I'm a man of simple means
I belch and fart with the greatest of ease
I even laugh at the stupidest shit
I guess you just can't handle it
I get shit for the way that I dress
My wrinkled clothes, my hair's a mess
If you want me to change my ways
I guess I better go

And if you see me scratch my ass
Look the other way
And if you're wonderin' why I'm alive
Here's what I got to say

Chorus:
I'm an artless nonculture
I'm an unkempt slob
Maybe unsophisticated
You can suck on my knob
I'm an artless nonculture
I'm an s.o.b.
You can stuff your culture
Just let me be

I've been seen at punk rock shows
Rollin' on the floor
Driving from the beer distributor to the liquor store
I don't wax philosophy
Couldn't give a fuck about history
Just take one look at me
It ain't a mystery

And if you see me coming, just cross the street
And if you smell a wet one
You better believe it was me

Chorus

I'm not a fan of culture
It's for the rich
Artsy-fartsy way of life
It makes me sick
Stuck up fuck-ups in Armani suits
Livin' off of Daddy's loot
If they give you dirty looks, just give that dirty cunt the boot

And if you see me comin'
Scratching my ass
Look the other way
here's what I've gotta say

Chorus