Directly in the eye of the storm of the flummox/bogglehung ox, torture me, brain with some more disgusting and very realistic mental images of me murdered in 100 different ways a day...probably exponent of that while asleep: I am never rested because it never stops churning out images, wordplay.. I missed something that everyone else seemed to get without effort..many things truthfully. I simply don't know what it is...thus my continued search through the detritus of my past. I feel that "it" is what I will recognize it upon finding "it". I have been burned up inside by ABANDONMENT over and over and over in my life..so, PAL, Home-fries. People make absurd assumptions about the person I am, was....and it just makes me want to change my damned identity at times..but then the anger kicks in..the vitriolic fire gets lit, and I have only one objective: destroy. (either intellectually or in whatever fashion is required)..Luckily, they are usually theological discussion, which I have been trumping people, as I bothered to read their books a few times over, due my lack of things to occupy me. I read the Book of Mormon, and had the kids that came back the next week ask me if they could leave (I think I made one cry..not intentionally [his buddy was patting him on the shoulder as they walked away....these guys had obviously never questioned a word of what they'd been taught/told/brainwashed into... I am missing things that I feel the need of....essentially, someone to share my existence with. I am not in any mental or emotional shape yet (after the drama of x-mas..to which Masanori was witness to..to me embarrassment, as close as we are....it was really bad and the result primarily of Senility, misunderstanding, and according to what most would think, alcohol....sorry folks. I do not presently drink to get drunk..particularly around a room-full of my cousins, their husbands, kids, etc...I have more self-control than that). I wish I had the capacity; but I don't carry that capacity to forgive that piece of backwoods garbage who I'd let hit me, and then file suit...just as she'd do. Hindsight is always 20/20. I have no intention of knowing her at all...that was a line I aghast at the crossing of...therefore, I am simply not capable of even laying eyes or hearing the voice of this reprehensibility as of Christmas night. I am NOT capable..as in literally, I will simply start puking if around her...I have been damned by her genes and now by her actions with situational depression shit that is solely a result of her absurdity that has had me so close to choosing death because of the great Christmas gift: Suicidal Depression. Thanks. I am done for now...I could not hold that any longer..and it is liberating to spit it out at the world. Were I the kind of person who would play their family(or anyone) for personal gain..would I post this? I wanted to send a letter demanding to be written out of any will....I doubt there is any money left now, after getting ordered around by her, as family..I can ONLY imagine the hell that everyone working for her as in-home care has to deal with. It must be assumed senility, even though she has been out of her mind my entire life..but not necessarily in a bad way..if that computes...I don't really even know what most of what I say really means/does/purpose served...I just know what I feel that I must do, just like having to use the toilet, only way more complicated. --Nigh-Gerald Peterson
When the lights go out, we will all, ALL gather and tear you apart with the masses bare hands, you bastard SPAMMERS. You'll get yours one oir another way....that is why it is all OK. I am amazed at the stupidity of the average SPAM-"artist". If you are not a prat who has to steal code, and own half a brain..some protection from detection they could offer themselves..but NONE of them get it...they'll use corporate security, which is USELESS, since unsolicited shit will get your acct. cancelled instantly in most places..not to mention..ALL of the information ANYBODY needs is public record in print (What a concept, books, paper, print...WOW)!. I despise and would love to be a licensee of the KILL SPAMMERS BY BEHEADING squad. If you decide to do no-no kinda shit online, don't be a retard..or else your card will be pulled by the law so damn quick your ancestor and descendants will get broken necks (as if I'd let you keep you balls or cock, let alone your life, if I had you and my lovely imaginary license)
if I ever have nothing to lose (which might be RIGHT NOW), I promise, prior to my auto-death, I'll make as many a SPAMMER corpse famous as I can do before I force the pigs, sorry Cops, to shoot me down and to death. If not, I'll duct-tape a grenade to my head....I do not anticipte NOT controlling my reality enough to ever lose enough to do such a thing.,..but if I am rich....
