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ambar das / Blog

AN EPITAPH TO MYSELF

I am just an old ruin, crying at my own desolation... My resolve has dissolved, leaving just an illusion... I didn’t know the word broken; it was just not me... Here I am chained by life, trying to struggle to be free... I don't know if this is the real me... I sometimes feel that this is the real me... Then I just don't want to be me anymore...

It seems I was born to live for others... But I feel I have given them nothing but pain... I am like a cactus born in an orchard... I am life with a death wish, I am sanity gone insane... I don’t know if this is the real me... I sometimes feel that this is the real me... But I just don’t want to be me anymore...

I am an abandoned lighthouse, enshrouded by darkness... I am a sinking ship with innocent lives aboard... I have fallen from grace; I am desperate and helpless... I have lost the will to fight, I am a life gone overboard... I don't want to know if this is the real me... I hate to think that this is the real me... And I just don't want to be me anymore...

DOWNSIDE UP...

HAVE TO KEEP HANGING UPSIDE DOWN IN THIS BIZZARE TOPSYTURVY WORLD, WHERE READING BETWEEN THE LINES SEEMS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE ACTUAL WORDS AND BLACK AND WHITE FUSE INTO AN EERIE ALLPERVADING GREYISH SHADE THAT ENSHROUDS OUR PATHETIC MUNDANE LIVES….

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I SOMETIMES FEEL LIKE TWO SEPARATE, DIAMETRICALLY OPPOSITE ENTITIES, BOUND TOGETHER UNNATURALLY BY THE CHAINS OF NATURE IN ONE PHYSICAL BODY…. I WANT TO DEFY ALL PRINCIPLES, WE WANT OUT!!!

Carol Phelan Aebby
Carol Phelan Aebby  (over 2 years ago)

Ambar, your words are very profound. I understand.
Carol

JUST WORDS...

THE SILENCE OF THE WORDS GIVE NEW MEANING TO THE SENTENCE THEY GIVE BIRTH TO. WHILE WE SEARCH FOR THEM, THE ELUSIVE WORDS SILENTLY MOCK US ON OUR UTTER DEPENDENCE…

HOPE AND ILLUSION..

WHEN YOU ARE STUCK IN THE TWILITE OF EMOTIONS WITH NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO EXCEPT THE APPROACHING ALL ENGULFING DARKNESS, EVEN THE FAINTEST FLICKER OF THE FIRST FIREFLY SEEM LIKE A SHINING BEACON… BUT THEN THERE IS A VERY THIN LINE DIVIDING HOPE AND ILLUSION….

Carol Phelan Aebby
Carol Phelan Aebby  (over 2 years ago)

There is a poet in there. Darkness is a frequent visitor.
But the light shines brighter. Love Carol

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