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Trichotillomania / Blog

Me hopefully being clever and smart...entertaining at least

Considering (not heavily...I am not knowledgeable enough regarding the vascularity of the face/nervous tissue/nerve paths of the facial muscles.. Obliterating the heavily shot,, and departing; am I not enough? muscularity loves the treacherous censure/serve..is it Parliamentary Procedure or is it God? Am I the guy who drives by waving and nodding, smiling and shedding evidence of bedding of the night before. Jack, Old Blackie O'Kennedy...what has the concept of Royalty meant to me? Its' bent, as I see. The smell does agree, displeases..that Thee Royal Tea is more of a Jelly...a sticky conundrum; blast 'em, but have fun wit' them. Take a Seat, Men.. I've got another announcement to rape, the words of the text on the card I grip so it won't run away, and will not escape. I grip it so tight, it cries a few tears. You'll bear an endwise tear after the completion of the obligated affair (I'm scared). The further affair. "Not in my Wallet, NOT IN MY BACK-POCKET!!. Rifled socket. Pie, nut tap and Bitch Slap. Scary-mean knifed cocks' ped, I mean feet, who knew Kung Fu, and didn't "dig on" the President. He'd be all ninja about it, and masquerade as the pardoned Turkey one year...just to get near. He'd bury his gear and wait to scout all surveillance routines, their ability, and their gear...their blind spots and their own, personal tears (our Secret Service has likely a WHOLE lot os Queers...not at all a Criticism to the Secret Service...comparison, though...if you are gay; Do you deserve this? I don't presume to think so, or conversely. I unnerve myself to protect the idea well...I've got enough for an extra 5 lifetimes (all offensive)....I hope to live long (though observations like that seem, at times, to doom one)..I just hope my realization of that fact makes become null and void...only the assholes join MENSA.. Rx q.i.D. with 10,000 grains of salt --NGP

Hopefully me not repeating myself.

Were I an American by birth AND had grown up in a parallel place: somewhere where that which OUR founding fathers intended existed; if I grew up without the very obvious stupidity of my "peers"; the relative ignorance of "My Fellow American"...: I have no peers(in the traditional sense..as ion one usually has a large group/generation/degeneration with which to associate themselves.) , really. I am disgusted to an indescribable degree by morons who blindly have faith in ANYTHING, whether it be nation, religion..fill in the damned blank. Now, this being said, make absolutely no mistake regarding my feelings regarding those who are willing to die for an ideal. My family has more than its' share of blood comprising the red on this American Flag. I have NOTHING but respect for those who are able and willing to perform military service: Were I to have the choice, I'd make it compulsory as it is in many nations....but that is another argument. The point at which I 'crystallized' I was.., well, I was born at a point in time and with tastes that left me in a "no-mans-land" (meaning I was the only one I could see there for many a moon)...I grew up with tastes in music, art and "what have you", led me to a place that I couldn't relate well,;culturally.., to my "peers". I think that is why I make music..and seek specifically to make music that is unprecedented in its' composition and reception. I' am ABSOLUTELY one who wants to change the world, but I would be very happy to know that I made some music that was what I NEEDED to hear and some other folks 'got it' and dug it and....I am content. The simple possibility of "The American Dream" is coming to an end slow but surely. We are sinking as a ship of large size slowly reaches complete catastrophe. We are a goliath of a nation with interests and money spread around the planet like an multi-tendriled beast whose extension must be fully withdrawn before all remnants of the monster are truly gone in their effect.... Gone? gone...it'll take a millennia (I laugh aloud in thinking that long exists for humanity (at least those who don't escape Earth in time) to make sure every memory and remnant of what will be called Old Earth some day...if there is anyone to say the words.

I'll change my name to Anonymous to take credit for a lot of things I didn't do.

