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Trichotillomania / Blog

Not ,much content, as I am absorbant material by default

I recall being 7 years old and wanting to be a rock star. I was, at the time, listening to VERY classic rock...as in 50's stuff...Elvis, Fats Domino. Ray Charles thru the soft, somewhat fecal rock of R.E.O. Speedwagon. I started with metal, then..realized the superiority of certain things: I adored Judas Priest and Iron Maiden (and still do) along with innumerable other early 19080s' metal bands. I knew I would make music from 7 years onward...I knew I couldn't do anything else and REALLY have passion for what I did for a living. If allowed to, it would be one of the greatest gifts I could receive. I own a publishing company:.ADFABRE Publishing. I would ask for any submissions for publishing of any work (written, music, etc) to be sent to my personal email address (one of them):nickgeraldp@gmail.com (I will cut this account off and then, using the skills I acquired in High School, find the miscreants in the crowd and make them incapable of at least one vital function (your choice) The average human is stupid as fuck...I don't like those of whom I speak, nor can they understand my grammar, Be stupid alone if you are. We want your money: just don't talk...as you may not be of low intelligence. Surround yourself with the intelligent with the intent of improving yourself. I wish I could share my "heart" with each and all.....It isn't possible yet, unfortunately. GROW YOUR INTELLIGENCE ...it is the only true protection from ANYTHING you have. Our new campaign launches today,,,help us get some new fans... --NGP

Something heartfelkt and then Bathroom Humor

〶ʁ❙∁ℍ⚆✙❘լլՕmaℵ𝄃Å Above, you see the product of what seems to be a diseased brain/body complex. I mean it, almost, more in an abstract...if you dissect the word..dis-ease; a state of discomfort..of extreme lack of calm. I hope that is the extent of my 'disease'...., I can only do my best to get healthier, not be a douchebag and squander my ability to get in extremely good shape and health and "wellness" in general while I am still young enough for it to be relatively easy. I am achey (muscularly) from packing boxes to move from where I presently am..., will get married, have a honeymoon, find somewhere to live....get ECT, make some more records, go on some tours, paint...live, have kids a bit down the line, live a normal fucking life. I don't think I ever wanted what I consider to be a normal life prior to a few years ago...maybe. I think it is, if I paint it as a selfishness: a way to save myself from dying young (not saying I still couldn't; most idiots who end up getting read//published who write about this get most of their stuff appreciated after they die..usually young and it is automatically poignant, etc. Being scared about SOMETHING ...something....you have no clue what it is....you just get that extraneous fear. Your heart hops faster and at a wrong percussive....a bodily synaptic circulatory syncopation...Max Roach all up in your chest. and half of your nervous system activates...you have to shit...now, your nose might run, eyes burn and or tear

I've always loved the following phrases related to organic waste -Crazy as a shit-house rat -Don't shit where you eat. -"Blah blah blah...", "and was so scared/mad, etc. that he shit a brick. -It is raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.(I've heard other versions, my dad said it this way) -in reference to a forceful, very loud urination: "Wow, he's going to chip the porcelain"! -as a threat:, "I'll cut off your head and shit down your neck" -the beautiful, classic: "Holy Shit" --THAT IS ALL

Know your enemy...(Part 2)

