even the most traditional travelers jealous. The newest addition to the horde of ruffians that are making the trek out to Iowa. No nickname as of yet but you will see shortly. Everyone gets a nickname and will earn a patch. Whether they want to or not. The tower directing us to our destination held our fate in his hands. None of us were in the position to say “I thought the Rockies would have been a little bit more Rockier.” But then again it was Iowa and what could possibly go wrong in Iowa. The driver of the operation, the man in the middle, the spine of it all, Kip Wildcard, actual name btw. A straight laced metal head with that lunch mom flare. A bit rough around the edges but makes a mean meatloaf. As the closest one to a senior member, takes his Centrium Silver shot with a Jack chaser. Running with the young bucks is no daunting task, cuz really how hard is it to wrangle 5 drunks in a bar at 2 am. Morning orange juice and a hearty breakfast is how he starts his day. Long before anyone else has rolled out of bed, Wildcard has a two hour leg up on all of us. Mitch another character in this journey is following close behind and will catch up with the group a little later. To prepare you all for Mitch you must understand this. Mitch is like a black version of Carlton if he lived in SOHO during the 80s and was part of a hardcore punk, metal scene. Sweet Jesus Man, Did you feel that? It’s kicking in. Well that just leaves me to introduce myself. Gibby Jenkins at your service. But this is not about me, I am a minor character in my own story. I am the eyes and ears of the journey. I have no say it what is about to happen. None of us do. The gods have chosen this path for us and we are along for the ride. We only pray the journey will be one of self-discovery and enlightenment.
Here I am sitting the back of Kip’s excursion. This is where it all starts and ends. Well the beginning of the end for most. Cars passing by, the intense determination that they would actually ever get to where they were going, they just seem lost. It is a long straight away as we leave the comfort of northwest suburban townships, heading West, our destination was Iowa. In time our own little personal destinations would soon emerge. Music blaring in our ears as we cruse jamming out to rock on 95.9 as we were some 80’s rock gods. Some band of the past being reborn some 20 years later, but still continued as if we never grew old. Looking out onto the vast wasteland of the Midwest, the beginning of the growing season and nothing to show for it. Houses scattered throughout, telephone poles and powerlines are the only thing holding the center of the Midwest together. In an age of complete wirelessness, we take for granted the small connections that we still have in our lives. Even as I type, I am connected to the world. I stream wirelessly from a mobile hotspot that is conveniently traveling with us in the car. But why would I need this? Is there some last minute plans I need to make before I make it to the show? Maybe I would like what could be my last sworn testament to be streamed with up to the second update as if people followed what I said like the final seconds of the high school state championship in some shit hole town in Iowa that no one has ever heard of. This journey could not be fully understood unless you knew the players that are going to take it with me. Then I will start with the ring leader of this whole operation. Rick Horvath, the all American- Badass, will be heading this operation. A staggering 70’s space trucker that makes you wonder if the guy in Halloween (2010) was really “Joe Grisley, Bitch!” Riding in the president’s seat. Honest Burt, That’s Burt from Honest Burt’s Used Car Emporium in Joliet, IL “He’ll lube your chassis for free” riding in the Vice President’s seat, donned in a Kum & Go T-shirt, camo shorts, and white ear buds watching reruns of lost Family Guy clips on an iPod. The good life indeed.
Tickets for Hell on Earth through the band are available now. Tickets are $12 each or two for $24. If you want to get your tickets hit us up on Facebook or email us at GibbyJenkins@gmail.com. Get them soon because we have a limited supply.
Hello Orion Fans, loved ones, haters, former girlfriends and future x-wives,
So we are a little bit older, little wiser, Mitch is starting to grow pubes. It has been a few weeks since I have been able to actually sit down and collect my thoughts on what the hell is happening with our lives, so I will start from where I can remember and work my way back from there. Most of these stories will not be in order so try and keep up it seems in order in my head.
