Jimmy Carter was on the television, sweating and stammering, trying to explain the gas crisis and skyrocketing inflation. Out behind the barn, 14-year-old Cornfed (Matt Wheeler) was busy building a drum kit out of corncobs, hog bones, and old whiskey barrels. Skynyrd blared from the 8-track in his daddy's Ford. Little Cornfed learned to bang out primitive rhythms, but soon grew bored and looked for other ways to scratch his musical itch. So he stole a banged-up acoustic guitar from his second cousin/girlfriend, hotwired a tractor, and headed west.
Half a world away in a tiny village in Uzbekistan, a teenager named Christopher Shinkus ran screaming down an unpaved alley. An old woman in a shawl chased him carrying a gnarled stick. She was surprisingly agile, her feet seeming to skim lightly above the path. But Chris got away and kept running until he woke up nearly two decades later in Venice, CA. Some say the curse she put on him persists to this day. All we know for sure is that Chris will never lick frogs and wander naked into strangers' houses again. Probably.
Little Jason Hubbard sat in his mother's lap. He was 16 and his mom was smokin' hot, so he just liked sitting in her lap. So what? Who's to judge? At night he'd lock himself in his room and doodle on a secret notepad he kept under his mattress. Interestingly, the sketches resembled elaborate gear endorsement deals and outlandish performance riders. Jason had always been precocious, and we love him for it to this day.
On the day Jeff Moses played his first rock show, the last witch put to death in Salem was cut down from the gallows. As he packed up his borrowed gear and climbed into the back seat of Huey's smelly Corolla, he wondered what fate awaited him for his sins. And then the phone rang. Cornfed needed a guitar player.
That's about it, really. These days The Cornfed Project rocks the balls off audience members every chance they get. Which isn't too often because who wants their balls rocked off? Regardless, Cornfed (vocals, guitar), Shinkus (bass, vocals), Jason (drums), and Moses (guitar) stay busy driving sonic nails through eardrums, melting faces, and turning fans of hard rock into fans of The Cornfed Project. And you, fucker, are next.