Paul Haney Enterprizez / Bio

I play keys, guitar, bass, sax, and flute. I play keys in 9-piece funk/breakbeat/soul group called Fake Flowers Real Dirt ( www.fakeflowersrealdirt.com - check it out you'll be glad u did )... Most of these songs are just idea fragments, 30 seconds or less - complete songs are near the bottom of the list. Also check out the dope videos below... read on for my full authorized biography:

Paul Haney is an inspiring musical story. His earliest memories are of the piano in his family’s living room. He was instinctively drawn to it, and began playing at the tender age of 5. The son of a musical prodigy, Paul was born with music in his genes, and this natural talent continues to be in a state of constant development.

Paul’s musical career got off to an inauspicious beginning, as during his first performance at a grade school music contest, he defecated in his pants while playing Scott Joplin’s “Rag Time” as a member of a saxophone quartet. The quartet was disqualified, as the judges falsely concluded that the episode was merely a prank, and the humiliated Paul was left to “pick up the pieces”, as it were. This marked the beginning of a lifelong struggle against stage fright, a constant battle he shares with the other great performers like Barbara Streisand and the late Jack Benny. Despite this crippling stage fright, Paul managed to score several above-average ratings in subsequent music contests throughout grade school, and even extending into middle school. He credits this achievement to a firm belief in the adage “mind over matter”.

As Paul’s musical career progressed, his instructors were very appreciative of his solid work ethic, mild manners, and punctuality. “Paul always tried his best,” says saxophone instructor Joe Lord. “I always felt like if my more talented students had put the time into their craft that Paul did, then they might have really gone somewhere.”

Paul’s musical career was briefly sidetracked as he entered high school, due to an unfortunate stint as flag-boy for the local high school marching band. Dressed in full marching band regalia, Paul participated in the half-time show of high school football games by carefully placing decorative flags on the field, to be subsequently picked up and twirled by members of the flag corps. For his efforts, Paul was the object of scorn and merciless ridicule by an immature and obviously jealous group of teenagers. This experience set back the painstaking progress of overcoming the debilitating stage fright of the last several years.

Paul’s musical fortunes briefly took a turn for the better when he joined a local hardcore rock band Plastered Bastard as lead guitar player. Plastered Bastard’s meteoric rise culminated in a performance at Columbus’ renowned venue Stache’s. The show was, however, marred by continuous, deafening feedback as the sound engineer was clearly unaccustomed to working with a band that rocked so hard. The show was further sullied by the behavior of a rude and intoxicated patron, who threatened to “piss in the face” of the lead singer as he introduced Plastered Bastard’s signature hit “Suicide”.

Shaken by this incident, Paul once again retreated from stage, this time finding solace in books and serenity in his cool, dark, cave-like apartment. Spurred on by his parents and loved ones to “get himself out there”, Paul once again resumed his musical career, and is currently playing bass for the Washington DC metro area’s number 1 party cover band, Over The Line (actually he quit this band some time ago now (this bio needs updating)). Paul’s current band mates continue to be very supportive of his efforts to put his musical career on the right track, and find inspiration from his drive. “Sure,” says Over the Line guitar player Bill Holochwost,” we’ve all thought about hanging it up every now and then, but as Paul always says, you’ve got to ‘Fake it ‘till you make it’.”

General Info

Artist Name
Paul Haney Enterprizez
Profile Page
Rock / R&B

Contact Info

Washington, DC