I need to talk to a priest...I just HAVE to know how they don't /can get away with NOT masturbating.The body has a built-in system to release semen (i.e. the wet-dream, or 'nocturnal emissions' [damn...that'd be a good band name...I've got dibs on producing your first record, , The Nocturnal Emissions..if you already exist...I'll find you: please don't suck. Catholic Priests get Prostate cancer far more often than is average; presumably because of this fact. I can certainly see that it could be bad for the body/reproductive system. I never knew how many insane ideas/periferal beliefs amongst some (likely hardcore Evangelicals to a large degree) Christians. My Fiancee (no idea how to get the right character for the end of that word) , being a Christian (a ration one; I couldn't be with her otherwise..and certainly not plan to marry..however, having not EVER gone to any church regularly/ associate with those who hold such beliefs.... Now, this being said, My High School girlfriends' mother was certifiably insane without a doubt. This being said; she forbade I bring her daughter home at 12:00 midnight..before or after was FINE...but NEVER be outside at midnight...or the Devil can take your soul! Tremble!! I literally laughed aloud when she told me this eat-wher-you-shit simply retarded; which I got a tirade which was replete with a bunch of other old, weird, arcane bat-shit crazy Catholic superstition. There were scads of them...things I'd NEVER head of. A new one to me was the origin of the word "Luck"..I still have yet to check the etymology, but for it to be a "no no" to say "Good Luck", which..apparently "Luck" is a bastardization of 'Lucifer' (which is just Light-bearer, as most should know...Venetian lamp-lighters are still called Luciferos (sic)...as they bring the light. I have no problem with people believing what they want about ANYTHING...it is simply a beginning requirement that the "factual" evidence on which they base what they believe MUST be logically sound.; or my proverbial 'they' are following a fairy tales' vague shadow.. This is what fails the" intelligence of the masses", at times, minimally. My "Delusional Self" has been turned off lately: it feels strange. It occurs occasionally...but it has occurred about a dozen times just this morning.. Perhaps I can finally finish composing my contributions to our upcoming record. I hope so...know so, since I have to finish them; that I am even capable of writing something like this, which is surprisingly difficult for one such as me (it is not my natural 'way' to talk to people en masse . I guess my way is to scream non-sequiturs with my feces in my hair, publicly urinating at will and wearing a hat made of aluminum foil. It at least would/could be in an alternate "place". I am irritated by end of days prophecy crap for one reason. EVERY last thing mentioned (aside from an Asteroid strike) are caused by OVERPOPULATION....Planet Earth is simply, at this point (1998 I think was the year we reached "capacity" as it was computed.) We have too many humans to sustain life for all. THAT causes famine, war, death in the same ways end of days prophecies. I am not going to bother to say yea or nay as per my belief in these prophecies (i.e. 2012) as my thoughts are somewhere in-between....I'll write about it someday. I am simply exhausted by idiots beating an ancient prophecy to death. We have plenty of insane thing happening, supposedly, all at once in 2012..but, if you look for specific things that you expect to find: YOU WILL FIND THEM: Guaranteed. If fixated on a result: You'll find the result upon which you fixated.....everytime.

Voir Dire

I realize I have been absorbing information at an absurd rate. I retook IQ tests and scored 20 points, roughly, higher, in general than what I was getting from these shit sites fpr free (precisely what led me there) I don't place any stock in IQ tests (they've been proven to be very inaccurate)....but it is obvious that,. at times..when you think NOTHING is happening; when your mind feels dead...you may just be too involved with INPUT and when the time is right.....it all just happens. OIt is like liquid fire inside of my mind when it all coalesces . Back to the horses...I mean; huh? Nevermind. When you are done writing lyrics...your verbal/linguistic centers suffer a bit....due to overuse and writing/communicating in tones. It becomes difficult at times to properly communicate with non-musicians (I think that is why many "sequester" themselves to make records) I want a rail-gun, I love electricity. And then it all dies. Why: I said it: observed....wrong one at the wrong time,.. My Furby still kinda scares me...but nowhere near as much as Raggedy Anne And Andy. Ugh Childhood terror. It really irritates me that someone who grew up poor is NOTY happy when they finally GET RIUCH...BULLSHIT..I KNOW there is very little chance that simply not having the worry of money via smart and diverse investment...blah, blah..blah.....that will be a beautiful day. To me monetarily independent. Has anyone ever made an anonymous album?

