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My evolution as an independent artist has always motivated me. I’m constantly challenging myself to allow the art within to flow from me organically. I have nothing against concept writers in fact I admire their ability to flesh out a topic with metaphors and clever speech. But for me writing has always been the way I deal with my ”human experiences”. Getting in my comfort zone “the studio” ignites my healing process. Being in the studio I feel like a fish in water. I often ask my dad how he knew I would be a singer & songwriter. His response remains consistent: “It’s in your blood. I’d bring you to the studio with me all the time and you’d be in the booth with me in your car seat eyes wide open. It didn’t take you long to adapt. You were born into this. It’s who you are”. When I’m writing songs in the studio his words resonate and it is indeed where I feel the most alive…. EVER! If you have a moment feel free to step inside my heart. Enjoy! – Nu’Dai
Regret lives deep in my soul
It sits on the couch that is my heart
And my memories…
They’re my blanket comforting me as I watch the movie of my life
I wait for the climax to approach
The tears running down my cheek, pass my lips onto my neck cleanse me
Reminding me that I shouldn’t change a thing, I wouldn’t change a thing, I couldn’t change a thing
Because with you I learned that true love exists
I miss you
The decision to pursue my dream of becoming a successful paid singer/songwriter has been one of the biggest decisions I’ve made as an adult. The choice to do this independently has been very challenging. Sometimes I get in a rut and question it all. I ask myself, “Is this what you really want”? And then I ask God, “Is this what you will for me”? In November of 2011 I toiled within and sought to revitalize myself. What am I here for I kept asking God. Why is it so imperative that I discover my purpose? Why can’t you just declare it and make it clear to me. Most people would say to me, “You know your purpose” or “God has a plan for your life have faith and trust him”. None of that was helping. I knew my purpose and I knew that God had a plan for me, but getting clarity and direct instruction hasn’t always been an easy task, for me anyways… So as the year came to an end I began to see what I needed to do to receive clarion. I hit the ground running and my actions brought results. YES!!! Finally, I thought. But then life reminded me that everything has a process and the patience quiz was in full effect. Health issues, family issues, money issues… ISSUES lol… So I was getting discouraged. My boat was rocking and I started to forget who controlled the waves in the ocean. Once again the doubt and fear crept in and the questions kept arising in my heart… God show me? Am I doing something wrong? Am I rushing? What do I do? Still nothing and the beat went on. Finally I chose to calm the storm within my mind and say if this is supposed to be it will. A nonchalant attitude was being embraced, but with that came a tap on the shoulder from depression and my spirit was reminding me of old mental patterns and maybe that’s what I was supposed to be shown. With those thoughts came temptations to silence the voices with my old vices: Sex, Drugs, Rock n’ Roll. After all, nothing else was happening why pursue sobriety? But thankfully my spirit was stronger. I’ve been sober a while now and in a split second my mind was convincing me to moonwalk into death. I’ve heard it preached a few times in my life that the devil will always try to tempt you to abort your mission and at that moment in time I appreciated my sobriety because I was able to see the attempt of the “inner me- enemy”. So I denied myself and continued on my path of clarity allowing myself to feel the pain of my avidity. Am I still intimidated by what I don’t know and understand about my future? Yes. Will I allow that uncertainty to rule and control me? No. Can I continue to endure until my dream manifests approaching life one day at a time? Absolutely. So my mind is made up why? Because I know my purpose and I believe God has a great plan for me. I came across this quote and it uplifted me. Everyone wants success and desires a particular happiness and comfort in this life. I think we’re able to attain it, but only if we can endure and wait with a good attitude. Here’s a thought… Wonder if I can succeed at becoming patient? #StayInspired – Nu’Dai
