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You ask me if I’m happy and what do you get? You get a smile and the response that I am. And this is true in any turn of the phrase. But if you ask me if I’m content you might see that smile drop to, at best, the deep look of soul searching pondering and, at worst, a numb, constricting ache that seems to asphyxiate ones hopes and dreams. I now believe the mid life crisis is the product of the acceptance of this lack-of-hope feeling into the mind of the disheartened. Even if a person is instilled with a dogma to never give in or up, the loss of this hope makes life lifeless. You then just exist instead of appreciating the holiness of the opportunity we have been given. A reality that we can only explain in tangible constructs made of numbers and equations while at the same time, being unable to remove the unexplainable magic that surrounds us or that has been inexorably woven into the tapestry of our existence. So then the question remaining is have I been disheartened? No. But I am afraid of it; afraid of losing that curiosity. I don’t want to be that or feel that. I want to be able to step back from myself and still feel happy about what I see and the direction I see it moving in. I want to retain that curiosity that they say is childlike because I don’t think it is childlike at all. That feeling doesn’t correlate with age, but with innocence. I think that type of curiosity is full of heart and hope that has yet to succumb to the constriction of life’s temperament. That curiosity has yet to be subjugated to the mental recesses in the mounting shadow of the fears of being the people we are. Pure curiosity! I am still very curious. I love life and I enjoy it thoroughly. However, I can imagine a day, and a path of life that could take me to a place where that will be different. Every day I live without moving toward my dreams, is a step on that path emotional obedience. Every wrong step I take is potentially a step on that path to spiritual death. The end of a decade. I almost don’t want to welcome the next decade out of the fear of me losing my spark. At the same time when I look to the future my flame of curiosity burns bright through the endless possibilities of being. For now that flame far outshines the darkness of doubt that looms in my head. I pray this always is. Hello 2013. I’ve been waiting.
Music is my passion. It's what brings me the most pleasure in life. To be on stage spewing my heart out is where i find myself in my prime. Sending a message over a beat and finding my audience captivated is like the finest of ambrosias to me. Pouring my thoughts onto a page in anticipation of recording them through a mic is my driving motivation. That which keeps a pen in my pocket is my mind constantly reaching for rhymes that my subconscious discards so readily. So i guess music is my being. It is what my heart is made of. It is where my soul rests. I hope you find this to be true.