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Lola Parks / Blog

stuntedmind - AA

Stunted Mind Vol. 2 Iss. 8 - AA

it used to be back in the day one drank to celebrate one drank at the end of the work day but these days we don’t drink to celebrate we drink to drink or i do a lot of us do there was that lyric.. by ben harper some drink to remember some drink to forget some drink to satisfaction some drink to regret beautiful beautifully said a lot of us drink way too much keeps us out of touch keeps us from progressing keeps us from becoming what we think we want from ourselves of ourselves keeps us from being who we already were who we were at 23 or 18 or whenever you felt your best your most creative most en route to self-actualizing we drink drink drink years go by you don’t black out you don’t do shots now that’s the key don’t do shots you realize it’s the hard booze that you don’t tolerate don’t metabolize don’t DO well you didn’t do shots for several years you learned your lesson you attended new year’s eve sober and liked it you got so much done researched things ran the 10k finished that book did that course played more guitar got groceries honest to god even just got groceries and they didn’t all expire in your fridge all the organic produce that you love cause you’re eating less running more then running less you took some time off from the booze the bottled amigo your body was happier not right away it gets confused can you blame it? after a few days you went a whole week dry i need to go visit the folks and dry out is what you say now again what does it take you ask yourself i don’t know who i think i am sometimes he texted me one night recently drunk and there’s talk of AA AA my god my god my god how scared are you how worried you beat yourself up mentally how often for drinking you can dapple with drugs cigarettes but essentially you know your vice you know booze is what takes you the turning point is the starting point sure the odd time you can have one or two but the odd time is increasingly odd two or three drinks a day becomes eight no shots quickly becomes five because you know people you work in bars you know people in bars your friends are out tonight there’s that thing tomorrow there’re seasonal celebrations but we don’t drink to celebrate i don’t i used to drink to get away from myself off my own back now i drink to be impervious to not be affected by others i drink because i like booze i like the non-sweetness i’m sweet enough i joke joke’s getting old we’re getting older we used to DO stuff go to art galleries attend functions write and play more the first step the lessons learned years ago was to self-love and i did that i think now to accept what is discern the necessary actions change what you need to what you have to discern and gather the wherewithal willpower make the change

Stunted Mind. Vol. 2, Issue 8. December 30, 2007 © Stunted Mind Productions Ltd. Thank you, from your Sidestep Mindwarp Service Provider: senorita_shanty@hotmail.com

stuntedmind - depression

Stunted Mind Vol.5 Iss. 5 - depression

where is the line between unmotivated and lazy between depression and the blues how do you know what to blame yourself for when the instinct is to blame yourself for everything to critique everything you find you are judging others so you must too be judging yourself and as this war goes on inside you don’t defend yourself as you would with an outside attack you are used to this attack you don’t see it as an attack but you do see it as something outside yourself something that falls upon you something like a cloud that at times just lifts and how do you explain it to everyone to anyone that has never experienced what you experience it’s like this thing that overtakes you it’s not a part of you you feel it coming on and you feel it dissipating and you negotiate with this cloud of gloom this heavy load the weight of the world you try to talk to yourself talk it away talk yourself strong but it’s still there until it’s not how do you retain control over yourself respect from others it’s all you your siblings aren’t depressed your folks are awesome it’s how you interpret you over-think no matter how much or little you drink it’s too much it’s the main thing you get mad at yourself for because you know better it can lower your mood it wastes your time you feel guilty you have no willpower you self-recriminate you feel like everyone is progressing more than you faster than you why can’t you decide things why can’t you let things go and as this war goes on inside you feel as though everyone can see it in you some days people seem to be looking at you differently or more what is different about you today or are you always different but today you’re smiling less you don’t feel like smiling but you have a great smile why don’t you feel like smiling is everyone else happier than you does everyone else ‘get it’ is it the rules you trip on or the words your sense you lose trust in yourself when did you lose trust you always felt different nowadays you try to remind yourself that we are all different and no one is watching no one cares but you care you feel like you care less sometimes and you worry then that you don’t care enough it’s never enough you are never enough everyone else seems okay with you at heart you feel you love yourself you think you are interesting you try to be a great person you try not to offend you don’t want to be taken advantage of but you aren’t assertive enough listen to you you’re so self-absorbed but you are aiming for peace at times you feel highly motivated alive you smile a lot though it’s been a long while since the last time your sides hurt from laughing all this talk about your insides hurting accepting the hurt child you know you’re your own worst critic but you’re trying to be your own best friend and you think you’re stopping it but are you you can’t do relationships you try to be yourself stay true to yourself but you feel like a bitch feelings are lost to thoughts never mind this is why you have whatever gifts or skills it’s nature’s compensation for the way you are as if born with some defect some lack, some misfiring always seeking meaning, fun, love always seeking how do you stop wanting to be a different way working so hard on positivity on yourself on enjoying the moment on being enough without drugs without anyone else you can do this

Stunted Mind. Vol. 5, Issue 5. June 6, 2011 © Stunted Mind Productions Ltd. Thank you, from your Sidestep Mindwarp Service Provider: senorita_shanty@hotmail.com

stuntedmind - change (as you like it)

Stunted Mind Vol.5 Iss. 9 change (as you like it)

there are things you ought not change like peeling a banana the way your grandmother peeled a banana which is the opposite way to how most peel a banana but her way makes sense you hold onto what most believe is the top “it’s the handle” my grandmother used to say it makes sense and no one gets hurt either way it’s a win win so why change it i would say don’t change it if it’s working for you and no one is worse for it underdoing or overdoing these you could change excessive this and a lack of that perhaps you could consider modifying if your wife’s left you your kids won’t talk to you your heart races at various times a day then you might want to look at changing something i would also say if you want more of something more love, fun, success then this may call for change at least focused or increased effort to get more you need to give more now this doesn’t apply to the banana example but it applies to change habits though sometimes painstakingly hard and seemingly insurmountable to change it is with habits that change is key change is life-altering and aren’t you seeking to alter your life i mean if you are content in yourself and your lifestyle you don’t think about change as much if it ain’t broke don’t fix it it usually goes if we were more satisfied with ourselves and life we would not seek change so much as maintenance of the good life balance, perpetuity would we already be the change we seek in the world in others would we have already changed grown learned some things before others just as others have changed grown learned some things before us herein lies one of the beauties of life our inextricability from one another of our life from another’s and so then my change affects you your change affects me and we all affect others and my lack of growth pours onto you as yours does onto me and so on and so forth and so then we are all in this together change or not better or worse one person can be an example and this example will go a long way take using reusable bags at the grocery store who would have thought not long ago not even a thought we are changing as a society several ways at a time it is in my interest to have concern for you not rule or control you but care for you however hard at times it is hard to care at others it is hard to not care i am not sure we choose which it will be it is my sense we do not choose but we are dealt and we also deal the game is going and doesn’t ever stop all the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players same game though same stage i am here by your side when you want a hand an ear a heart and i will stand aside when you want no hand, ear or heart to see, hear or know it will be as you like it but when there is change we change together

Stunted Mind. Vol. 5, Issue 9. Dec 10, 2011 © Stunted Mind Productions Ltd. Thank you, from your Sidestep Mindwarp Service Provider: senorita_shanty@hotmail.com

getting started

Hello!

just getting started with ReverbNation - seems pretty impressive so far. check out www.lolaparks.com and www.myspace.com/sandypowlik if interested or inclined. and say hello anytime! i'm excited and hope you are too for the new EP out soon!!!

very best, lola

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