The force of nature that is music seemed always to govern me in some form. I *see* music, and visualize it spatially like a sculpture in my mind, whether it's my music or someone else's. I'll have droughts as far as ideas are concerned, and then something random and unexpected will trigger me, and a song happens in minutes. If I constrict an idea and it gets the gist that I 'want' it to do something or be something, it shrivels off. If I let go, and just fall into what the idea wants to become, the magic happens. Sometimes as I'm lost in playing I forget where I am, and I'm actually surprised when I come back to realize I'm sitting on a chair, a bench, or on the floor.
There is nothing to compare the gift that is being musical... it frees you from the tethers of so many troubling inner and worldly issues, and gives you a powerful conduit through which you can say unique, secret, fantastical or difficult things. In my life experience I've been pulled back from the ledge, I've been kept away from bad influences, and I've been given an enviable sense of freedom - My creative urges usurp any attempts to withhold something - with the song I say whatever I feel, however powerfully I feel it, and I realize that not everyone has that kind of outlet.