He courts me with imagery And the lust that lurks within me grabs each dream promised as long as I don’t wake up is the condition Have it your way Your miracle, your time, your season Hides beneath the truth which requires Attention & obedience But the weight of the tears in my ducts beg to be released and the work ethic & discipline required its deceiving Or maybe repeating the vicious cycles is bequeathing, who knows, because I don’t Like a baby I’m teething Not prepared to eat at the table with the heathen because the only thing that threatens most is when I discover he’s committed to his belief and I was simply coarsed with fear, but opened my ear to hear what A spirit was saying… So my purpose becomes delayed because my behavior won’t change Gotta be careful of what they’ll say Or I’ll end up by myself… and that’s how you lose the game… isolated! But when I’m alone with me I feel saine The clarity in my mind is indescribable I’m just saying… go ahead deem me selfish or maybe I’m selfless because I’m healing in order to present a healthy me for a better you and together we can accomplish more… certainly Challenging myself has always been a cleanser and as I bath in my reality and dry off the depravity I can move forward encouraged that what I have to offer is priceless. I guess that’s why the soul is often propositioned to be bought because It was never meant to be sold
Last night it all made sense! I… walk to the beat of the spirit that lives within me. One connected to the Most High. One without fear, but dominated by love. Poetic huh… LOL… I wish I felt that way yesterday & everyday consistently. It was a hard day for me mentally. One of those “living” in my head days… I rode the train headed to my editing session. As I swayed to Kaleidoscope Dreams tears poured down my cheeks… and another episode of ” WTF Am I doing with my life” played in my mind. Why is this grind so hard! Am I doing “this” for me? Am I doing what I’m purposed to do or what I propose I should do? Those thoughts tormented me for what seemed like an hour, but it was only a 3 minute train ride. I wiped my face and exited. Took the escalator up to the main platform and sat. I listened to the sound of the street performer’s cover tunes. They resonated and I fell deeper into thought. “I gotta find out why this bus isn’t coming”. I walked Lankershim intently, but got easily distracted, as always. “Hey can you give me a ride on your motorcycle”? Stranger: Where to? Me: “Just down the street a mile or two”. Stranger: Hop on. So I did and it was a thrill! Just what I needed to remind myself that I was breathing and still in tune with my inner spirit. Stranger: So you go to school around here? Me: Nope, I’m a singer/songwriter. Headed to view some footage from a short film I wrote. Stranger: Word? I’m a director. My office is right across the street… So that’s where it all started to click for me. “Trust In The Lord With All Your Heart. Lean Not To Your Own Understanding. In All Your Ways Acknowledge Him. And He Will Direct Your Path”. I finally arrived to my session and was blown away! We put in work this summer and it showed. The quality of the work was impressive. I was starting to see the “Big Picture”. The long commutes and days at work, sacrificed weekends in the studio, the evening rehearsals after an 8 hour shift and let’s not forget the weeks of eating nothing but sandwiches because my last dime was invested into a musician for a new song idea… It all weighs on me. Being an independent entity is not easy. I’m grateful for those who have helped me along the way and the knowledge and strength God has given me to endure and participate in the things I enjoy. It’s easy to get out of balance and tired. When that happens I’m irritated and nothing good comes of it. Depression starts knocking on my door. And it’s not about “Lack of Faith” or “Naming & Claiming” F.O.O.H.W.T.B.S. ! It’s about understanding that NOTHING happens without hard work. My friend Jude said a very interesting thing last night. He said, I’m starting to not believe in genius anymore. I think it’s more about hard work than the proclamation. It got me thinking… I agreed! You can have a desire or a genius idea, but if you don’t act on that idea and work hard to produced quality results you no genius, you’re a lazy wishful fool! I was petrified to “start” a career as a singer songwriter even though I’ve been doing it since I began breathing, pretty much. But to pursue this independently, with integrity, and an intention to release my inspiration creatively is intimidating. BUT I’m DOING it! So it’s all making sense. It’s all coming together. One day at a time, one moment at a time, one experience at a time. – Viva!
You’re the only thing I’ve ever loved more than life itself, yet our relationship is dwindling because the shinning lights are blinding me from the commitment I once made. I need fervor. I miss the passion once shared.
I think of you and how I’ve neglected my feelings, my will, my true emotions because of my incessant need for security. But what is security? It’s defined as: freedom from care, anxiety, or doubt; well-founded confidence. Seems that I don’t have what I think I need, yet I keep pursing security… why? Wouldn’t it be more adventurous to chase the dream. But what is a dream? What is the dream? What is MY Dream?
What if I’m content with my illusion, but afraid that it’s not elaborate enough.
