It was a fast machine we kept its motor clean
It was the best damn killer that we ever seen
From Guam to Guatemala man it owned the skies
But after 27 years we'd reached the end of the line
Funding from the Hill was a constant source of trouble
They only gave us half and we always wanted double
The Air Force wouldn't shut up 'bout its F-23s
We had to find another market, had to look overseas

Phantoms crossing the ocean sweeping the valleys strafing the junction striking the depot billowing flowers orange and yellow blooming behind me all in a line

She was an earmark queen she kept her Outlook clean
And she never left her fingerprints behind at the scene
She used to date the chief of staff of defense appropriations
Still borrowed him each springtime for a Cozumel vacation
She said I know a shithole between Congo and Nigeria
The dictator's a cretin with a homicide malaria
He's got a Muslim problem we can sell it as insurgency
He'll need a couple Phantoms to help put down the emergency

She attached it to a supplemental Medicare fund
When it came up on the floor it passed 430 to 1
Thanks to her the Phantom money well it just kept on coming
That means the Phantom plant in Pittsburgh kept on humming
Those hardworking Americans, they work hard building freedom
We thank them for their taxes and we try hard not to cheat em
There's a different jungle village Phantoms flatten every hour
And our favorite cretin dictator's still holding on to power

She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean
She was the best damn lawyer that we ever seen
She charged a thousand bucks an hour it's okay I sure don't mind
I just made a thousand dollars in the time it took to sing this line!
Phantoms!