IT is far smarter than I ever expected; it is also far weaker and unwilling to act than I ever could imagine. It shows a million good ideas: it also shows a bunch of people relishing that they can delude themselves into thinking they are DOING SOMETHING by sitting around doing NOTHING. I shame you ALL for that; It (i.e. YOU, shame yourselves for the same...you just don't seem to care enough about anything to STAND UP! By the time (which will not come) anyone actually recognizes any "difference" you have made....they will only recognize the mess you left behind....that WILL be YOUR legacy: Rendering formerly clean, pleasant places into places that, hopefully...YOU will forced at gunpoint to make pristine....blow the Patchouli smoke and mountain of roaches into a composting device...renew that which you sitting on is NOW killing it. You sit on grass: guess what, morons, it doesn't get light:: IT DIES!!! You should all be taxed for taking up space and depriving Public lands' lawns of sunlight. This is, by a GIGANTIC degree, the most misdirected, most asinine way to accomplish anything I think I have ever witnessed. Unfortunately: the thought does NOT count when the stakes are THIS high.. I will say it again: To use Mohandas Ghandi's models of peaceful resistance is likely unworkable against an "enemy" with TOTALLY different goals....The British Empire of the first half of the 20th century is NOT the same kind of enemy IN ANY WAY (as in there is literally NO reasonable comparison between the two) as gigantic, multi-nationa Finance Corporations. Governments are FORCED to be scrupulous to a degree: there is no such requirement or desire for Corporations to do the same...it makes the bottom line a bit smaller to actually be decent and to "have a heart". There IS NO REASON for anyone to do anything...any company to act in any way on behalf of your "protest". You cannot hold-out forever (you think you can....you can't...I guarantee)..; However...The Corporations can absolutely hold out forever. They, no doubt watch you with telescopes from their high-floored offices, and laugh themselves to tears.

A corporation cannot be 'offended' out of occupying a nation.....money is dirty from the start...not a one of them can care. The intelligent would think, "Hmm, well, obviously this is doing NOTHING...but if, somehow I could prevent these suit and tie idiots from going to work....then I'd have something. If there were a non-violent way to keep the Corporate Stooges from "Occupying" their places of work...you'd not win...but I'd cause a massive disruption. This, though could only work were nobody in danger, threatened, etc....100% nonviolent".

Things are not in your control: sorry to break it to you...but if there were a way, somehow...nonviolently to force ALL of the workers at the same time in a given set of companies OUT from behind their desks (shit, they don't really even need to leave...they just need to NOT do ANY work)....if someone could find a way to waste 99% (haha) of their time, you'd actually maybe stand a chance of actually WINNING, brining this to AN END.

I make it clear here that I am just exercising my rights to write and speak freely...it should be relatively evident where I stand on things; I f anyone decides to break the law after "being inspired" by anything I HAVE EVER said or written: it is their responsibility alone. What I describe is a hypothetical situation, that, were it somehow possible (I can't see how, legally and without violence one could cause the evacuation of a building that is not "violent" (no fire alarm, bomb threat or the like could be allowed to be used, as those are violent methods..it instills fear in people that are just trying to keep their jobs and do their work....; whether you like it or not.., these people are NOT your enemy)..maybe I am[I wouldn't know, honestly..I could be lying, though]: that is why you have a brain and a bit of residual intuition. --NGP

Know your enemy(Ecco Il Nemico, then Echo your enemy[P.1]

It is funny: I know where to hit someone, precisely, to cause them to never again have a dream. I mean, literally: no REM sleep..you go insane. I can easily do this, yet know of nothing I can do save for Electricity being pumped through my brain to fix me..Depression is a bitch, a bitch, a snotty snitch with a hairline near its' ankles. It suffers from Anomalies most unnatural. It likes to eat that which we sheet, it sucks up the nutrients that were left incompletely dissected by bodies, which is a thing it collects.He has one of every color: nearly a whole set. He watches television and scrawls the names of those on the credits of that which we mostly refer to as abysmal, terrible drivel. He then finds them and attaches explosives to their genitalia which he detonates if they do not immediately get released from every contract, quite every job and destroy their capacity to create "entertainment"...it watches and listens from a close, but safe distance as the offender calls to resign their memberships to various organizations, unions and "Academies" linking them, and enabling them to create more decomposing garbage. He can't forgive, though..only once did he not, as was 'so artfully, vomit-inducing' absurd # of times 'drop the stick' is said in one movie that could have passed as decent had it not been for simple stupidity". I don't like indenting my writing. It likes, though, to create indentations in bone and skull with a ball-peen hammer..a very small one. It wishes censors would spontaneously dissolve and PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY can take its' place. It wants to reestablish standards of intelligence of action. It doesn't care if YOU do not understand....he wanst YOU to be washed away with the rest of them if you are operating on that Reptilian remnant stem. It will demand the "Christian Right" be known as the "Christian Wrong"..; not because they are Christians (pardon me ,So THEY CLAIM [perhaps some are genuine....I doubt there are many, unfortunately]). but because they are a LOAD of war-mongering, step-on-their-pregnant-wifes-stomach-for-one-more-vote pieces of human filth. It wants to find a way to force ALL politicians out of power. It believes most politicians, by definition, belong in Prison. If you ever ask who or what IT is, .it is very simple: It is ALL of YOU out there. "It" is the voice of my self-designed systematic method of tracking opinions and trends.. It speaks AS you do... IT is far smarter than I ever expected. --NGP