I will wear nothing but Cliff Huxtable sweaters from this day forth!

Integrity: who has it and where did it go in the general populous? Hiding in modern society . We deserve to be wiped, cleansed from this planets surface....there is no doubt....as of this moment this is a truth.; but it is changing very, very quickly. I actually think there is a good chance we deserve our place on this planet, as a race. A particle. Differences in grades during High Schol. A mugger behind in the back-alley. I've no idea if I am insane or retarded or both or neither. I want a cello., a bottle of Danny DeVitos' Limonocello, an umbrella, a timebelt (TM) (See David Gerrold, The Man Who Folded Himself, ) I feel anemic, green and narrow, Yarrow To Finch A certain Sparrow with a specific itch; a golden twitch, decoding fates' switch...I digress to far away for the everyday folks..why I guess sometimes folks like us remain alone save for other folks us. I'd be cut off were it not for My Ambrosia, My One...to have one foot in and one foor out is a very good thing if you can figure all of the ins and out, thin, little doubts, whether or not Jason Alexander has Gout: Alexander The Great..; and then I want to die because my family does EVERYTHING half-asses; fucks up everything for me (like they are doing me a fucking favor)...it feels as if I am rotting from the inside and being torn apart my imaginary horses outside. I have a roman Ballista bolt through my body...ribs...it goes all the way through. I know that if one is sure they will die: they will die. The Masai Warriors will drop dead after being cursed simply due to their BELIEF I wish it worked inversely...as ion if I BELIEVED you'd die/get Herpes/check your mail, scratch your nose. It feels like I was born at a drastically wrong time in history; no matter what I do: I end up in my own personal hell.....I've every reason to feel great; things are starting to go right for me; I somehow could not be more unhappy. I am simply under too much simple self-induced stress..but I have idea how to "relax". You are helping make my dreams begin to come true with regard to my musical aspirations...and it definitely makes a difference; but why do I feel like I am dying? I have no choice but to make music, art, etc..., and I thank you..and/all of you that see this for enjoying that which I must do (I refer in the singular, as I'd be presuming anothers' thoughts..etc, blah, blah, Fuggit..if you get me, you get me...if not.? Join the club... I spend FAR too much time explaining things to people. I am a miserable fuck who is locked into a time that is incomprehensible to me. That which I see..the way people are..what they do. I am at a loss. I understand on a simple, base level, why people do what they do...There is a fine-line between attempting to intellectualize and simple belly-aching.

;I do not abide CHILDREN hooting at my BETROTHED and I whilst saying goodbye.

NEXT TIME THIS OCCURS, I will force the little fat-cheecked baby...[ as his mother is who deserves the intervention] who when I was his age: I Got the Hell scared out of me being caught shoplifting by my own mother. Ww (the other party has no reason to be mentioned)...but a combo of being curious about sexuality and the simple challenge of getting the item that was the ABSOLUTE CLOSET to where the Pharmacists' station/Cash Register was. We were impressively smart for our age...BUT...subsequent events imply scared me beyond N OT knowing the law. I almost would dare cops to arrest me now, as per what I kn ow. I have quicker recall,.. (by how much matters not..I don't even a god goddamned AA. So, quite, Honestly, Paper-Holders: Taste MY PAIN!!! according to tests given to 4th-year law-douches stolen by me and then destroyed"; they know that what I say is either (A) the truth or (B) true enough to get a big, dumb reaction. My desire is not to cut ANYONE down (unless they well deserve to have their egos' bruised heavily). (conti'd on next post)

