Howdy do, good day to you sir, understand, I know from where you’re standing I’m just another salesman. But before I was a salesman, I was an inventor, before that I was a preacher, a believer and a seeker, and it inspired me to become an investor so believe me when I say, sir, I don’t mean to pester, but see I didn’t get to where I am today by going door to door, so at least give me a minute just to tell you what I’m here for. Lemme tell ya I got the deal of a lifetime. Customers like you are my life line, but I’m not spewing my sales pitch to get rich quick, I got good ideals I ain’t no sharp pencil dick. I’m just a simple old fashioned man, trying to do the best I can, product of the future is in my hands, it ain’t no scam. In this crazy share of the market I’m the man. I hope you don’t mind me asking such a personal question, but do you believe in destiny? I do. I’m a Christian. I respect all religions, you can be whatever you want to be, it’s fine with me, mister, I respect diversity but see I used to be a minister. I know in my heart God’s plan unraveled in the gravel of your driveway, when I pulled up and got out my briefcase.

And I said to you sincerely,
“Have I got a deal for you!”

Ya know, I used to live in a house just like this one with a small front yard, and oh my god out front is that a Gremlin? I used to have that same car. But now I drive a Ferrari, and it’s owned by the company which is owned by yours truly. But anyway, trust me, I got what you need, you remind me a lot of the old me, the way I used to be. And if it turned my life around, it can yours too…so here’s what I’m gonna do: Just 35 payments of 9.99. That comes out to 349.65 and at the end of the year you get a 5% rebate; back in your pocket goes 17.48
Bada-boom bada bing! Now, with that deduction, you’re at 332.17!
Whoa! Wait a minute, now, I can give discounts, but only under special circumstances like now
Forget everything I said, let’s talk some more.
How about 4 payments of 75.94?
Practically sold at a loss, a measly 25 dollars above cost!
Have I got a deal for you!
Let me tell you, it’s a one you can’t refuse

You know how I was talking about how I believe in destiny and I believe in fate?
Well listen here I got two boys, one girl and a lovely wife at home
And I’m just trying to feed my family and be the best that I can be
Now I wouldn’t offer a deal like this to just anyone
And let me tell you what else I believe in, I believe in free will too
I talk to God all the time and I have the freedom to listen to him,
But I also have the freedom to deny his word
And when I was driving by your house, I heard his voice ring out loud and clear
A great holy hand beckoned me here today, and what choice did I make?
I made the choice to offer you…
The deal of a lifetime
The bread of consumerism
And you have the freedom to deny this product and shut the door in my face if you want to
But I’ve already made my choice
Yes sir, I’m a non-judgmental man
And I accept the consequences of my freedom to make choices
It’s not up to you. I can take my deal elsewhere
As long as there’s some poor soul out there in the shopping mart looking for this perfect product, buying generic brands, thinking to themselves
“everything’s been thought of before!”
I’ve been travelling around with a product they’ve been looking for this whole time
But I’m just going to tell you this right now:
I’ve been in sales for a long time, cat, and most people
They don’t care about quality products, you understand
Everything’s mass production. Quantity over quality
And I bet you know that, don’t you?
Now I’m going to describe something to you
Something so hard to imagine you might not even believe it could possibly exist
But think about this…
A quality product that will improve your life tremendously