Reindeer Rap
Music & Lyrics by Rita Abrams/Elmo Shropshire
Elmo Publishing/Mill Valley Music

Thanksgiving’s over, Mrs. Claus and I wuz pickin’ at the turkey carcass
When she sez Santa, we’re getting so fat there’ll be no place to park us

She goes how you gonna squeeze that gut of yours into your Santa Claus suit?
You’ve got one big belly above your belt, and a belly below to boot

I go sweetie you’re getting those yule log legs, so forgive me when I say
With Christmas comin’ it won’t be easy to keep you out of foods way

Well you’ve got guts and may I say they get bigger every day
The elves and the reindeer they been talkin’, and here’s what the Reindeer say

Chorus:
There ain’t no way we can pull that sleigh lessen you go on a diet
Ho ho no, we won’t go, lessen you go on a diet

At first I said this is silly, my belly ain’t no big thing
But then I thought, it takes a lot to make a reindeer sing

Then a light went on and I confessed my weight might be a factor
As I pondered Donder’s acupuncture, and Blitzen’s chiropractor

The sight of the reindeer’s furrowed brows was more than I could take
I drooled as I dreamed of those little green things in Mrs. Claus’ fruitcake

There ain’t no way we can pull that sleigh lessen you go on a diet
Yo Kris Kringle, our bells won’t jingle lessen you go on a diet

While sugarplums danced in my plump little head, Mrs. Claus had other plans
She caucused with the reindeer, and they issued these demands:

You got three weeks to shrink those cheeks, the dilemma made me shivery
With these buns of lard it’s gonna be hard to make that Christmas delivery

In the wink of an eye I knew what to do, and boy it had to be radical
My lust for Mrs. Claus’ crusts was going on sabbatical

There ain’t no way we can pull that sleigh lessen you go on a diet
Hey big dude call us rude, but you gotta go on a diet

I was doin’ more aerobics than all seven Lords a leapin’
And taking medication to reduce me while I’m sleepin’

The pounds peeled off like Christmas wrap until I got quite scanty
The elves they took one look and cried, “What have you done with Santy?”

We knew in a flash it wouldn’t be Christmas without my jelly belly
So Rudolph the red faced reindeer raced down to the North Pole deli

They stuffed me like a Christmas goose as I declared with laughter
Eat, drink and be merry and start the diet after.

We’ll find a way to pull that sleigh, or there’s gonna be a riot
Hey big guy, we’re gonna fly and you don’t have to diet!

Yes, we’ll find a way to pull that sleigh, and we can’t wait to try it
‘Tis the season, there’s no reason you should have to diet