As I sit here happy on this Monday morning I decided to share this thought. As I reflect back on the journey I began June of 2011 I have experienced and learned a great deal in a short amount of time. If you ask me how many of the members of my church, close friends, or family members have been out to see me perform over the past 2 years, purchased my album or supported me in any way the number is extremely low. It's always "oh tell me when your next show is" or "ima this ima that" but all of that has only proved to me friends are not fans and fans are not friends. I harbor no ill feelings towards anyone, and if nothing else the bible is right. I am thankful for everything that has happened, happening, and is going to happen. Have a blessed Monday
Everyday I am in a battle. The war is internal. I have to fight between my mind and my heart. My heart is the child within me. It believes, imagines, hopes, trusts, loves, cares, feels. My brain is a man. My mind is logical, analytical, old and wise, experienced, judgmental, never trusting. I always want to follow what my heart tells me but my brain will not allow me. For I have been down that road and it leads to hurt, pain, and misery. So I turn to my piano. On it my heart reigns supreme. I expose my true self. The child that wishes to be free. I believe if I didn't have this daily battle my music would be lacking soul & spirit. It is a bitter cup to drink from but in the end it is my gift-
Saturday January 5, 2013.
As I sit on this couch I begin to reminisce upon my latter Jr High days. I never really enjoyed school (not because it was difficult) because some of the subjects I was required to learn didn't spark my interest. I have always had a creative mind, and around this period of my life I became interested in skateboards. When I would arrive to school I would begin designing and constructing a finger board skatepark on my desk. It was quite impressive to me and my friends. I mean it was fully functioning...handrails, steps, quarter pipes, vert ramps, THE WORKS!! Needless to say my teacher was less than impressed. I was forced to demolish my master piece. My grades continued to suffer (I believe I had all F’s at this time). Some time later, I was faced with devastating news from my school. They informed me that I would be held back and forced to repeat Eighth grade. I was angry/hurt/embarrassed/and most of all motivated. I knew I was intelligent, and I set out on a mission to show my teachers and family I could pass. So I transferred schools. I didn't have a miraculous breakthrough at the new school. I simply did my homework, and I prepared for my tests. I went from F’s to straight A’s. I even ended up in the NJHS with Principals List Honor Roll. All because I chose to apply myself.
I said all that to bring you up to speed with where I am now. I am MOTIVATED. I want nothing more in life than to make it with my music. A few years ago I was told by a musician I admired that I wouldn't have the ability to play impressively anytime soon.... Those words stuck with me. I set out to prove him wrong. People told me I couldn't put out my own music, I set out to prove them wrong. People told me you cant play like that because it doesn't make sense....I set out to prove them wrong. I am motivated beyond explanation now that I have gotten passed what people expected from me. I can care less who from Arizona supports me. My vision is beyond Arizona, it’s beyond what people conceive. I am not motivated by hate, spite, revenge, but by LOVE. My love for music knows no limits. It’s what kept me awake at night as I practiced my piano alone in the dark. It’s what made me stay home and practice while everybody else had fun. I have applied myself a billion times greater for my music than when I simply wanted to “pass” Eighth grade. You do the math...what am I going to accomplish...only time will tell.
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