The journey one has to take to approach the mirage can uplift or deflate ones ambition. The challenge then becomes to anchor, but what are you holding onto?
#Stop… #ThinkAboutIt… #ThinkAboutIt
Dakota Lounge on March 20, 2013 in Santa Monica. Live Local Band. The way I look at it, you can drink, you can dance, and you can be contributing to something that means a great deal to many of us and that’s the health of our little ones. At this point I have very little pinned down, so anything you have or suggestions to turn this wednesday into a an opportunity to give back would be amazing.
My goal is to hand over a check to the Children’s Hospital to thank them for all they once did for my niece Citrus that passed away a few years back and to help support all our children, friend’s children, next door neighbor’s children, and our children’s children.
You in? The hope is dance, music, drinks, and supporting that next generation.
http://iamnudai.com/post/23106303753/my-evolution-as-an-independent-artist-has-always My evolution as an independent artist has always motivated me. I’m constantly challenging myself to allow the art within to flow from me organically. I have nothing against concept writers in fact I admire their ability to flesh out a topic with metaphors and clever speech. But for me writing has always been the way I deal with my ”human experiences”. Getting in my comfort zone “the studio” ignites my healing process. Being in the studio I feel like a fish in water. I often ask my dad how he knew I would be a singer & songwriter. His response remains consistent: “It’s in your blood. I’d bring you to the studio with me all the time and you’d be in the booth with me in your car seat eyes wide open. It didn’t take you long to adapt. You were born into this. It’s who you are”. When I’m writing songs in the studio his words resonate and it is indeed where I feel the most alive…. EVER! If you have a moment feel free to step inside my heart. Enjoy! – Nu’Dai
http://iamnudai.com/post/22260992016/today-for-the-first-time-in-a-decade-i Today, for the first time in a decade, I will stand on a stage… Fully clothed ;) … doing something I love to do: Sing! This has been such a journey. Discovering my talent, developing my talent, sporadically sharing my talent and now launching a career using my talent. Today marks the day I begin the “climb”. I frequently share an experience I had in Honolulu of climbing Koko Head Mountain. I often talk about it because it signified something I had never done before and never knew I could or wanted to do. The preparation for this feat happened way before I arrived to Hawaii. A month before the trip I started working out in the gym. I wanted to “look good” on the beach and fit my clothes comfortably. It never dawned on me that God could be strengthening my endurance and lungs for what would be a much needed experience. We were half way into our trip when my good friend’s sister suggested we take a hike up the mountain. At first I thought no way! I’m on vacation I refuse to exercise, but deep inside I wanted to go. After all she made it sound so appealing the inner conqueror in me couldn’t resist so I agreed and everything I needed to participate was provided. When we arrived at the mountain I was extremely intimidated. “Lord, how am I going to do this”, is what came to my mind, yet I had something to prove at this point. After all I showed up and I hear that’s half the battle :D. We set out on the path to climb KoKo Head and at first it wasn’t so bad. “This is easier than I thought”, I said to myself. But boy was I wrong! We reached the end of the path and faced the first track that launched the actual climb. Talk about a buzz kill! “What’s this”, I asked? The mountain. Now we’ll begin. “I thought we began 20 minutes ago what was all this walking for”? Girl… that’s just the path to get to the mountain are you tired already? My pride responded, “no I’m ready”. It was the most physically challenging activity I’d ever done. But God gave me what I needed to accomplish “the climb”. I made it to the top, but it wasn’t easy. When I arrived I looked down at the trail and wiped the tears from my eyes, “we did it”, I thought. I had just achieved something unthinkable. I’ve since learned to take every opportunity my way as a preparation of some sort. God knows the plans he has for us. I truly believe that. Those two ladies above, whom I dearly love, God used them in a mighty way. Those are my sisters Dorothy and Takia. My path started with them. It was with them I learned everything. Our long hours of practice. Our performances and play time talent shows. Our choreographed dance routines for house parties and our sisterhood is unforgettable. Although we’ve gone our separate ways musically I’ve never forgotten how it all began and tonight when I grace the stage I will be smiling in my heart allowing those memories to fuel my climb! -Nu’Dai