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JMG / Blog

Thoughts

Recently I have been just kinda having a bit of self reflection on my life, faith and friends. So I decided to put some thoughts against paper (or computer) and see what came out of this little mind of mine. I am probably not the most qualified of people to discuss this matter. I am so far from an ideal christian that often times I question if I even am. What is real? What is right? What is truth? I swear I have seen heaven staring back at me. Whether it be in a sunset, person, or idea. I know I have experienced, lived, and felt like my spirit has awoken. But time and time again, I dissapoint myself. I turn away from what I believe is God, (Christ)and ignore my spirit. I drink too much, I eat too much, I swear too much, I lust over this world. Like a dog waiting for food I drool over what I want in material and earthly possessions. I am far from perfect. I am far from right. I look back at my little, insignificant life, and see the faces I've hurt, places I've been, and the beauty I have seen, only to come to the conclusion that I do believe in God. How could I not? I've been in far too many predicements where I should have died, should have not been given another second to breathe in this beautiful world. Somehow, someone, something, has saved me. GRACE. Sometimes to make the same mistake and some times to light the way and show me an alternative path. I rely on God to help me through everything, get upset when things go wrong, and curse at this world for being so cruel. I write this today because I am once again at a point in my life where things are right, heck, more then right! And I owe it all to God. I mean I wish I could say I was in charge of my own destiny, and that I write my own book. But in all honesty, what I have come to learn, is that things don't just happen to happen, there is a purpose. Maybe it's to see that a loss is a gain, or a loss is a lesson, but it is never in vien. To my friends who have passed away, I know that what you shared in your time, from your laugh to your love will never go unappreciated or forgotten. That's why to me nothing is lost. Even if they haven't died in reality, just in friendship, I still will always take what they showed me, with me, forever. I can only hope that what I offer and what I experience will somehow bring enlightenment, understanding, or love to them and to you. I can't ever say I've been the best of friends, love, brother, or son, but I can say that I am human and so grateful for all who have entered into my life. There is hope. There is. I've seen it. I've felt it. And I've lived it, maybe even been hope to someone else. I just want to declare how appreciative I am to God for giving me today, to even have the opportunity to experience what I have, both good and bad. I've been a rich man, poor man, lonely man, and loved man. I can't wait to see what's next in this adventure called life. And in my eyes, mind, if I continue to pursue God, Truth, Jesus, Faith and Love I will come to find exactly what is needed from me. Because in the end, it's not what I get from this life, but what I can offer or given the chance to offer to you, life, and this world. If you have made it this far, thank you for listening to my ramble. I hope I don't push anyone away from the idea, or concept of God. I just speak from my little humble view. In fact if you're reading this, you probably have been one of the people that have shown me what beauty makes up this world. So thank you friends, lovers, and family. You have inspired me, loved me, and continue to show me God every day :)