Good gravy..join the Nazy of ALL landlocked Nations; subject angel-hair pasta:

If, by magic circumstance, you actually are a member of our mailing list. It is literally impossible to convey our general gratitude. Now...all being said..if you bothered to pay for and download our debut EP, you'd likely know (if you were amongst the relatively few to give us your address [free things to send you!] and a very simply proof of your purchase of the EP) (look at the size of our fan-base and you'll see the necessity of the MENTION) I thought for a time that Jeffree Star was the logical "shock-progression" of someone like Marilyn Manson, who has grown beyond "shock" into a seasoned performer, writer and producer. Along with being , likely, the best conversationalist/seasoned Absintheur on the West Coast....he is obviously not a "dick". I sincerely hope I have the chance to spend some time talking with Manson. I hope, vainly, that it is about the music, but hope to get invited, via advertisement, etc..an invitation sent to him for him to try my non-traditional absinthe. I am tired of writing. I wake every morning with a slight expectation that another 9/11 has occurred...every single morning. I used to wake in panic (that I hid out of embarrassment ) from vivid nightmare that the Russians had nuked us and I was, literally,the only one left alive..at which point I'd wake gasping. Being of a family that was very "academic", I constantly heard talk of "The Communists"...TV invariably tuned to CNN. I recall my brothers war-monger on-1990 into 1991 Winter -break from Berkeley cheering when they announced "Carpet Bombing" of Iraqi strongholds during the first Gulf War on the news.....I asked them why tactical nukes couldn't be used (less civilian casualties (which were over 1 MILLION for the first damned engagement through the cruise missile Clinton sent over to force Hussein's compliance with specific UN demands... :http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bombing_of_Iraq_%28December_1998%29 I woke this morning at 4 am...I am plagued by that which I knew...have been plagued for far too long....I've no "marketable" (meaning I have a piece of paper with my name on it saying I went through 4 years of sitting through "EVERYTHING YOU ALREADY KNOW HOOP TO JUMP THROUGH #1..I WALK OVER IT, AS IT IS, to me, two inches deep in the people-filth; like black tallow, fills the older cracks...the one I focus on is new..seismic by my action. The next hoop is on fire..I fold and prepare to throw a paper-match up the hill toward the thing now a snake infinitely devouring, in grotesque 3-dimensional representation... I think about electricity and plasmas...what I KNOW. I take my 2 blades off of my person (2 always as knife-fights are things you either start or finish...I am not one who is stupid enough to get into a knife-fight....but I can promise that if one were to bring such an attack, they'd die if I didn't happen to be carrying my aerosol kick in the balls...then they'd just spend a LOT of time in the hospital and then go to jail. Golf Clap.. (Oh, BTW, I'll take your knife if its' any good to add to my collection. If you attack with a knife for anything but espionage, you ARE a simple piece of weak garbage. To actually BE a badass and play at being one far different. For example: If I hit you in the face as hard as I CAN....I;ll make you die as my knuckles will be close to your brain...if I hit you as hard as I can in the right spot, you are dead in an instant. I say this as part: do NOT sneak up on me with IDing yourself...but, more appropriately: I mean to say that even a person of my rather slight bone-structure and..I am a little taller than average: 6 feet if I stand up properly.. ..--NIck-Gerald P.S. go on...give us a snare rush....!

REAL, current celebrfity fights on TV...PPV, Billions at stake.

