Recently, I wrote a journel in a moment of emotional release and after reading it for others a few times. I have the courage to post it here. Here it goes. Sometimes I feel like a spark that could ignite the world, yet when people see me for what I am. They observe from a distance. As if I don't really exist. It's only when I believe that. That I don't shine my brightest. It seems that my brightest takes me to new realms of me. It's hard to recognize my loneliness. All of my friends and loved ones see me as bright and complex. Few take the time to get to know the painter of me within me, and those who do have acknowledge that I may be mysterious to them. Not because I hold my aspects away from plain placement. Not even in the slightest. I put all of myself out there. People have said on many occasions that they think I am weird. In a good way, but they don't get it. So as close as we are. I lack intamacy. Someone who interacts intamitely is someone who holds your hand. Someone who looks deeper to understand that who you are, is just a person. A special person, because we all are. Each of our point of view is a result of each of our unique experiences, yes. Although, all of our experiences are shared. We don't need to be alone because we have each other. I am forever grateful for all of you in my life. Even if I am writing this alone to myself at night. I know each of our experiences are intamate. On a spiritual level and we all know it. I want to know who will stand in the center of fire with me and not shrink back. I accept anyone who accepts themself. I treat them as if they were me because they are. Who ever it may be I sleep next too next may wake up with me and realize we have BEEN DREAMING. If we can face ourselves we can face each other. I bring you my smile.
In hip hop culture an mc can give them self a name or have one given to them. It's not the name, but the mc who defines them self and what they stand for. Although, the name or gimmick of an mc gives people an idea of what they're about to see or hear. In my case. My name was given to me. A man named Joe from Chicago heard one of my songs when I was about 19. He must have been inspired because he went to his bag and pulled out a shirt. Green with d l written symbolically to portray a bong in between the lines. 420 written in scientific bar notation. He said, "I got this shirt from a booth at a festival in the Midwest and it stands for 'dope logic.' You can have it." From then on, that has been my name. Can't be worn out. Dope logic, according to the urban dictionary is the thought process of someone who is excessively baked or stoned. Which is a funny resemblance to who I am as a person. I do happen to smoke a lot. I also, tend to think deeply with a 'logical' perspective. I quote logical for obvious reasons. What may seem reliable fact to me may be illogical to another. I definitely represent dope logic to the fullest and plan on sticking to it as my mc name. Music culture. Recently someone tried to get me to do a show under a different name and I refused. Why would I sell out my name to be in a show. It isn't even my first show and I wasn't impressed with the flyer either. Happy to have my integrity. My name and my words. You can expect a lot more of them to come. Happy travels sucka!
This one will be short. After staying up late and waking up early for a little while. About a week or so I found this to be relevant as of now. Keeping oneself awake can be inspiring, and intoxicating, or it can be distracting and even damaging. After long periods of time awake. Like all things, it depends on how you view and choose to proof the situation. Keeping myself awake was to wake myself up and that is easy enough said. I feel good that I have been utilizing my time. I definitely feel awake and I am stoked to have been doing a lot of fun things recently. Which include. Keeping the house clean, jamming with friends, setting up this music page, writing, and reading, and reaching out a little more for new music. Most of all, I have been garnering the frequency to keep myself moving. For a while I was settling into a relax vibe just chillin a lot. For some time I have been slowly waking back up an energy inside me that I had put to rest. Back in 2008 and around that time I would stay up, partying, working, and I lived many life's at once. productive as I was, destructive was my nature. I eventually burned out hard. So resting was important for a while. Now it is time to wake back up inside, but with a new perspective and attitude. Even more importantly, a new way of doing things. Can do attitude plus do initiative. That's what waking myself up has been about. I have been sleeping enough, but for the last week or so. Events of the day and task which arise have kept me up late and early. It's not so much sleep deprivation as it is, my will to stay on to of things. So, it's been fun and I won't sleep in, but I'm not keeping myself awake for countless hours. More or less, staying up late as I choose and waking up early the same. Choices becoming more expanded to late and early. Wow, a 'short one' has turned into a rant. I feel awake. :)
Sleep deprivation experimentation entry # 1 Jan 21, 2013
Three days ago I decided to experiment with an idea. I want to wake myself up inside. Stoke the fire if you will. An interesting, yet intriguing idea came to mind. Maybe if I force myself to stay awake a little bit later, and a wake up a little bit earlier. I will wake up my state of being. Nothing too serious for now. I slept 5 hours the first night, then 4 the second. Along with 3 hours of sleep last night on day three. That is actually very little compared to my normal sleeping patterns. Tonight was supposed to be my night of rest but it is 2 am and I am awake writing my first blog. For which this is a good time to mention. I think this theory has proven to have some weight so far. The first morning I woke up tired, but then for the last few mornings I have risen with energy. There is a, slight sense of drowsiness to the day and night, but for the most part. I feel awake and alert. With burst of creativity, and philosophy. even moments of clarity. Where only a few days ago I forced myself to stay awake. Now I get a little chemical rush from time to time. My bodies way of keeping up with my will to keep up. Although my body is also paying the toll. Besides from being a little bit soar. I have also experienced a few sleep deprived moments. I have even experienced subtle hallucinations. Mostly tonight. The night I was supposed to go to sleep early. I believe that it is a good idea for me to do this in increments. Stay up late a few nights then sleep good a night. Charge up and do it again. Hopefully becoming more and more productive while creating more time. I will write more on this tomorrow. Along with other blogs about different things I have been learning. For now I should sign off. It is nearly 3 am and I think I got the point through introduction wise. Sleepy tight everyone. Live the dream :) Anthony DeLuca