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Kadar Ganim was born in Kuwait in the middle of 1987. His father was a man of unparalleled genius. He was Iraq's top nuclear physicist, and worked on Saddam's Nuclear Weapons program in the 1980's and 1990's.
Kadar was fascinated with science, and since his father was wealthy, he was able to study at top Universities in the decadent West.
At the age of 4, when Kadar had completed his thesis on harnessing rogue neutron packets to create the ultimate superweapon, tragedy struck his beloved Iraq...
He returned to find his home in ruins, having been bombed to shit by asshole Westerners. His father and mother were nowhere to be found, and Kadar was alone in a country besieged by filth...
Springing into action, Kadar harnessed the power of thousands of stray cats and placed them within a geometric structure to accelerate their feline particles and created the world's first Fission Pussy-bomb...
Upon detonation, thousands of Western fuckbag soldiers were blown to bits, along with the stray cat population of Iraq. For this reason, Kadar was dubbed 'Pussydestroyer' by the people for his heroic endeavours.
Saddam #3 was impressed with the child, and so had him undergo rigorous military training. He was later partnered with Ramiz Intestinegrater Abadi and the enigmatic Uncle Bud to form the force known only as 'The Iraqi Death Police.'
The next two decades would see the trio beating back the greedy, oil-felching fuckers in Europe and North America.
In 2011, an assault was launched against America, and after months of kicking serious ass, Washington fell in 2012.
Uncle Bud was killed at the very end of the battle, but Nazir Facecrusher Shakra, a noble blonde Iraqi, stepped up to take his place.
Although the West has fallen, Allahtopia must rise - and The Iraqi Death Police intend on bringing this ideal to fruition...
And so Kadar's journey...continues...
"The titanic colossus known as Ramiz Abadi was born in the year 1975, a few kilometers South of Basra. He is believed to be the living reincarnation of Yel-k'thuz-aiee-barra, 7th child of Al-baithrun-yvezgeh, conqueror of nations and pussies...
Ramiz spent a great deal of time in the desert as a child - not that he had a choice. He studied the sands, felt the wind in his adolescent beard, and killed Western tourists for fun.
He enrolled in the Iraqi military at age 12, which was about 6 years late for the typical child soldier, but regardless of this, Ramiz's incredible physical strength and impenetrable skin made him the ultimate killing machine.
During the 1st Gulf War in 1991, a 16 year old Ramiz led a battalion of camel-mounted warriors against a squadron of A-10 Warthogs. Although his battalion was easily crushed, Ramiz used his amazing throwing abilities to literally knock the flying cunts out of the sky.
Commended by Saddam #3 for his bravery and utter foolishness in battle, Ramiz was asked to head up a secret organisation to 'Destroy the West' - the ultimate wish of Saddam #1...
Ramiz became the leader of 'The Iraqi Death Police.' He was partnered with only the worthiest of allies - a grand total of 2 assholes, one being Kadar Pussydestroyer Ganim, and another known only as Uncle Bud.
The trio went on to beat back the West in the 1990's, and in the 2000's, when the West returned, they retaliated with all the force they could muster.
In 2011, the trio launched an attack on the United States of Assholes. Many soldiers, cats, Mexicans, Americans, capybaras, muskrats, badgers and various other animals were killed during the campaign - the battle of Obama Ridge was a particularly bloody ordeal, where only the 3 Death Police remained standing.
In 2012, Washington fell, and the American leader, Bill Cosby, had his head removed from his body. Uncle Bud, holding up the head as a trophy, was gunned down by a near-dead soldier, who had his head smashed only a second later by Ramiz.
Although Uncle Bud was lost, Nazir Facecrusher Shakra was recruited, and a new trio was forged...
And so Ramiz's journey...continues..."
"The latest addition to the group, Nazir Shakra, was born a few miles outside of Baghdad in 1992.
Nazir moved to Afghanistan at the age of 4, and was raised to be a pathetic goatherder.
At age 7 he became restless and joined the child army of the late Osama Bin Laden. He showed great promise as a marksman and was able to drink more alcohol than any other child in his division.
When war broke out in 2001, Nazir, at the tender age of 9, began the systematic killing of many Western cockbags, and was revered for his brutality and lack of hygiene.
His signature move was to crush the faces of his enemy, and so he became known as 'Facecrusher.' Although it was not very imaginative, it was very true. Nazir was a real cunt and brought death to hundreds upon thousands of soldiers...
Nazir became separated from his team in a firefight with some of America's top marines, who utterly fucked up everyone...except for Nazir...
The young boy moved to Iraq, and swore allegiance unto Saddam - well, not to him personally, but to a guy who kind of resembled him.
Nazir heard about a trio of incredible killers who had begun a private crusade to finally crush the decadent West. He followed the trail of destruction and burned away any resistance he encountered.
Assisting in the final assault on Washington in 2012, Nazir helped to destroy the opposition and shared much American Coca Cola and bitches with the Iraqi soldiers who had liberated the USA from freedom of choice.
To his surprise and delight, he met with the asshole instigators of the conflict, and, finding that Uncle Bud had died due to his head getting in the way of a bullet, was asked to join the remaining 2 warriors to once again complete 'The Iraqi Death Police.'
And so Nazir's journey...continues..."
We've heard from some fellow bands that played at the Splashy Fen music festival that things weren't...all that great.
Apparently most people couldn't have given a shit about the bands playing, and some bands are saying Splashy this year has been more like a "Beerfest." What a bummer...
We are very sorry that things didn't go quite as planned for our fellow Durban bands, but we have no doubt they gave it their all nonetheless!
In 2 weeks time we'll be on our way with fellow heavies Divine Affliction to obliterate the Gauteng region! Catch us on the 12th at Boston Rock Lounge and on the 13th at Wolmer Events Arena.
GP locals Corax and Afgepis will join us at Boston Rock Lounge, and Bloodbeast and Conchuda will jam with us at Wolmer Events Arena.
We'll have merch on sale, as will the Divine Affliction crew, so bring money and buy motherfuckers!