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Robby The Elf / Blog

Christmas Misconceptions

One Christmas misconception is that Santa delivers to all the kids in one night. Well, he does most of it Christmas Eve, but it actually takes over a month! It's not that he can't, but he has to obide by different customs and traditions. He even has to go to Russia twice. See, he starts out December 5, in Holland by steamboat from a home he has in Spain. Children leave out clogs to be filled with presents when they wake up St. Nicholas' day December 6. That's when Sinterklaas travels with Zwarte Piet, his assistant on a white horse. Santa has a place in Finland too, called Lapland. Neither there or the Netherlands do reindeer fly. Something about the International Space Treaty or leaving reindeer poop on a diplomats house, I don't know. There he rides his sleigh on the ground. Good thing he doesn't have far to go. And in Greenland, Christmas trees have to be imported because no trees grow that far north. Christmas in Iceland is known as Yule. Thats where yuletide comes from. Anyways, Santa does most of his delivering on December 24, but has to go back to Russia January 7, because most there celebrate then. Some Catholics celebrate December 25, so that's why he has to go there twice. There they call him Father Frost.

The Christmas Curse

People don't have to worry about The Christmas Curse because it only affects elves. See, elves work as a team. Totally unselfish and whatever needs to be done as they say. That creates "Elf Power". Magic from within that grows in numbers. People work as individuals. "What have you done for me", and "It's not my job" way of looking at life. After saving Christmas, (Listen to my song, Almost Twas The Night), Santa challenged me to see what impact an elf could have within your world. I told him, "Nobody's gonna believe me." Santa replied, "Who you tellin'?" But living without other elves means I must forfeit Elf Power, do everything by myself, and to experience life as people. No elf magic. Not even card tricks. The Christmas Curse is a legend that says any elf without Elf Power will suffer a bad Christmas. I never believed it myself, but there have been things occuring that may raise concern. The first Christmas here, I was working at a pizza joint on Christmas Eve. While cleaning up to go home, I rubbed a cloth behind the butcher block table and snagged a half inch thick splinter in my right middle finger. Not a drop of blood, but pressure like I've never known. My finger throbbed with pain as I finished and went home. All night Christmas Eve I couldn't sleep due to pain throbbing. No care clinics were open on Christmas Day, so I took an exacto knife, left handed, and surgically removed it. I had to cut my own finger open in order to get the splinter out. My fingerprint will never be the same. One year, I went to Clemson University, and sold everything I took. The students in the dorm were asking me for photos, and texting their friends. I thought this is so cool. On my way out of Clemson, I blew my transmission. Last November, my car stopped idling one day, broke the parking brake cable the next, then the starter went out, and then the door handle broke. All in one week!! I don't know if I believe in the Christmas Curse, but it makes me wonder...

Is There A Santa??

Poor, misguided folks. They missed the whole point. Lot's of unhappiness? Maybe so. But doesn't Santa take a little bit of that unhappiness away? Doesn't a smile on Christmas morning scratch out a tear cried on a sadder day? Not much maybe. But what would happen if we all tried to be like Santa and learned to give as only he can give: of ourselves, our talents, our love and our hearts? Maybe we could all learn Santa's beautiful lesson and maybe there would finally be peace on Earth and good will toward men. This is from Santa's Comnig To Town, but I couldn't have said it any better.

The first time I went down a chimney

Most people don't think elves travel with Santa during his World Tour on Christmas Eve, but we do. Actually, 2 go, one Navigator, one Gift Giver. The navigators nowadays use GPS, and the "Checking route for traffic" feature is nice, but you also get alot of "No signal in this area" also. Therefore, the Navigator must graduate Navigation School to learn all the different effects of the earth's rotation. I was a Gift Giver. I don't know how they select the Navigators. But the Gift Givers are selected thru a lottery. There's about 3.5 million elves worldwide who wanna go, and the lottery is the process. No, I didn't win the lottery. I got selected as an "Honorary Assistant Gift Giver", after I saved Christmas. I wrote about it in "Almost Twas The Nite". Santa asked me if I would like to come along. I was like, "Wow!" But normally 3 elves don't go, so I missed the Pre Tour Briefings. Man, did I learn the hard way. I didn't know all those cookies were for him. Elves love cookies too. Why can't an elf get a cookie? I've never seen a cookie too sweet to eat. My favorite's got to be chocolate, topped with chocolate syrup and sprinkled with nutrasweet. Mixed with bits of chocolate chips in with it. Anyways, we landed on a roof and Santa was about to go down. I got outta the sleigh to go pee. I was gonna write my name in the snow. I guess I got too close to him and I got caught up in a whirlwind as he went down. It was like I was at a water slide, and as a friend was about to go first, he grabs my arm and drags me with him. Santa landed on his big butt, I bounced off his belly and landed across the room. Scared the you-know-what outta me, but I had to go anyway.

The SP-1 Concept Sleigh

The SP-1 (Self Propelled) is a concept sleigh encouraged by PETA. PETA has complained that the reindeer don't get adequate rest intervals and that the temperatures the deer must endure are inhumane. I actually like the SP-1. It has a windshield, roof, doors, heat, stereo system & bling-bling!! It's propane fueled. (Everybody's going green.) And that means no more reindeer droppings. If you've ever found unexplained poo on your roof, some elf missed it with a pooper scooper. Santa's alot more traditional than I am. He says he prefers the natural sounds coming from the reindeer's bells, while I'd prefer pumping up Christmas Crunk™ on 12" subs. He still wants to use the old sleigh, so we'll see.

Lil known fact about St. Nick

Yo, in case you don't know..Santa's lactose..intolerant. The same milk that you poured..he poured down the drain..& you think he drank it. Get the correct milk & label it..I communicated. And Santa's not choking cookies, much to my delight, is appreciated.

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