am contributing now to my stimulus package...in hopes there will be something I say; something influencing and brilliant and that which every creative mind would damn-near die for: often end up dying for. I know there is "self-correction"..the statistical leveling in that which raises over an extremely short period of time. I feel like an asshole: I just find myself nearly 30 and with not a marketable skill that I can think of.; frankly,...I am terrified. Some people haven't the thought, ever, in their entire lives, that money is a limited commodity...because it isn't limited for them. Daddy will pay for it.. I loathe those who do not acknowledge how damned lucky they are if in such a position. I realize, now; I have to work for evert cent I will ever have,..: I likely could have become a marine scout-sniper and made sure I had an account sitting, untouched with interest for the entire time I was murdering from a vast distance for the government...I should have given up on my ideal and blown some fools away for my own future....as of now, what I have is accounted for...I feel sure that I will look down see blood making its' way through the cotton capillaries or my shirt. I undergo arduous processes for the simple hope that someone of you, a new person who has just heard us...I am apologetic for the time it is taking to finish creating the new record of ours. I know the style of writing of which i am: within myself deciding on fighting...OR RATHER not fighting...just become a gigantic junky and let myself be pommeled every night as I put of no fight...save for 1 touch, after my smiling bloodied and bruised face states a hole though them.....I move too quickly for your normal camera...luckily you morons have a high-speed camera (which I'll steal later tonight) to capture what I did...; lummox buts shock-waves through the synthetic fiber-material...I purposely take only easy and weak punch, s and even squeeze the top in JUST the right way so 1 light bop from this 8 X mixed, multi-racial, steal your girlfriend in High School because you just didn't know better. There are 2 choices.Let your self be hit and let it hurt and bleed...then come back and destroy him in a flurry of destruction. 2..Let him hit me, let 1 o2 clicks pop by and I unleash a salvo so his and my blood are still flying simultaneously..and I beat and and beat him and beat him; finishing with a 6-months jaw wired shut uppercut which bloodies the "upper-crust"...as much as if I'd shot the man from the same distance. I'd rather these pieces of "never have to work" assholes duke it out with the necessity of going through a training camp to make sure they can truly fuck each other up. They should (none of us have gargantuan inheritances to expect....I have, likely, at some bloody point, likely some money.,...nut nowhere near what I refer to. The moguls and entourages and rock and movie-stars...and want them to have to get their $5,000(which they have to both supply and wear while fighting) a suit, clothes/dresses; I you came in High Heels...ditch 'em, as weapons are not allowed. Exception for "emotional weaponry...if a fight ends in a crying Hug-match...the entirety of the money on "the pot", so to speak, is divided equally amongst the people attending the event: because you can use it! Tell me this wouldn't be so damn cool... --Nick-Gerald Peterson (I disclaim everything at the moment, as I am in pain...mentally disfiguring pain.. Hope you are not/never feel this kind of thing.