Well drunk in a bar, sounds about a good place to start. Frank, Carl, and Kip went out to Penny Road a couple of weeks ago to see Uneven and 2 Ton Anvil and Bloodstream. Good show over all. They all put on great shows and entertained the crowd. The other half, Mitch and Gibby, went to check out Electrico Rubber Band at Fitz's Spare Keys. A well put on show with some interesting covers of some of today's top 40 entertained the diverse crowd of young fresh femmes and middle aged house wives. Mitch got fucked up 2 weeks before on Absinthe and was puking outside of Carl's car while coming back from the Exit. While back at Spare Key's, the band congregated in the bar area, for re-unitement shots. Jameo first up to bat and with a modest priced round just topping off at $55 plus tip it always goes down easy, much like your girlfriend after the show at the Ramada hotel Room 204. Until the African American gentlemen bang on the door at 3 am asking for some chick. But always remember the whores are in room 208. Round 2 but to the plate, this time Frank and Gibby take on straight shots of ice cold jager. first round on the house because she's new and doesn't know any better and well neither do we.
Well what can I say about this weekend that has not been experienced by the unfortunate souls that we can across this weekend. Frank and Gibby started our weekend off like any other weekend... Consuming massive amounts of cheap beer and shots of Patron. It's called irony you dumb bitch. We started our night early at the local rock bar and drank Hamm's to get the good buzz going. With full wallets and empty bank accounts the crew rolled down to the local gentleman's club. Walking into the club, the head DJ there welcomed the Orion Nine crew with shots of Patron.
While sitting there Frank and Gibby discussed that the club has turned into just a bar with topless girls... Knowing most of the kittens working the club helps save those much coveted singles that are so carelessly tossed around. Making it rain only seems cool to your friends and while enjoying a smoke outside, a young group of kids came out to share the stories of their adventures inside the club. Watching from the corner of the smoke house we watched as 3 of the 5 youngsters came out with there 2 for 1 shirts and hats for dances.
For those who don't know the magic of the 2 for 1 then let me explain this to you. The 2 for 1 (2F1) is a special time in the night that your friend the DJ shares his kittens with you at a rate of 2 dances for 1 plus a shirt or hat from the club. The DJ calls out all the kittens to the stage and names them off one by one so you can have your choice of the pristine talent that is in the club. THESE WILL BE THE LONGEST SONGS OF THE NIGHT... Go to any club, pull out your stop watch, time your dance then come back to the club, THEY WILL BE THE LONGEST SONGS OF THE NIGHT... This deal is the best deal of the night and if you like that kitten take her up to the Ultra Lounge and make her yours for a whole hour.
Back to the action, the kids discussing the amount of money spent on girls and Gibby and Frank spent most of the time giggling in the corner. Quote of the night "i walked in with $400 now I only have $3 and have to go to the ATM again." Sitting down at the table the local kittens sat down and wanted Frank and Gibby to go with them to the dance room. Being the whitest ones in the club literally, the kittens preferred to talk with us then actually work. One of our kitten friends sat with us and told us a story that happened earlier in the night.
This kitten was giving a dance to one of the customers, and while he wanted her to keep dancing at a rate of $15 a minute she had to really go... Well needless to say she let loose on an unsuspecting customer and let the juices flow. Water sports is not a regular activity at the club but can happen given the right girl. Our young kitten marked her territory on this guys leg and he could never have been happier. Playing it of as" OMG you got me so wet I squirted all over." he happily tipped her a C note for her troubles.
At this point more Patron was needed and so it was another trip to the DJ booth. Total on the night 8 shots of Patron, and a hand full of bubblegum vodka. It got blurry after this and Gibby woke up on his couch fully clothed in the night before's mess. More to come when Gibby remembers... Adventures of Frank and Gibby PT 1 over.
New show added for Orion Nine. March 12 at Mojoes in Joliet. This is the Slave to Metal show. Tickets are only $10. The band is planning on a Mobile Party Bus to take fans from JD Muggs in Addison to Mojoes and return after the show. Cost: $25 at the bus. Price includes ticket to show, ride to and from show and alcohol on the bus. Location of Drop-off and Pick-up: JD Muggs in Addison Seats are limited to 50. You can reserve your seat by contacting the band at OrionNineMusic@gmail.com. Any open seats will be filled on a first come first serve basis day of the show. See you all there.
we just added a no eye contact in paris shirt for you who know the story enjoy
ok so were goin to try something new.since i hate typing and cant spell worth a shit our blog is gonna be done by the one and only gibby 'spit straw' janekins. he will keep you up dated on shows and news with the band as well as interviews with us any questions ask spit straw and he will get them to us. hope you all enjoy..... frank o9