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Daniel D. Howell / Press

“We barely give you enough time to read the entire press item... especially if it's a really long one like this. I bet you can't read this one in time!”

This website - Reverbnation

“Daniel who? No comment...”

Anonymous columnist - New York Times

“Blah, blah blah blah... blah, blah blah. Daniel blah, blah blah blah, Daniel.”

The drunk guy - On the bus

“This page is amazing! I laughed... I cried... it was better than 'Cats'.”

Simba - My dog

“Hey, Daniel... you're late on your frickin' cable bill again!”

Bill Collector - Comcast

“I am surprised with the quality of Daniel's songwriting. I did not see this coming.”

Anonymous psychic - Psychics Digest

“On a scale from 1-10... I would weigh 10 pounds.”

Me - My brain

“Danny is very creative, but he can't think of another word for 'Thesaurus'.”

Steven Wright - Made up stuff

“My son is a very good songwriter, but he doesn't eat enough vegetables.”

Mom - Mom's diary