Subjects jumps in technicolor vomit-form.Part..2

Though the man was an addict (I assume)...the drugs were an element; by far from the whole experience this man desired. Where he sat was absolutely deliberate. Every action was as smooth as a robot in an automobile factory...as smoothly and with the precision of the machines that soon will be performing major surgery on our Grandparents and parents and ultimately, each and every one of us: by the time those of us under 50, I'd guess, die from simply being old...a machine will be conducting your autopsy/postmortem examination. Also, FUCK that Humane Society Commercial that is basically a snuff-film to guilt you into donating money (which you should..however, I do my part for them, as I feel they are worth it. I love animals...would rather shoot you than most animals...I promise.; but..having adopted as many dogs from them as we/ I have: they can shove that guilt-inducing snuff-film directly up their own asses where its' simple disgust will cause infection. They have diseased themselves via this "shock" ad campaign. It does NOTHING but make me dislike them as humans. I will adopt my dogs there for as long as I live (it is a simple crime, as I see it, to buy a puppy from ANYONE..unless ACTUALLY a known and trusted relative or a friend you'd let watch your less-than 1-year-old child with over a weekend; satisfy those criteria, or you are contributing to the ultimate cruelty that IS a puppy-mill....which you are likely standing inside of. NO animal I have in my home will ever be anything but adopted; no matter what breed: the is a dog that was abandoned that is in the custody of The Humane Society....Go adopt him or her. NOW! We have had dogs as our companions for longer than history can even determine. We have been symbiotic for so long we share many "lines of code" in our DNA (not the simply coincidental stuff that we have in common with nearly everything alive; but things determined to exist because of how we welcomed them, sharing our scraps of food, because we are hard-wired to look at the modern dogs' face and see "cute"..therefore we want to nurture. The original symbiosis was for mutual benefit: you give us a sure food source, we'll be sure you know WAY ahead of time when people/animals/spaceship is close (a few miles...giving ample time to prepare for a fight..and giving praise to the dog for doing good by warning them..and they get extra scraps for "doing a good job" . Our brains are wired to exist with dogs. We spend less time with them, consider them more independent (fashion accessory dogs) even though the absolute opposite is true. I find is deplorable to create breeds that can't breathe properly, have bodily proportions that simply cause their skeletal systems to fail prior to the rest of them... When I get back to The Bay Area; I have to make friends with some comedians....I think it may the only way I'm not going to spin myself into a depressive spiral...I can almost accomplish it in 1 attempt at a blog post (you should/SHOULDN'T see the stuff IO don't post. I'd be burned at the stake...especially in this damned horrific, intolerant, those Who REALLY expected a McCain/Palin presidency/vice-pres. to EVER happen. I don't bother EVER to give any clear answer regarding politics, save for what THINGS I think should/must be dealt with and I'll express likelihood. I have absolutely no problem admitting that I will avoid PEOPLE in general life based simply on how they look (not talking clothes, how much is in your wallet, blah blah blah..)..If a person looks at me and my face evokes a look that tells me "RUN"!!! or, "Kill this poison before it can corrode anyone else"....I will ALWAYS trust my instinct...I have no actual party affiliation, as I am certain that NOTHING can be accomplisjhed properly in the current, "You are wrong"!, "No You ARE WRONG"!! moderator: WHy? (the sound of crickets for 1000 years as they try to think of what to say.. --Nick-Gerald Peterson

Subjects jumps in technicolor vomit-form.Part..1

I sit watching a show about cops (regular ones, nobody special....minimum education req'd: a High School education.. They are trying to ambush a group of Mexican cartel link-ups trying to grow their shit weed that NOBODY, save for the lay public who have only intetrest in getting "High" (usually 8th-graders and simpple idiots who don't know what good Cannabis is at all. I truly feel sorry for those who buy this substandard garbage. I use, as a patient, only that which is verified by the State Department of Health. These idiot cartel jerks are doing NOTHING but helping to destroy Cannabis as a medication available to those who follow the rules: and largely...the assholes growing this shit are NOT U.S. citizens. They are shipping money back to their 3rd-world shithole and making meth and financing the production of Cocaine....and to a far lesser degree (in some cases, low-quality [generally] Heroin) I'll say only this: The "Mexican Mafia" is in U.S. government....literally. I mean to say it doesn't just have influence; it has its' own representatives. You'll who was beyond the gun the blew me away, now, if it were to happen..well maybe. I kinda care about people who see MONEY, not WHAT they are peddling (I long for the days of old where one would go visit, as the Tom Lehrer song, and so many beautiful paintings of words by the likes of Burroughs, etc about the Old man in the Park (park capitalized as there is only one Park w/ regard to Heroin: Central).. I miss those old, known days to me on through others' fading memories from age pr from simply shooting too much dope. I actually saw a man using old-fashioned works one day, in The TL..just as "Junkie" speaks of, the prepped hypo with a piece of card-stock connecting the needle to a glass bit with a rubber bit where my generation is used to seeing a plunger on a syringe. He promptly put it all away, stood and walked away. He was old, well-dressed, spoke spanish to those that passed..and looked like any other old man of about 70. Why the man came to the park to do his drugs is something I have to wonder about..and WILL forever wonder. I was there long enough to see him arrive and produce his things from his coat-pockets. Was it a matter of simple Nostalgia? Could the man re-capture SOMETHING from his time passed away except through his memory. (cont'd in next post)

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