The Gougers used to have a big, fancy bio. It cost $200 and had big words like "analogous" and "suffused" in it. It also had "sidehill." They decided that was lame and so they deleted it.

One day at Zapato's Cantina in College Station, TX, Shane heard Jamie sing and asked her to come play in a band with him. She said "yes" and so they went back to Shane's house and listened to some records. They jammed out to Gram and Emmylou one day. Then Gillian and Dave the next. They tried to pretty much copy what they heard because it made them feel like highlanders feel when they are near other immortals.

One day they hired this kid, Brian, to play fiddle. He played fiddle as good as Jamie sang and as good as Shane quoted dead philosophers. But he turned out to be a lame quitter and went to the Jug Band to make more money and get more women. He was immature.

So then they met Cody. They hired him because his dad played in the NFL and they thought that was cool. Later he taught Shane about Rock n Roll. He said, "The best bands don't ever get signed."

Then Shane's mom co-signed and they bought a van. They met the Dedringers who drew nasty pictures in the dirt on the side of it. But Wrecks liked them so they were allowed to stay. They were good, too, and it was funny to watch Jonny gurm Townes's son. And their girl jeans were hilarious!

One day the invisible gouger said that they needed a drummer. He told them that if they put the feathers of a Mexican fighting rooster in a Crown Royal bag and buried it while saying some shit in Spanish, then a drummer would appear in three business days. And that's how they got Silva. They solidified the closing of the circle with a tattoo ceremony about heartache and the loss of god. That woulda been it. But Lance shows up and says, "You're doing this all wrong." The rest has been a work in progress.

And so, kids, this is the story of the Gougers. We ooze positivity.