Winders' night belated scream and terror

My instructions were to create a metallic scrape to rape in inner-work. Pervert the jerking..... to plant a seed far in the FASTER than light past to let you all feel shame. Samhain, for everything you do that keeps you alive. I apologize for doing some things with or against orders that could have magnified into the destruction it has.....bleed bad, seen sad heroin chic; murder me sweet skinny retard darling. Stap 15 times in the neck with a 100X syringe, to go on the ultimate binge and die to leave a pretty corpse and a organic torso, whole, though,,,humans I am NOT. HUMANS disappoint with ego blocking the possibility of :"DISTANCE" ALL I FEEl IS THAT YOU HAVE DELIBERATELY, world, FILLED MY LU NGS WITH FIGURATIVE OATMEAL....you have rendered me dead., upended my bed while using tech we'd think was sci-fi to store me in your pocket and also stop my time.....though not my thoughts. I am going to speak your bullshit, all that is your life your life, Agent LIAR:..if I DIE..it wAS NOT suicide....it was agent LIAR You have a blade under the seat...it ferrous properties, if I start a fire,will expand me.....maybe beyond my size....but I've always wished were bigger to hold up a woman underneath her thighs whilst making love, I certainly be strong enough at the hypothetical point. I think of how little some people bother and then an avalanche renders be seeing stars and LIELIELIELIELIE AGAIN again. Governance makes everything a joke. next frame I am inside a hospital broken in body; ignited in spirit.

Always dismember the little people...

All of that wihch makes me ME....I feel that all of those elements of myself were eaiser to "be". It is hard to be me on a number of levels; I try to make it easy on those around me for whom I care..those I Love....I often fail. I often find that in order ot be what it seems reality expects me, or of me...requires more than I am capable of. Unfortunately: it begs the question: how important is your individuality to you? Also....what IS your individualoity. I am not 100% sure that I know the answer to that question any longer. I think I am cold to the world because it has been, in my perception, very cold and unkind to me. I do, at every instance of "notice", as in when I notice a behavior/decide to do something I wouldn't do as rote....I notice that less matters each time than before.....no; that doesn't describe it. There is an enormous problem with his logic stream....it doesn't fit reality. Reality is something entirely subjective. Certain parties now have to decide whether the holding of a lie forever. I don't think it matters after some point as long as a person is (is isn't strength, but intelligence of ones' self);..it is necessary to examine the self constantly to have any knowledge of how YOU fit into PRESENT reality. There are things that happen: events. Then there are things that are alleged to have occurred. Now, thes are two highly different things; however....there is a truth: a binding truth between those who know the truth, and those who absolutely believe the person alleging. It makes me lose more faith in mankind that the culpable are simply too damned weak to come to terms with what have done and simply: for once: tell the truth. I have no action I can take....only fuel to my fire....; and maybe someday, a man will exist in the shell if a thing lumbering and clumsy; a person I do not know but once was the closest person on the planet to me. I have been forced to simply forgive some pretty horrible things. There are some things that become dificult/impossible to forgive...this is one of those. As ,many a person would tell you: those close to me): I am,capable of great forgiveness if it feels that (1)the person is genuinely sorry for having deliberately wronged me (2)the closeness of the person to me comes into play as an aggregate/unknown that only a bit of time can reveal,(3)The severity of the lie, and the willingness to continue the lie...this makes the person an essential "un-person") There are things that I am not going ot discuss as they involve MANY more people, have the capacity to fuck up lives, etc...but; I wish a mans word was worth a damn these days.. It, ones' word....makes no impact...has no import. I cry for humanity at this. --NGP

Mémoires et confusion émotives de Noël.

