The Pandion Dude (Pandion portlandicus), sometimes known as the “metal guy” or “old hesher”, is a diurnal omnivorous collector of instruments and records. It is a large apex predator reaching 6’ in length and may weigh as much as 250 lbs. It is pinkish brown in appearance with predominantly brown to black hairs on the head and underparts.
The Pandion Dude tolerates a wide variety of habitats, typically residing in any location near a suitable burrito cart or beer supply. It is found on the North American continent and is suspected to be a direct descendent of lachymator, ominous, witch mountain, armegeddon, absolute zero, regraped, ociffer, dollar.99, hallucination, cleveland jones and the cosmic soul searchers, borehole, raleigh boychoir, hogleg, malcontent, sweet baboo and other affiliated genera.