Magnetic poles...magnetic poles.. Ok,,,we know ion-substances have a charge.....but...nevermore that severed line to my concubines air-chamber... will grow another lot, as long in the tooth, ready for under-earth booths to take them away from my unending fallacy. Death claps like thunder, sunlight through the pall of dust of human ash creates a rainbow as the last luminescence of these poor souls. Control tours of manacle-manufacturers who make you safe while you sleep in dive-deep pharmaceutical slumber. I have your number, you artificial fool, manufactured tools, my left kidney may drool, a bloody ooze of intoxicant to any normal ruled man, any man non balls enough to make any stand confounded land; thus is the trick I wish I could, in this particular instance of being a victim of gravity, just call myself a dick who recklessly asked for an an injury with some pain pretty thick; alas, I fell \victim to my simple stupidity and that of others..I should know by now that people in house do not move things out of walkways before turning off all the light so down I go, not expecting it to be bad, but felt like I'd start pissing blood pretty quick..but not yet...broke my god-damned fall with my left palm and ulnar bone which also hurts like a bitch..I am pissed off, since I really wanted out of this shittown this wkend, but might now be locked here, maybe having a fucking kidney operated on...think it is just soft tissue, but it HURTS!! I feel, once again, fucking cursed. --Nigh G Pet o the gods to play with and hurt for fun.
As my DEARLY departed Grandfather (a master of the joke; specifically filthy ones) said "It is better to have pneumonia than the (CLAP, CLAP, CLAP) It was very telling early that I preferred one set on grandparents to the other...didn't know why until much later...but, as a very young child, I recall laying in bed looking at the shelf above where my clothes were hung, seeing 2 quilts from each grandmother. One hired someone to make me a quilt....the other, preferred set of grandparents..my very arthritic grandmother had crocheted it herself. I do not even know where the "commissioned " quilt" is..nor could i care....I plan to cut it apart to clean my cannabis smoking devices. I have always disliked my fathers mother and everything that she makes go along with her even having had influence on people I may again say (again do not feel a single one would miss me, save for a cousin or two) The fact that I have NEVER not seen someone more or less toss salad on their groveling and bullshit ("Make sure you listen to the extemporaneous piece.." over and over...did you just learn that word, stranger than leaves that bitches' house with cash or a check...every time..a stranger comes and blah blah blahs in a way that makes me want to pick up the nearest and heaviest thing and end their self-satisfied (via money that should well more be coming to me so I do not have to do thinks I'd rather not to even afford my god damned medicine. Depression era people need to HURRY UP AND DIE. My grandparents had millions of dollars (in the few tens of) and now there are only 3 houses. I hate you ex-grandma..thanks for making my dad into an addict to drown the shame of being a BASTARD...my uncle Bill is the only bastard can think of in my family. His fiance is a monumental whore to..shes about 50 and wears 12-year0-old-sized shirts to accentuate the fake (disgusting) tits my uncle bought her (women like her do not pay for their own things...got real obvious real quick...especially since her damned daughter has picked it up without flaw..probably selling her ass every time they are asleep in the "motorcoach" that they "live" in. I'd like to hit my uncle Bil in his faggot face. He didn't see shits worth of action during 'Nam, and my former grandmother will go on and on about the war and Bill;......newsflash moron whore: he spent the war behind a fucking desk. The REASON HE HAS REPLACED HIPS IS BECAUSE OF A VASCULAR NECROSIS FROM DRINKING!!!!!!! My grandparents that are not shit got their son killed in that war; and the incredibly insensitive cunt- is too senile or stupid to get the difference. I wish she would have hit me, since I could have blocked her and hit her in self defense, and it would have likely killed her. Too bad. I do not care if any of my family sees this..I am not capable of caring, and if you, meine "family"..if you have a problem with what I say,..unless you want me to destroy you intellectually and prove you are stupid; DO NOT RESPOND. I could NOT give a fuck what you think..,..if you are someone who I DO care to hear from...they'll be contacted...respond if you wish...if not, as I said..I see you people a few times a year, and every effort spoken of to get together has never happened so lets be honest..none of you are ever going to bother to get together with me...you wont BOTHER...since it is obviously a chore..and as such, I want to be there 10 times less than you. Actually that goes for EVERYONE family/non-family alike....I really do not like being patronized (especially for OLD TIMES SAKE...Matt)
--Nick-Gerald Hyland "Peterson"