Christmas.. Oddly enough: the magic it used to have is dead upon the addition of religion. Whenever I would visit my fathers' parents...I felt not just uneasy, but depressed and feeling simply guilty. I enjoy a non-religious X-mas as opposed to a religiously beaten in, Oh a guy was butchered for your sins: have some Cider and a present..HAPPY FUCKING DAYS!!. HOW CAN I ENJOY CHRISTMAS WHEN IT GOES FROM BEING A FULLY SECULAR, JOYFUL TIME OF SIMPLE FAMILY TOGETHERNESS AND RENEWAL OF BONDS BETWEEN THE ENTIRE FAMILY "UNIT"..... I became nothing but scared when bloody Jesus was thrust in my face as a MUCH bigger part of the entire experience. I started to dislike Christmas at about then exactly. EXECUTION AND DEATH AND THEN RESURRECTION, etc.., rather the birth of one who supposedly went through ALL of these things that DO NOT MAKE SENSE. I found it cruel then, as I do now to realize that a rather gruesome layer was being added to my experience and what I knew of the "Story" of Christmas, and NOT with the sanction of either of my parents.....my grandmother, recently dead, decided to traumatize me and; take a guess what I had nightmare about all night...?? Being nailed to a cross and drying and going to Hell forever....to ascension for me, as I wasn't a Christian...not a "stated" believer...not one who had "accepted Jesus into his heart" NOW take a step back: How insane is that if you can, honestly step back far enough (many Christians cannot, I am sure of this). To put it simply: To deform a thing that was pure and beautiful and wonderful as simple family togetherness and Love without judgement...universally putting all disagreements aside to simply be a family......THIS WAS..WAS prior to my Paternal grandmother staining Christmas with imaginary blood of who I see as an historical figure.., but..I think he may have had a "direct line" to something otherworldly..perhaps "divine"..I don't know and I feel that there is an arrogance to those who decide to have the audacity that a measly human, 1 amongst (on this planet) 7 Billion... I find it to be a question that I feel people need to consider;; however it is something to which there is NO answer in any traditional sense. There is only faith.., and for FAITH to inspire such hatred, violence, TERRORISM,, sectarian violence. I can say, without having to check any statistics, to KNOW that the largest manmade/man-borne reason for people killing other people comes down to that which can be classified as religion, sect/ethnic(supported by faith) or Faith-based violence. I give you these as the examples of why, at large, I am disgusted that I have to exist as a human being. I will write an opposing BLOG...that which makes me proud. I am simply stating my thoughts and hope it provokes at least 1 new thought in you. I'd ask you to add this thought..any thought you have, on our BLOG. You, EVERYONE has my personal invite to post their thought...they have always had that invite: nobody has ever which makes me feel like garbage..; that is another BLOG Happy New Year, Everyone, --Nick-Gerald Peterson

