I was pullin’ third shift, keepin’ to myself
Puttin’ all the crap they sell at the right spot on the shelf.
Night boss sneaks right up on me and wakes me with a start.
I can’t imagine such a thing could be too good for my heart
So I told him, I got…

No time for assholes
Hey, I’m all booked up today
Maybe I can squeeze you in
A week from Saturday.
If you don’t think you can wait that long I know what might work:
Just give this job to someone else who likes to work for jerks.

Well, my gal likes watchin’ hockey and spittin’ on the floor
If I could move that sack of beans an inch, you know I’d roll her right out the door
Now she’s callin’ out to me, hey, to bring her another beer.
I think I’ll pop a cold one and go out and pour it right in her ear. And I’ll whisper..

I got no time for assholes
Hey, I’m all booked up today
Maybe I can squeeze you in
A month from Saturday.
If you don’t think you can wait that long I know what we might do:
I’ll set you up with a friend of mine who’s an asshole just like you.

When I sing my songs in dumps like this I do the best I can
But if your preference runs to other tunes, well you just jot that down on a ten
Don’t be shy, step right up, and pop it right in that jar
And if I never get to your selection, pal, you can sing it in the car, ‘cause I got…

No time for assholes
Hey, I’m all booked up today
Maybe I can squeeze you in
A year from Saturday.
If you don’t think you can wait that long I know what might work
Just take your thang to the joint next door, I hear they like to play for jerks.

So if the illegitimati start to grind you down
And non-carborundum strategies are nowhere to be found
Try these little words, they work for me though they sometimes start a row
Just say “as much as I would like to, friend, I just can’t help you now.” ‘cause I got…

No time for assholes
Hey, I’m all booked up today
Maybe I can squeeze you in
A week from Saturday.
And if you need to call someone who cares here, I think I got a dime.
But if you’re gonna be an asshole, pal, please come back some other time.