REPUBLIC OF LOOSE

www.republicofloose.com

It was the winter of 2000 and the Pyro brothers, Michael and Dave, were up shit creek. In their mid twenties, broke, drunk, no jobs, no band, stinking, shivering spat on by women, all they had was their balls, a couple of bags of sweet stimuli and four tracks worth of delicious, grimy, sub-gospel, rock noise that they had just finished recording. But where were their band, Johnny Pyro and the Rock Coma? Gone. To Texas, Ringsend and hell. Shit had to change. Structures needed to be re-arranged. "This tight assed feudal bullshit is no place for a soul warrior to be fucking around !" Dave Pyro complained. "You're fucking A-right!" agreed Michael Pyro. "We need to start a Republic". "Yes," Dave said. "A Republic of Loose".

Then one day a stern but decent father showed up with a real, small child with a real big geetar. "I want you to listen to my son" the father said. "Sure," said Dave. He always was a gracious motherfucker. I mean the kid was around nine years old! His name was Bres. The kid started to play. Woo-hoo!! Sweeter than Curtis Mayfield!! Sharper than Miles Davis! Meaner than a motherfucker! The father looked at Dave. "Well?". "The kid is down," Dave assured him. "But he's so damn small!!". The kid looked Dave in the eye. It was hard to find fault with the scary little geeetar shredding motherfucker. Truth be told, he was a motherfucker. All Dave could think to say about this situation was: "motherfucker!"."Our paths will cross again" he said. "Sure they will, little fella" Dave replied.. Like I said, gracious. "Be here tommorow" Dave added. They had another geetaaarist. He was a motherfucker.

Next thing they knew, the Pyro brothers had been enslaved by an evil communist called Johnny Pyro. . His whole vibe was like if you wanna be moral all you should do is just smoke crack and listen to Rick James. Who could save them from this evil enslavement? Well there was this real relaxed brother from down the way called Benjamin. He was like "yo, its cool to smoke whatever and listen to my man Rick, but do you have to carry on in this enslaved manner, like a couple of homo's?. By the way, I'm a motherfucker on the bass guitar." That was it. The spell was broken. Johnny and his evil cohorts were gone.

Coz Noleon took a close look at his second victim. "Why am I wasting my time with this poor, limbless motherfucker?," he thought The phone rang. He listened with a certain slow, cool, funky evilness and then spoke low into the phone... "You may count the Noleon in". Bad. The Pyro Brothers had a drummer man.

No-one knew shit to tell the truth, they were an ignorant bunch of motherfuckers. What they did know was, that Sly was sly, but the Beatles was bullshit. One day Benjamin Loose piped up and said: "I like the Rolling Stones, but that's about the size of the motherfucker." "I don't read magazines," Coz Noleon added, sagely. Everyone knew what he meant. He was a sage like motherfucker.

For a year they were like chilling listening to Bobby Brown, Beanie Siegel, Mystikal, Mahalia, Michael Jackson all that action. Then they recorded an album. They were slaving away like a bunch of work thirsty idiots for crazy weeks, producing their own shit. Benjamin Loose, the sex rabbi, was like "Fuck you man! Turn up the bass!" Whooo hoo!!! It was hot. Hotter than a motherfucker. Even Dave Pyro couldn't believe how hot the motherfucker was. "Bres," he said, "this shit is hot". "That's right," the kid said. He was hip. "Hotter than a motherfucker."

How the fuck had a bunch of suburban, Irish white idiots made a soul record of such grandiloquence?! No-one knew. But apart from that what the fuck were they going to do with it? Michael Pyro said "I feel more feline than red wine." As such, they signed with Big Cat records. They did a couple of gigs. Michael Pyro turned into this evil nutbag preacher type of a motherfucker! Screaming and testifying and shit. Rabbi Benjamin Loose exploded all over the stage like some kind of a drug thirsty tornadoe of a motherfucker!. It was wild. The crowds went apeshit. They played some suburban festival -Witness it was called. That was apt as a motherfucker. Bres the evil skinny geetar player bore witness to some females getting insane up in his shit Why was the fact that he existed making them come on all histrionic like that?! No-one knew. Kapow! went Coz Noleons snare drum. He was evil, more of an evil bear than a man. He was causing innocent people ankle and cranial damage with the evil forces of rhythm manipulation. Dave Pyro was arch in his magnificence. How were the horny idiots in the crowd supposed to deal with his evil sex guitar prescience? It was a difficult motherfucker of a problem to contend with certainly. And what the motherfuck would happen next?!

No One Knew .....