UNEDITED MADMAN WRITING

everyday I wake, do the same things....I think routine is a good thing...but I am not where I should be. I writenobodys' sake...not even my own.. I write like a guy with a weak bladder urinates all over himself...It comes out, the apes clap, I get check and spend it on death. I see people portrayed by actors in commercials and in real life and I just want to take a shit on them....,or start throwing feces vomit and every disgusting, infectious, horrible, stinking, emetic thing on the planet at htem to CURE them of their perfection. FUCK PERFECTION....the only thing that matters is IMPERFECTION...the right KIND of imperfection is the definition of beauty. Perfection is a bullshit ideal that nobody can achieve save thro foto-shop; I go to flop-houses just to sleep...to see true ugliness makes me sure I am still alive. My dreams have a sheen. This last night, mere hours ago...I was dreaming that I was somehow either young or my father. I was in a condo, or apartment with him..living there I presume....I was living there... I hop'e whereever my father and Kurt Cobain are...that they are happy..; that they fiinally; all the ones who couldn't find their content place inside this life, can find it in what comes after. I cried for 30 second, roughly, when I learned that my dad was dead. I didn't cry for years thereafter. I want to go a X-mas slaying....murdering, decaying. NOT a person, who has half a mind, perception of that which IS, and cannot be denied, save for the douchebags who do, and then, (if irony were a law, which itr should be...if it ewre, people would fucking LEARN the first goddamned time...they'd not cling to a retarded notion...; they would assimilate their experience properly and with sense as opposed to simple, simple simple simple....FUCK simple...NOT a fucking athing is simple....if you quibble: MAYBE you are that which is is simple...if not, you see the point. order forever lazy..foeverlazy....sound like a junkies' dream....just h altered to accomodate a diaper..or a removable assflap to permit the soiled, shit on assflap of your previous "DDruggie" can be washed and changed out with another, clean one, which will be covered in your waste soon enough. I see fotos of the trip I took between 7th and 8th grade...I first flew to Trenton, NJ..was nearly fucking chokeed as I came off into the terminal with the amazing, literally visible pall of cigarette smoke...Stayed in Jersey with cousins who, when I was 14 were in their 50's....they did their best, and I had a good time...but..shit, had I been there with people younger...I can only imagine. I see, in a photo I took on our way to the statue of liberty of the "twin towers"....very strage feeling...stragelet of feeling. Gunne4d And lo and behold: you are a liar. You have NOT and will never until your death (and your guilt WILL admit the same......you belong belong right next to those who

There is no choice but ot..bury my memory of my enmity.

If memory serves: my first class in "High School" was English w// Mr. Yanez. He made everyone introduce themselves in various ways: by answering a few questions verbally...one was "What is your favorite movie". EVERY girl in the class replied that "Clueless" was their favorite movie. I doubt any of them understood that it is MAKING FUN OF THEM..but C'est,la vie.

Today is that man/woman/boy or girl

Were we all like some, were be all dumb, blind, deaf and numb, a crumb on the beard of realities' belching, vomiting, molten vitriolic hatred boiling DIRECTLY beneath your feet all of the time... There are multi-tendriled worms of people who do a simple thing...oh so seemingly unobtrusive.....: they get a tip of a tendril into some, small, seemingly unobtrusive area and, like water..like water drips into thinks and settles in cracks too small to see. When the weather gets bad..the water becomes ice....and since WATER expands when frozen..it pushes the pieces apart by their simple presence. Things and people like this are NOT welcome in my life..my extension or otherwise. People like this need to be locked in isolation for whatever period of time will make them damaged, instead of the agents of damage. I think that there is a direct correlation between the quality of musi... I wan to kill people who sing along with the "Happy Birthday" song ON their OWN birthday....I want to grab the device being used to serve cake and shove it in their neck for the self-celabratory gesture. It is disgusting! I hear static coming from the masses at this point: these are simply too many....no prevailing trend can exist in such a HUGE sample group....it requires an agorithmic filter....a distiller of information....(if you ever read this, Wayne W., I'd ask you first if you could code it..???) The imagination hates me; I dream that every kunckle on my body, and every joint is covered by a dastardly painful swullen, pus-fulled, infectious blisters............

I feel the ache of 1000 deaths in my bones, My head aches with 10000 crawling parasites Nematodes, Caring for lice as pet a Lice Circus instead of one with fleas...how much actual difference could there by...I am sure related they are of the same class/code: they platy the same part of the symphony... somehow...sucking and sanguine.....we all know how. It honestly is a shitty thing that when I write something that is truly special..that is places me into precarious emotional territory..., but does it matter? I'm not sure if anything REALLY matters, intrinsically...but things matter to people...; I know there are too many things that matter to me; so much so, my head simply throbs with pain at the pressure. --NGP

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