She said I drank; said I did drugs;
She said I beat her up and everything,
And when I showed up in the courtroom
She was sitting with her arm in a sling.
Well, it took just a couple minutes
Till her lies were very plain to see
And then, a thousand dollars later,
The judge dropped all those charges on me.

My lawyer had a grand old time.
The only trouble is, that grand was mine.

There was a time a while back when
I was not allowed to see my kids,
So I went to see my lawyer and I said,
"I'm gonna blow my lid!"
He said, "Now calm yourself down, boy,
Your situation really ain't so bleak.
They say that Justice is blind,
But for a thousand I can get it to peek."

Well now, the ending to my story
Is as happy as an ending can be.
I get to see my pretty daughters twice a week
(And sometimes, even three).
Now I appreciate the things that I stood up for
And I fought for, and I got.
This week I'm working 80 hours,
So my lawyer can finance his yacht.

Now, if you want to retire,
Just change your last name to Esquire.